[ eh, he's had worse. the guy's clearly new, he'll give him a break. ]

Okay, you seem really, really alarmed. Which I suppose makes sense, since this is Hell and all. But happily, this isn't the real Hell! That one's much worse, I should know. But there's still no literal—okay there is a lake of fire, that exists, but not like that. The weather and biomes just suck, you know?

[ he stands and steps over. he is very short. ]

This place is... A facsimile of what Hell actually is. I've called it 'Hell for babies' before, because really it's mostly just like a kind of shitty vacation. Also, you can go up to Heaven whenever you want! The angels are just assholes if you're from Hell. But in a snooty way, not a painful way.

Also, no actual judgment has been made. You're not in this Hell because you're a bad person! The stupid fucking sheep just can't do their jobs!