heckinooc | TDM 003

TDM 003 - SUMMER

[ SEE GAME NAVIGATION TO READ UP ON HECK GAME BEFORE PLAYING IF YOU SO DESIRE ]

A: Garden Level - OOPS YOU DIED
[CONGRATS YOU DIED. Sucks for you!! But Abe and Lucy are DETERMINED to get paperwork done and to do that, they need to get to know YOU.

So as soon as you appear, no matter if you're going to heaven or hell, you get slapped with a "HELLO MY NAME IS ____" sticker by one of the sheep. Said sticker has two possible effects:
-The sticker may say your "True" name or a nickname you don't like, or an alias, etc. How did it get there?? Paperwork. There is a chance it's blank and you can write your own name too.
-Whenever they see a person, they will be compelled to shout "HELLO MY NAME IS [their name] AND I LIKE [something they like.]"

We speed therapying this shit. ]

B: SUMMER HELL
[Whether you're a demon or an angel, eventually you may want to visit the HellRaiser hotel below! Hell is where all the HIP HAPPENING THINGS are after all. Want a lava bath? Go to a club? Gamble?? Just get fucking drunk? Hell's your place.

However, despite being the afterlife, even hell is not immune from the heat of summer. And it's taking the whole flames of hell thing literally. So!

-You might be minding your own business, and suddenly part of your body or clothing just, fucking ignites on fire. Good luck with that!
-You may get badgered by demonic vendors, trying to push various summer t-shirts on you.
-You might get roped into some demons fucking EMBRACING THE HEAT. Ever been tied to a giant fire spit oven an open flame?? YOU HAVE NOW. Maybe someone will help you, or you can handle yourself just fine.

Or you might get lucky and none of that happens and you're just vibing. Good on you!!]

C: Heaven is Central Air Conditioning
[Heaven-side, the heavenly hotel is its normal, luxurious self except for one key different. . .A/C. That's right, only the hotels in Heaven have working air conditioning. Fucked up!! So chilling up here might be the right call. You can always go visit the beach too, or any of the delightful coffee shops. Heaven also is the only place to get caffeine. Wack.

Of course, even heaven is prone to wackiness. Newbies may be prone to:
-Like hell, there are plenty of vendors up here, but instead of cash, today they ask for payment in...jokes? Better give your best one.
-Cherubs may be especially pushy and try to get you dressed in extremely stuffy/heavenly clothing. Enjoy your corsets and such.
-At the beach, if you sun bathe too long without protection, oops! You may find your skin (fur, scales, whatever) turning not red, but another ridiculous color.

OR AGAIN, JUST DO WHATEVER. WHOMST CAN STOP YOU?? You have a phone just text strangers do what you want.]

OOC NOTES:
-"Ash this TDM seems kinda half assed" IT'S SUMMER AND I'M TIRED also with July having no themed event I wanted this TDM to be pretty generic so people can hop in without worrying about timelines!
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open!! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!
-Remember regardless of your alignment, you are free to travel to whatever level you wish!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Totally! It makes your hair pop!

Not too long, like.... [she glances upward, trying to recall...] ... a few months, I think. This place is weird and changes all the time but at least the people are good.

["Good" and "people" are both kind of figurative, she just likes them is all.]

Does it hurt? Your arm.

[If she's going to act like a kid she's going to get dad-ed at. And he's got BIG dad energy.]

[ lucifer's in the nest a lot lately. he's at the bar, taking up space, drinking something that doesn't smell like alcohol at all, and no one seems to care he's taking up real estate. he also really, really looks like he belongs in hell. sire he's got some kind of white suit vibe going on, but he's got pointed red horns and a black-and-red spade tail and all that jazz. his hands are black and chitinous and fingertips melt right into claws, but all he's doing is nursing his drink.

he arches an eyebrow as someone sits by him, glancing over with one "normal" red eye and one with a red ouroboros instead of pupil or iris. ]

You look like you're in your element.

[ surprisingly, that doesn't sound like an insult. just conversation, and not even the creepy kind. ]

[ Acht has been here long enough to see these stupid mass teleports as annoying and immediately start heading to the elevator, but... ]

Uh... [ That is a sentient vegetable wearing a sweater cheerfully telling them about some Jesus guy. Acht has seen several different species of weird by now, but a talking veggie? Really? ]

Hi... You're new here?

[ Are they dreaming or hallucinating? This doesn't feel real. ]

Edited 2024-07-18 19:42 (UTC)

Oh my... [He says quickly so it sounds more like one word-- ohmy] The best thing, you say? I -- [uncomfortable chuckle] -- that's hyperbole, I assume?

You don't say! [He laughs and clears his throat. Usually Archibald is the one saying a series of preposterous words that go way over everyone's head! Oh how the tables have turned! If he had died with a pocket bible he'd be flipping through it casually, very "that's not in the script"-type behavior.] Yes, I do recall the seven rings of Heck-- fascinating!

So you're a... [raises his eyebrow and gives Husk a once-over] demon?

[Normal is relative, isn't it? Archibald raises his eyebrow and leans forward.]

Mermaids? [Archie turns on his side and sets his coconut on a little table beside him atop a little coaster and provides Ruby all of his attention.] I'm curious, was this a genuine transformation or was it a game of Heavenly pretend? I used to play mermaids with my schoolmates at the community pool when I was a boy, was it like that?

[It's not that he doesn't believe her, he just doesn't want to make a fool of himself for getting excited over children's make-believe!]

Why yes! [He chuckles lightly to himself.] I must look rather green, eh?

[Pull him offstage with a shepherd's crook.]

Heh heh heh!

[ Beetlejuice chuckles along with him. He chuckles and he flings an arm around the asparagus's shoulders to pull him tight. He smells bad. He's still chuckling. ]

Aha! Ahahaha ha! No.

[Archibald gasps and looks somehow more excited.]

Oh what a treat to experience the theatre for the first time! I remember pinching my pennies from my newspaper route just to go see Little Chop of Horrors! That was so long ago! Acting was transformative for me and helped me find my voice, my calling-- it changed my life! And, God willing, dead or not, [A psychic force presses against Emporio's shoulder as if a hand were affectionately patting his shoulder.] it could change yours!

[Mysterious force begone! Archibald looks]

I apologize, I forget myself. I- ha- I haven't even gotten your name!

[ that’s her cue, so she slides out of her seat and makes her way over to steal the stool beside her. when someone tries to get handsy along the way, her tail whips out and swats his hand before he can touch her.

she tsks him, tipping his chin up with the spade at the end of her tail. ]

Buy a ticket like everyone else, baby. No free shows.

[ he falls off his chair and she walks away, crossing her legs and pivoting in her seat to give Faye her undivided attention once she sits down. ]

Down here is where the fun is at, they have sticks up their asses up there. Verosika Mayday, pop star and bad bitch extraordinaire.

[ pfft! she looks so amused. ] Different bastard, his name’s Greed. I wouldn’t call Lucifer a big bastard, unless you consider 5’4” as big—but he’s here too. Though he’s more likely to reprimand you for doing stupid shit than come at you with a pitchfork.

[He chuckles along with Beetlejuice, getting more nervous and loud with each "ha!". This must be funny somehow! Why else would we be laughing-- hahaha!!]

Oh, you are too much! I-- well-- [An invisible force like a hand gingerly pressing Beetlejuice's arm off of Archibald's shoulder is sure there. Sure happening.] I suppose we should be moving on to brighter things, so to speak!

[Explosive, even!]

[ lucifer is usually pretty chill in the garden. like, for real. it's a place of respite, sort of. like he remembers but also different. it's complicated.

in any case, he hears a little british voice and raises an eyebrow as he turns, and... well. from behind, his sharp red horns were hidden by his top hat and his black and red spade tail had been wrapped around his waist under his suit coat but it unfurls and swings lazily behind him as he grins, leaning in nice and close. one eye is red while the other has a red ouroboros instead of iris and pupil, and he tilts his head somewhat.

his nametag, well.

HELLO, MY NAME IS: LUCIFER. ]

Everyone always wants to talk about the kid. Get some new material, he isn't here to hear you wax poetic about him.

[ He allows himself to be disentangled from Archibald and stands straight again. He smooths out his tie and just kind of Looks at him for a long moment before turning and motioning for him to follow. ]

Let's go! You got a name?

Oh! [Prone to nervous laughter, Archibald is yucking it up right now. He shrinks into himself as much as an Asparagus really can, eyes flitting around Lucifer's gettup. So what if his eyes bulge a little when he sees his nametag, so what! It's fine. It's fine!]

My hearing isn't what it used to be, I'm afraid-- come again?

I said the kid—Jesus—isn't here. He's in the real Heaven, presumably. Dad's not here anymore either, as far as I'm aware, he was here a while then bailed back home. Not like a fake Heaven or Hell could hold him, am I right?

[ a beat passes. he squints like he just noticed something. ]

What is this. Is this some kind of joke? I've never seen an angel, a winner, a Hellborn, or a sinner just be. A vegetable. What are you, an asparagus?

[ upon hearing the voice, he turns away from the group of cherubs he was talking to and a heavenly chorus strikes up out of nowhere—actually, they are just rehearsing some musical number a few feet away, but details. the cherry on top comes when he looks down at Archibald, looking every bit the heavenly sovereign he is, as a lens flare effect kicks up behind his head.

in case the very dramatic reveal isn’t enough, his name tag simply says “God” and is written in an impossibly elegant golden script. how did he get a fancy one? pfft, because he is God, of course, and it doesn’t matter what universe he came from. the perks of being the man upstairs are endless.

this shining beacon of hope takes another gander of this jolly green not-so giant and hums. surely his words of wisdom will be so powerful that people thousands of years from now will look upon them and weep. ]

Is that a me damn asparagus?

[ but hey, he is talking about his son so he abandons that line of questioning almost immediately. ]

Jesus— [ oh, a wine glass full of red wine suddenly appears in hand. ] has always had a way with words, there’s a reason he’s my favorite. If only the humans saw what I could see in him, maybe they wouldn’t have ended his life so brutally!

[ with that ever-present smile, he sips at the wine and sloshes it around in the glass, all four eyes squinting at his new friend. ]

So, you only talk about him from time to time? Hmm. [ surely he isn’t judging him right now. ] Well, I enjoy a musical number as much as the next person, I hear Jesus Christ Superstar is quite a toe tapper. Have you seen it?

[ how utterly scandalous, he can almost see his heart-shaped nips! it doesn’t take long for him to adjust his top hat and take a gander at the person who just bumped into him. truth be told, he knew who it was the moment he opened up his mouth and spoke.

hopefully the smile doesn’t creep him out too much, as he pivots on a heel to face him properly. ]

Asmodeus! It’s no trouble at all.

[ he is just as casual as he was with Lucifer, acting like there is zero bad blood between the two of them. hell, he is so polite that one may be forgiven for thinking they are the best of friends. ]

I suppose if Lucifer found himself here, it wouldn’t be a stretch for you to follow. You always did do things together. [ LIKE FALL, YOU HEATHEN. but he doesn’t have to say that, it’s more than implied. ]

Someone set my hat on fire earlier, was it you?

[Fearless looks so hopeful for a moment, but then his shoulders fall. Six years in the future...? He knew it was possible but—

No, that doesn't make sense.

He died.

But, either way, there's something a bit more pressing.]

No, no, you don't understand.

It's the past here. Like it's more than a hundred years ago the past.

Like—

[He points at Faye.]

—like you know what a woolong is. You've seen a space ship! You're—

The only other one!

Oh no, [She waves off the question apologetically.] This was real mermaids, with the tails, and gills, and everything! Some of us even had tentacles!

[Like her! She was a vampire squidgirl.]

It was nice while it lasted, but I am glad to have my legs back.

I'm supposed to be one back in my hell. I'm not one in this cheap bootleg copy, obviously. You better get used to bein' here. I've been here for months.

[Husk takes another swig from his bottle of booze.]

And be careful if anyone brings up contracts.

"A water goddess, huh?" A beat. "For what sort of mentoring?" Cause that seems important to know. "What does the brains of water mean?" As for Fight Club, Klaus can only remember the shit from that movie and it got weird. "I don't want you getting all your teeth knocked out, so you better be careful. I can chew up your food and spit it into your mouth like you're a baby bird, but I'd really rather not."

They stay still as they're pushed against the back of the elevator. "You could definitely do that. I'm not sure how you would, though." They do think about the humidity and it reminds them of summers back in The City and how gross they got. "No. It's not clothing dye. It's got dyes in it, but not like...for clothes."

[She doesn’t even know what having a dad feels like…]

No, not really.

[Faye’s smile widens and she touches the ends of her hair, adjusting the way it lays.]

Good as in good or good as in Good?

[She’s teasing a little, but also genuinely asking.]

And changes how?

"Redemption." Deadpan. "I pretended to be a missionary like Luis Frois, but it's getting annoying. It means her brains are not even substantive enough to be solid. They're liquid. I have never met someone so--" words fail him. Stupid isn't it. Airheaded neither. Foolish is much too fond for the fool of Owari! Vapid? Empty? She's not soulless, just... "If her demon king was even 1/100th as powerful as me, he would have defeated her already. It's actually quite insulting. She is the opposite of you. I can't even work up enough antithapy to dislike her. She's just not even worthy of being a foe. I finally understand some of the idea the monks tried to convey about stoicism over enthusiasm, because it is like having emotion over water. I cannot." Not even frustrated, he's more frustrated at the lack of frustration? Yes.

"And you know how reluctant I am to change." He likes being demon king and hellborn, and feared. And yes, he also doesn't want to alienate everyone, but Aqua is mostly just trying to get him to join her cult, which is very much not how to make friends or not alienate people.

"Exhausting. She is exhausting. Like staying indefinitely in water. That is why the monks need to not be enthusiastic. They starve themselves, so they don't have the energy to expend anyway." That's his theory and he's sticking to it.

He laughs about the teeth and baby bird thing, and kisses Klaus' cheek, "You are the only one I wish to bite anyway! You can come cheer me on. Just be careful too. You own my soul, so it would be easy for me to get distracted if something happens to you during the fight."

A quiet hum about widespread freezer technology, he'll have to think on it. It seems to be a technology in the gap between Klaus time and Ari's so it's unlikely Oda can just solve it easily if all of humanity hasn't by Klaus' time, but still...

"The dyes are for fun, yes?" A huff. "People wouldn't accidentally or knowingly put poison in food would they? Not even demons stoop that low!" It's a war crime even beyond the pale the most murderous -- no wait, he's definitely had enemies give his army poisoned food before, but still! "Soldiers and generals are one thing, but noncombatant children?" But his glorious idea of the future?!

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TDM 003 - SUMMER

pounding my fists on the earth about faye valentine's relationship to time and self

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hell b.

A

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i love you vent boy

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a.

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a. lmao this is gonna be fuuuun

late as fuuuuuck

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Im like 😩

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