She took a deep breath, measuring her response. Sadly for her, as she was often told, even her thoughts were loud. He could read her considerations in her expressions, the way her lips moved soundlessly as she thought.
Finally she spoke, her words measured for once. She wasn't someone usually accused of thinking before she spoke.
"I.. was born in the fiefs," she said slowly. "The fiefs are different than everywhere else. There is no law but the fieflord's and most people never meet the lord of their fief in their lives. I was born in the fief of Nightshade..." her expression was complicated when she said the name, mostly because her thoughts about the Fieflord were complicated. Her hand started to lift towards the mark of nightshade on her cheek, but she fought her hand back down.
After a breath, she continued. "My mother died when I was five. I never knew my father. We... kind of raised ourselves. When someone stronger wanted our room, we left. We knew better than to go outside at night. We begged for money and food. We did worse than beg when people weren't feeling giving." So much bitterness and pain. She shook her head.
"When..." more pain there. So much pain. She sidestepped it. "When I left Nightshade... I wound up somewhere worse. Another fief. A worse one. Not that I thought it was possible back... before." she shook her head again.
"When I left the fiefs... I was sent out to.. to kill someone. It wasn't the first time either..." She shuddered. She wouldn't have said this much to most people. But of everyone, he seemed to be someone who could understand. And maybe who needed to hear it.
This... was also healing? Maybe.
She rubbed her arms. "I don't know why the Hawklord gave me a chance. I still don't know what he saw in me. Killer. Urchin. Fiefling. Thief. I should have been in prison. Or worse. But he saw something in me. ****s if I know what. But he offered me the Hawk... no... a chance to earn the Hawk." She touched the emblem of the Hawk on her tabard. The one picked out in gold thread. Her expression was once again complicated, but this time it was fierce pride and determination. A little confusion. Desperation. She wanted so desperately to be worthy of the Hawk, of that trust.
"I've made the law my life, since then. The Hawks." She took a deep breath. "Not the best way to see anything other than the worst in people. Especially since I wound up mostly working with the Barrani. For the Barrani lying isn't so much an art form as their modus operandi. They use the laws of exemption more than any other race. And they use assassination as a tool for politics. So not exactly the best way to see the best in people. But... yeah. People like you and I... we gotta do better despite all that. And I think we are. I mean... I think I am. I hope I am."
no subject
Finally she spoke, her words measured for once. She wasn't someone usually accused of thinking before she spoke.
"I.. was born in the fiefs," she said slowly. "The fiefs are different than everywhere else. There is no law but the fieflord's and most people never meet the lord of their fief in their lives. I was born in the fief of Nightshade..." her expression was complicated when she said the name, mostly because her thoughts about the Fieflord were complicated. Her hand started to lift towards the mark of nightshade on her cheek, but she fought her hand back down.
After a breath, she continued. "My mother died when I was five. I never knew my father. We... kind of raised ourselves. When someone stronger wanted our room, we left. We knew better than to go outside at night. We begged for money and food. We did worse than beg when people weren't feeling giving." So much bitterness and pain. She shook her head.
"When..." more pain there. So much pain. She sidestepped it. "When I left Nightshade... I wound up somewhere worse. Another fief. A worse one. Not that I thought it was possible back... before." she shook her head again.
"When I left the fiefs... I was sent out to.. to kill someone. It wasn't the first time either..." She shuddered. She wouldn't have said this much to most people. But of everyone, he seemed to be someone who could understand. And maybe who needed to hear it.
This... was also healing? Maybe.
She rubbed her arms. "I don't know why the Hawklord gave me a chance. I still don't know what he saw in me. Killer. Urchin. Fiefling. Thief. I should have been in prison. Or worse. But he saw something in me. ****s if I know what. But he offered me the Hawk... no... a chance to earn the Hawk." She touched the emblem of the Hawk on her tabard. The one picked out in gold thread. Her expression was once again complicated, but this time it was fierce pride and determination. A little confusion. Desperation. She wanted so desperately to be worthy of the Hawk, of that trust.
"I've made the law my life, since then. The Hawks." She took a deep breath. "Not the best way to see anything other than the worst in people. Especially since I wound up mostly working with the Barrani. For the Barrani lying isn't so much an art form as their modus operandi. They use the laws of exemption more than any other race. And they use assassination as a tool for politics. So not exactly the best way to see the best in people. But... yeah. People like you and I... we gotta do better despite all that. And I think we are. I mean... I think I am. I hope I am."