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Malcolm Tucker ([personal profile] spinfoctor) wrote in [community profile] heckinooc 2024-11-27 08:23 pm (UTC)

Malcolm Tucker | Thick of It | Hell because I mean really

CW: so much creative Scottish swearing

A: Arrival

[So he's died. And gone to Hell. Finally. All of Earth is probably rejoicing. Or at least his many many political enemies and -- Malcolm has no friends, so just enemies, even in his own party, and most of the planet to be fair.]

Oh, the paperwork's bollocked? Yeah, that fucking plays. It always is, isn't it? Paperwork getting fucked up is like water running downstream, and cocks crowing about the dawn, like they fucking woke up the sun and dragged it out themselves. What am I supposed to do now then? Anyone I should bullock?

[But the imps and cherubs scatter, because a big bad wolf in foul-tempered and even more vulgar language who is used to verbally harassing politicians as a house whip is not worth sticking around for.]

B: Ice Ice Baby

Fuck! It's colder than a witch's teat out here! Guess all that global climate change doesn't work when humans aren't top dogs.

Ta. [Takes the magma drink and --] What the fuck do you mean it's for drinking? Mate, you do not want to mess with a man [Despite his kind of more wolf-y form now.] holding magma, now do you? Right. Didn't fucking think so.

[... And then he might try to drink it if someone doesn't stop him. YOLO?]

C: Spice Spice Baby
Fuck, this is fucking disgusting. [A stuffing flavored latte.] It tastes like my Nan's old socks run through the dryer and stuffed up the ass of a mule with parasites in its intestines. And I've had haggis. [... And he drinks some more. :| Yes.]

D: Network post
UN: WindshieldWhipper

[He let an imp pick the name and doesn't care.]

What the fuck do you wankers do for jobs around here? I'm recently unemployed on account of being fucking dead, or whatever the shit you call it here, and the last time I took one of those bloody tests on job aptitude they suggested making a fucking children's novel on a Very Angry Spider. Hopefully not fucking that. And I haven't needed to make a resume for literal decades.

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