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heckinooc2024-06-28 06:03 pm
heckinmods) wrote in heckinooc2024-06-28 06:03 pm
TDM 003 - SUMMER
A: Garden Level - OOPS YOU DIED
[CONGRATS YOU DIED. Sucks for you!! But Abe and Lucy are DETERMINED to get paperwork done and to do that, they need to get to know YOU.
So as soon as you appear, no matter if you're going to heaven or hell, you get slapped with a "HELLO MY NAME IS ____" sticker by one of the sheep. Said sticker has two possible effects:
-The sticker may say your "True" name or a nickname you don't like, or an alias, etc. How did it get there?? Paperwork. There is a chance it's blank and you can write your own name too.
-Whenever they see a person, they will be compelled to shout "HELLO MY NAME IS [their name] AND I LIKE [something they like.]"
We speed therapying this shit. ]
B: SUMMER HELL
[Whether you're a demon or an angel, eventually you may want to visit the HellRaiser hotel below! Hell is where all the HIP HAPPENING THINGS are after all. Want a lava bath? Go to a club? Gamble?? Just get fucking drunk? Hell's your place.
However, despite being the afterlife, even hell is not immune from the heat of summer. And it's taking the whole flames of hell thing literally. So!
-You might be minding your own business, and suddenly part of your body or clothing just, fucking ignites on fire. Good luck with that!
-You may get badgered by demonic vendors, trying to push various summer t-shirts on you.
-You might get roped into some demons fucking EMBRACING THE HEAT. Ever been tied to a giant fire spit oven an open flame?? YOU HAVE NOW. Maybe someone will help you, or you can handle yourself just fine.
Or you might get lucky and none of that happens and you're just vibing. Good on you!!]
C: Heaven is Central Air Conditioning
[Heaven-side, the heavenly hotel is its normal, luxurious self except for one key different. . .A/C. That's right, only the hotels in Heaven have working air conditioning. Fucked up!! So chilling up here might be the right call. You can always go visit the beach too, or any of the delightful coffee shops. Heaven also is the only place to get caffeine. Wack.
Of course, even heaven is prone to wackiness. Newbies may be prone to:
-Like hell, there are plenty of vendors up here, but instead of cash, today they ask for payment in...jokes? Better give your best one.
-Cherubs may be especially pushy and try to get you dressed in extremely stuffy/heavenly clothing. Enjoy your corsets and such.
-At the beach, if you sun bathe too long without protection, oops! You may find your skin (fur, scales, whatever) turning not red, but another ridiculous color.
OR AGAIN, JUST DO WHATEVER. WHOMST CAN STOP YOU?? You have a phone just text strangers do what you want.]
OOC NOTES:
-"Ash this TDM seems kinda half assed" IT'S SUMMER AND I'M TIRED also with July having no themed event I wanted this TDM to be pretty generic so people can hop in without worrying about timelines!
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open!! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!
-Remember regardless of your alignment, you are free to travel to whatever level you wish!
hell.
hears a familiar voice, more like. ]
No. No no no—
[ it can't be, right? it can't be. it's not. he would never—there are people with the same voice here! he's seen them talk about it! it isn't—
—he turns a corner and. right there. right in front of him. drinking a fucking glass of wine. ]
Oh no you don't! No, you get the fuck out of here! This is my house!
[ but it's not, is it? it's not. this isn't the real hell, just like upstairs isn't the real heaven and the garden isn't the real garden.
it's a little funny, that all this is happening when he looks as beautiful and innocent and angelic as he did before the fall. well, except for the fact that his halo is shifting as he stomps over, from tiara-esque hanging over his head to a vicious and angry starburst behind it so bright it'd blind anyone not the being in front of him.
he stops, staring up at him, blue eyes narrowed, and jabs him in the chest with one finger. ]
Go back upstairs. I don't want you here.
rip god
[ wow, he immediately turns on the charm, as if he never kicked his son out of the house ten thousand years ago and did not conveniently ignore his phone calls and texts for just as long. to the uninitiated, this could be a case of mistaken identity.
but it definitely isn’t. for a moment he muses about the similarities between this interaction and that of a kitten trying to intimidate a Great Dane, maybe that’s why he is smiling. ]
Now, Luci, is that any way to talk to your father? I even bought this shirt with the word hell on it to—hmm, to show my support.
[ he is absolutely digging his own grave here and is either none the wiser or well aware that he would be the victor here. but no, no, there will be no parricide on his watch.
to add insult to injury, he takes that finger between two of his own, pries it away from his chest, and has the absolute gall to rest his hand on his shoulder like a proud father would. ]
Did you get redeemed? About me damn time! Look at you, looking like a regular ray of sunshine. Just how I remember.
[ with one more gulp the wine is gone, so he lets the glass vanish. of course, true to form, he puts the nail in the coffin himself with his next statement. ]
Sooo! How have you been? I can’t trust Michael to send me baby pictures, let alone do something as important as relay your mental health to me. To the bottom of the list he goes!
no subject
[ his expression is dour. no, furious. no, apoplectic. it gets worse and worse with every word that god says, his hackles raising to the point his hair is starting to fluff and spike up to match his halo. ]
Show your support? Do you even listen to yourself? Is this all you have to say for yourself after—
[ and oh, but that doesn't sit well. his eyes narrow. there's something dangerous there, not that it's dangerous to the being in front of him. it just is to anyone else in the vicinity. and the hand on his shoulder and the 'charming' asking after him and—
—he starts to laugh. it's a horrifying sound again, like when things are really, really, really bad. the shriek of church bells, shattering glass, screaming crows. imps and otherwise around them begin to scatter because even though the locals themselves don't have a lucifer to answer to, they know exactly what it is they're hearing.
then the laughter stops abruptly like it never began. ]
How have I been? You kick me out, ignore my calls and texts for ten thousand years, then have the absolute gall to ask me how have I been? Shitty, dad! I've been shitty and awful and things suck and it's not like you didn't know exactly how things were going to go, right, dad? Isn't that the nature of omnipresence and your fucking ineffable plans?
[ then he pauses as something finally clicks. ]
What the fuck do you mean did I get redeemed? Not that I want to, but we were, Charlie, who you never even tried to see, by the way, was told explicitly that redemption is impossible. She's been working so hard despite that and now you just pop up to act like it's a thing that should've been happening all along? Like anyone was given the tools to do it in the first place?
no subject
I met someone up in Heaven that can work wonders on people suffering anger management issues. If you want her card.
[ STOP. prayer time—oh, no, he is just making the gesture, he doesn’t actually pray to himself. that would be weird. how many times is he going to have to say this? ]
I was on vacation, who takes their phone with them on vacation? I left Sera in charge, told Michael to keep me posted if anything apocalyptic happened and told Adam that Exterminations were a no-go! Bottom of the totem pole, plan z! If they didn’t better themselves after The Plagues and The Flood, why would they try when there’s a spear to their throats? I mean, me damn, the picture is as clear as day.
Not true! [ he holds up a finger, looking thoughtful. ] I didn’t see this coming.
[ but then he has to go and bring up redemption, like they didn’t just have a conversation about this a la the phone. ] I just found out I have a granddaughter, Michael didn’t send me the picture you sent him. You think I wouldn’t want to meet her? Before I got here, I was on my way to Hell to meet her!
[ but something dawns on him, he takes a moment to genuinely regard Lucifer for a moment, drawing that hand back as all four eyes narrow slightly. ]
Luci. The first time Adam moseyed on down there, did he tell you—and I specifically fucking told him to tell you this—to start rehabilitating the Sinners? I’m not an ass, I didn’t give you an impossible task.
I mean— [ he gestures at him ] I even told you it worked when that guy showed up. What was his name again? I think it rhymed with something phallic..
no subject
[ yes, the exclamation points are increasing with each sentence. he's not doing great, and he's not going to do the anger management thing.
he presses fingers to each of his temples like he's getting a migraine because he is, in fact, getting a migraine. ]
You told—hahaha—you told them not to do the exterminations. Do you know—do you know what I had to give up to stop them from killing the people born in Hell? To keep them from killing my wife and child because you wanted to go sit on the fucking beach without your phone while they slaughtered thousands upon thousands of sinners while I could do nothing to stop them?
[ the adam commentary makes him squint. he takes a couple of deep breaths he doesn't have to take. he tents his hands in front of his mouth. he breathes. he breathes more. he breathes a whole bunch. ]
Adam? You want to know what Adam did? Adam is the one that told Charlie, and I quote, from what she told me, 'Hell is forever.' With a guitar solo. And you know what else? He tried to kill Charlie! So I'm not sorry he's dead, and if he wasn't, I'd do it again! I didn't kill him the first time, but I would, if necessary, the second time.
[ which is. a lot! coming from the (eldest) baby boy of heaven, who would never hurt a fly, much less a person.
he stares at him a moment though, blankly— ]
What are you talking about? This is the first time we've spoken in ten thousand—oh, damn it. Are you seriously telling me that you got pulled from further along in the timeline from me but you can't tell that? Beginning, end, and eternal? Yeah, whatever you talked to me about, I have no idea because it hasn't happened for me yet. Surprise! This is fake Hell, and fake Heaven, and everything is shitty!
[ another of those beats. ]
Wait wait wait. The snake guy? Uhhhhhhhhhh, Sir Pentious? Charlie's friend that, again, Adam killed? He got redeemed? [ then, quietly, muttering to himself: ] She did tell me he sacrificed himself to save them, which I thought would be plenty even if it didn't work, but after they told Charlie repeatedly it wouldn't matter, I didn't think—
[ normal volume: ]
Holy fuck, I gotta tell Charlie!
no subject
[ and, you know, so can having his then favorite son enter the rebellious years, hand out free will like samples at baskin robins and then blow up on him when he makes an effort to touch base. clearly not his fault, no sir. ]
Luci, I’m going to stop you there. From my recollection, aka my notes— [ a monocle appears over one eye as he calls in a piece of paper, scratches at his chin and skims through it. it’s a blank page, he obviously can’t call in documents that aren’t in this plane of existence but work with him here. ] You were willing to give up something for hellborns but not Sinners until quite recently. Charlie’s doing, no doubt. She’s a regular chip off the old block! Hmm. If Charlie wasn’t involved, would have you done anything?
[ for a moment, he is wearing something akin to a dangerous expression before his cheshire smile comes back in full bloom. he almost asks if Adam’s guitar solo slayed. almost. ] Weh-he-hell! Someone’s fucked for playing fast and loose with the details. Both of them.
Of course I know it’s fake, Luci, why do you think I said fancy meeting you here? If this was the real deal, I’d tell you to fire your interior decorator immediately. This isn’t even what I had in mind when—
[ pausing, his eyes slowly follow a group of imps that loot a shop, stab a bystander then steal his car before running him over with it. ] Huh. I stand corrected, that’s pretty me damn on point. .. Anywho!
Riiight! Sir Pentious, that’s the one. Crashed a meeting like he was the man upstairs. Snake upstairs? One of those. Sir Pentious screams Sinner, I might rebrand him! I’m partial to Repentious myself. Now that name really pulls you in and screams I slithered up that mountain and won. Someone wasn’t kidding when they wrote Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.
[ you know that look parents get when they want something but don’t want to have to ask? yeah, he is sporting it right now, looking at him most expectantly before he gestures ahead. ]
After you, Luci.
[ uh-huh, he is tagging along whether he wants him to or not. pay no mind to the long, poignant sip he takes from his wine glass. when did he call it back into existence? who can say really, he works in mysterious ways, after all. ]
no subject
[ just gonna emphasize that. ]
And you know what? I did make mistakes before. When she was younger. But once it was pointed out to me, why, I admitted I was wrong and improved my behavior! Wow! Almost like we should listen to our kids when they tell us something they did hurt us! What a concept.
[ he does feel a little vindicated by that look on his father's face when he hears what adam did. his head tilts, eyebrows lifting, and he almost, almost smiles before his expression flattens again. ]
You—you realize the joke would have been the same if you'd thought it was the real Hell. I know you do. Because ha ha ha ha, Lucifer stuck in hell, what a shocking coincidence he would be there! Forever! Where I threw him! Oh, no, excuse me. Had Michael throw him. Which, by the way, fuck him. I try to reach out one last fucking time and he can't even connect the dots?
[ he rubs his face, annoyed as hell, no pun intended, then speaks. ]
Dad. You can't just rebrand a guy without his permission. Before you say anything, I know you literally can, that's not what I'm saying. Changing someone's identity without their permission is really fucked up, though. I'm pretty sure he picked his name, at least let him have a say in your shitty rebranding tactics.
[ then it looks like he's going to be stubborn as ever. he stands, arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowed. his halo's back to normal at least and he looks more quietly angry than outright furious, but finally he sighs, muttering again. ]
C'mon Lucifer, this isn't about you. This isn't for you, this isn't for him, this is for Charlie. What would Charlie want? Of course Charlie would want to meet him. Fuck, a Heavenly family member that actually wants something to do with her. Okay. Okay. Oooookay. Phew.
[ with one last glare, he pulls out his phone and turns around (like it's going to do anything) to make a phone call. ]
no subject
You knooow! Had you come to me before letting them eat from the Tree, I would’ve listened to your concerns. Instead, you decided that you knew better and everything went to hell in a hand basket after that.
[ true to form, the solemnity does not last long and he is quick to resume making disapproving noises, starting with a sigh. ]
Uh-huh. I’m sensing a lot of hostility here, Luci. A lot of it. In my place, what would you have done? Your newest creations, still in their infancy, are introduced to something they aren’t equipped to understand. They get that free will but with it? Evil. Lots and lots of evil, and your son, the apple of your eye, is the one to introduce evil to the world but he doesn’t see it that way. So, what do you do? You ship him off to a place where he can. He wanted to create something, so you give him the means to do so and let him handle the rest.
Not because you’re mad, no siree, but because you want him to understand. If I was mad at you, I could’ve sent you all the me damn paperwork that came across my desk for all the new sinners. We need a new system…
[ at the dismissal of his rebrand idea, he purses his hips, seeming to consider the validity of the claim a moment. ] Well! We’ll just leave that up to him, he can sleep on it.
You, uh, okay there, Luci? You’re talking to yourself an awful lot over there.. oh! [ he will just be a good father, stand back and watch him text furiously. he won’t be obnoxious at all, it’ll be like he isn’t here right now!
.. sluuuuuuuurp. ]
no subject
You never listened to any of my other concerns. My other suggestions. Everything was dismissed as flights of fancy and dreamy childishness. I've never even been a child. What possible reason did you ever give me to think that you would have suddenly decided to listen then? It's easy for you to say you would have listened now that you don't have to actually prove it.
[ he snorts. ]
At that point? You know what I would have done, dad. You know exactly who and what I was then, and how I approached everything. All I had was love. And see, you keep acting like I should have known better, but you never actually told us anything. We were, they are, still kept almost entirely in the dark. You only shed light, no pun intended, on anything when it suits you, not when it would actually help us. Shit, the angels didn't even know they could die until it happened to them. 'You should have come to me with your concerns, Lucifer!' No, maybe you should have assuaged them and offset them before anything came to pass that necessitated change. A single promise that they would have gotten it once they'd matured enough as a species to handle it. One sentence. One assurance. That's all it would have taken. People can't—people can't just know things like you do, dad.
[ then: ]
You say all this now, but nothing, nothing was communicated to me during the fall. If you wanted any of that, you should have said it to my face ten thousand years ago. It was always a punishment, never a learning opportunity, which, for the record, would still have been a shitty response, and you saying otherwise now doesn't change everything that's happened.
[ but he's not yelling anymore, just tired. anyway yeah. the calling and textening happens. there's a strange moment where he just stands quietly breathing and crying. eventually he puts his phone away and turns, clapping his hands together in front of his own chest. any trace of tears is long gone. ]
Okay! She's gonna meet up with us nearby! I expect you to be on your best grandfatherly behavior! I can't actually do anything to you if you upset her, but you will have to see her cry, and even you'll feel bad about it. [ a beat. ] Also, I always talk to myself. I got it from you. Probably the ADHD too. The depression is definitely situational though! Still your thing, but definitely situational.
1/2
When she finally sees him she realizes who she's meeting before she even sees her Dad right next to him. She takes in a very subdued gasp as his figure approaches and gets taller, and taller... she feels completely dwarfed.]
...G-God? [She hesitates, then follows up] Grandpa?
2/2
It's... wonderful to meet you...
[She's already crying.]
no subject
[ he seems to consider what he has to say for a moment and it looks like he might say something about it, though it sure is hard to read his expression. ]
You once asked me if you could put the ducks in robes and have them greet the newly arrived souls so they wouldn’t be lonely. Support Ducks, you called them.
[ what does that have to do with anything? who knows, he is about to touch base on one of his other claims when he spots a figure approaching them. he doesn’t have to use any kind of power to figure out that is his granddaughter.
that also means this complicated conversation is dunzo, or at least to be continued. the closer she gets, the more he can see Lucifer and Lilith in her. and right now, at the waterworks, he is seeing more of the former! ]
.. Oh! She’s bowing, why is she bowing?
[ very quickly, he crouches down to meet her on her level and extends one of his hands out to her. the four eyes surrounding his face commit her face to memory and the smile he gives her should work wonders as far as easing her anxiety. ]
Now, now! Dry your eyes, Charlie, there will be no tears on my watch. You’re my granddaughter, no kneeling or bowing. You know, Luci cried a lot too when I first created him. All the me damn time!
[ calling in a handkerchief, that of course has his name etched into a corner, he offers it to Charlie. ]
The pleasure’s all mine!
no subject
but then she's bowing and he startles, more startled when he speaks and lucifer leans over to hiss: ]
That's the image you conjure, dad, a guy that wants to be bowed to by literally anyone. Tell her to get up! [ then, at his normal volume: ] Charlie! Charlie, it's fine, that's, yeah, what he said. No bowing to family, ha ha ha. Don't tell her not to cry, dad, that's not how stopping crying works.
[ he's DOING HIS BEST HERE. which at least means he's not sniping, moreso anxious rambling.
he does fall silent after that though, quiet and still and watching. he doesn't know what to feel, or what to say, so he just. doesn't. he just stands there, watching his father greet his daughter like nothing ever, ever went wrong.
something twists in his chest agonized and angry, but he stamps it down.
finally: ]
Charlie, it sounds like some wires got crossed and he didn't know about you until, uh, a couple of hours ago. He said he wanted to meet you right away, and since he's, uh, him, when he went to go do that, presumably that's how he ended up here.
[ since there's no way they could have actually trapped god against his will. right? right. right. right. right. ]
no subject
T-Thank you! I mean... I never thought of what it would mean to meet... my Grandpa... until just a phone call ago.
[The effect is real, of course.]
It's more than a pleasure, Grandpa.
[Her eyes are still shining. God, she wanted to give him a hug.]