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heckinooc2024-06-28 06:03 pm
heckinmods) wrote in heckinooc2024-06-28 06:03 pm
TDM 003 - SUMMER
A: Garden Level - OOPS YOU DIED
[CONGRATS YOU DIED. Sucks for you!! But Abe and Lucy are DETERMINED to get paperwork done and to do that, they need to get to know YOU.
So as soon as you appear, no matter if you're going to heaven or hell, you get slapped with a "HELLO MY NAME IS ____" sticker by one of the sheep. Said sticker has two possible effects:
-The sticker may say your "True" name or a nickname you don't like, or an alias, etc. How did it get there?? Paperwork. There is a chance it's blank and you can write your own name too.
-Whenever they see a person, they will be compelled to shout "HELLO MY NAME IS [their name] AND I LIKE [something they like.]"
We speed therapying this shit. ]
B: SUMMER HELL
[Whether you're a demon or an angel, eventually you may want to visit the HellRaiser hotel below! Hell is where all the HIP HAPPENING THINGS are after all. Want a lava bath? Go to a club? Gamble?? Just get fucking drunk? Hell's your place.
However, despite being the afterlife, even hell is not immune from the heat of summer. And it's taking the whole flames of hell thing literally. So!
-You might be minding your own business, and suddenly part of your body or clothing just, fucking ignites on fire. Good luck with that!
-You may get badgered by demonic vendors, trying to push various summer t-shirts on you.
-You might get roped into some demons fucking EMBRACING THE HEAT. Ever been tied to a giant fire spit oven an open flame?? YOU HAVE NOW. Maybe someone will help you, or you can handle yourself just fine.
Or you might get lucky and none of that happens and you're just vibing. Good on you!!]
C: Heaven is Central Air Conditioning
[Heaven-side, the heavenly hotel is its normal, luxurious self except for one key different. . .A/C. That's right, only the hotels in Heaven have working air conditioning. Fucked up!! So chilling up here might be the right call. You can always go visit the beach too, or any of the delightful coffee shops. Heaven also is the only place to get caffeine. Wack.
Of course, even heaven is prone to wackiness. Newbies may be prone to:
-Like hell, there are plenty of vendors up here, but instead of cash, today they ask for payment in...jokes? Better give your best one.
-Cherubs may be especially pushy and try to get you dressed in extremely stuffy/heavenly clothing. Enjoy your corsets and such.
-At the beach, if you sun bathe too long without protection, oops! You may find your skin (fur, scales, whatever) turning not red, but another ridiculous color.
OR AGAIN, JUST DO WHATEVER. WHOMST CAN STOP YOU?? You have a phone just text strangers do what you want.]
OOC NOTES:
-"Ash this TDM seems kinda half assed" IT'S SUMMER AND I'M TIRED also with July having no themed event I wanted this TDM to be pretty generic so people can hop in without worrying about timelines!
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open!! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!
-Remember regardless of your alignment, you are free to travel to whatever level you wish!
Hell
[The first night they met Klaus called Nobunaga Simba and was forced to explain a bunch of Lion King references. Nobunaga hasn't seen it more than a dozen times, but yes definitely enough to reference it forever and ever. He rashly has his sword pointed at Michael's throat, though its only pointed right now, he's more trying to protect the imps, even if he's a bit late and they're at least only wounded.]
Admirable to ask for the top, but you miscalculated. Morningstar isn't the only Demon King in this Hell, and you're drawing a lot of attention if you only wanted to talk to him. Did you really think nothing of waltzing into Hell where even gods are seen as reasonable targets for assault? [.... by Nobunaga. Most people aren't daft enough to attack god(s) lbr.]
Also, use the fucking phone first, idiot. He could be having sex or something. Angels are so infuriating like this. Even my god knows that much. [Because Nobunaga flat out told Yato he could answer the phone while having sex if necessary, but Yato forbid that level of stupidity.]
no subject
I never drew my sword, I held back despite the fact that they were the instigators. I was not the one who underestimated the situation and, now, they won’t make the same mistake again. In the long run, I’ve likely saved them from future lapses in judgment.
[ he takes a step forward so the tip of the blade presses into his skin, regarding Nobunaga with a smile that is the furthest thing from condescending. this is the reception he was expecting to get here. ]
Had you arrived sooner, you would’ve seen that. Also, if you intended to kill me, you had the perfect opportunity when my back was turned. The sword is unnecessary. [ could he look any less impressed right now? possibly. ]
He is my brother. What do you stand to gain by taking my life, Demon King? Your dislike for Heaven blinds you, as it does for so many others. Sheathe your sword, I won’t give you the benefit of the doubt twice.
[ he makes a face at the last bit, not that he expected demons to be anything less than crass. he has a child now, of course he’s been partaking in it, that hardly means he wants to be reminded. ]
Tell me. Are you always this pleasant?
no subject
[1. That's absolutely true. Sometimes the only thing you can do to teach hellions anything is with extreme pain. Hence why Nobunaga is a sadist, and he loves Hell, like Lucifer loves people.]
[2. Stepping forward, INTO the sword? Yeah. That's some good badass shit Nobunaga's inner chuuni LOVES TO DEATH and inwardly squees loudly over!!!! The kind of thing Nobunaga would do to prove a point about his foe making a pointless threat and that he wasn't intimidated.]
[3. Yup. Could have stabbed himnin the back. Would never.]
I don't like killing. I prefer to torture. [4. Greed JUST fucking told him to stop saying this shit!! Oda means it though. Even if had to explain "life is torture. Monks are so weak they run away FROM LIFE." etc. Etc.]
[5. Askance look as Nobunaga needlessly shakes off the katana, (there's no blood, it's just that's the form before sheathing!) And puts it into scabbard when Michael mentions he's Lucifer's brother. Obviously one that didn't join the descent.] I suppose you'll be checking in on Asmodeus too then?
[6. (666):] I don't hate heaven! I hate fucking punks acting like they have any right to tell us how to exist when they don't have to be here in the first place! Of course we're hostile. We're not exactly running tourism gigs yet! [7: but he plans to.]
[8:] Hey, shut the fuck up. I'll take my sword back out. I didn't sheathe it because of you, I did it before you said that, baka. I'll fucking bite you. I don't need additional weapons, I am a weapon. It's just clear you and I both know we aren't intending to immediately slit any throats here so fine. [Irritated growl!] But don't make me change my mind.
[9 or maybe it's like 18 since the last set was multiple all clashed together:] No, I'm usually a lot worse. I punched your father before I even knew who he was. [KANYE SHRUG. Still sure you dont want to kill him, Michael???] You're catching me on a good day. The heaven version of imps [Cherubs, they're called cherubs.] Finally stopped trying to corrupt [Redeem] us and I've given up my self-imposed solidarity sobriety for my partner hoping they'll show up to kick my ass personally. [Thumbs up.]
Oda Nobunaga Demon King of 6th Heaven. Buddhist Hell, highest tier, realm of desire. He who freely makes use of things conjured by others. Enemy of the pious determined to off themselves and suffer in austerity to reincarnate into better caste levels. [There's a weird statement. But it's a weird thing altogether, so sure. Worth noting, Nobunaga has never explained it so succinctly, and likely never will again. Blame it on Lucifer. If everyone hates Lucifer, Nobunaga will love him, because Nobunaga's vision is as long term as he can make it.]
Are you -- [.... he doesn't know archangels well. They're not always clearly named in the bible, it's a weird additional lore, and for obvious reasons, Oda kind of glazes over when not talking about demons, which is the case for: Taoism, Shinto, Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Confuscianism, and even straight up fiction like Journey to the West, one of his favorite novels, and other plays like the Atsumori: his favorite-favorite.] Uhhh Gabriel is the communications one, so they'd know to use the phone. Uriel is flames, red oni. Death. So... probably used to this. [Head tilt. Raphael is healing, right???? Maybe??? It sounds right. Nobunaga sizes him up again and nods.] Blue oni? [Red one's a hothead, blue oni is cold and calm, dispassionate. And parted the waves so--] Michael?? [Hesitantly! And face scrunch. But all about JUSTICE and swords. The sword thing and fighting Lucifer as a dragon definitely stood out to Nobunaga because he had a long-ass debate with Luis Frois that dragons aren't reeeeallll. Luis Frois insisting they ARE because of St. George and ^ Michael vs. Dragon!Lucifer. Which just made Nobunaga fanboy Lucifer. A lot. Dragons > dragonslayers. Admittedly some respect points to Michael for not killing Lucifer, just exiling though. Nobunaga tries to do that too! He did with the shogun!!! But sometimes he's not strong enough, and then he has to prioritize the other innocent lives no matter what.] If I'm wrong... I'm not sorry. It's not like you can name all of Japan's 8 billion gods, right? Never mind their weapons. I can't either, it's just a lot of information in here, and most of it is pretty useless until it's randomly not.
no subject
definitely one of those answers, nothing else makes sense. ]
If nothing else, you’re honest.
[ wait just a damn minute. ] You enjoy torture, yet you came after me for defending myself. Did you honestly misread the situation that spectacularly or were you looking for an opponent? Your love for your environment is admirable, I imagine Lucifer must appreciate it as well?
[ absolutely a question because he has a sneaking suspicion that this man might be a menace not just to angels, but also to his own kind. in fact, were he a gambler, he would be willing to bet on it. ]
So, Asmodeus is here as well, it looks like I’m outnumbered yet again. I haven’t spoken to either of them in quite some time, for reasons I’m sure I don’t need to explain. They will probably greet me with just as much enthusiasm as you did.
[ with a sigh: ] Assumptions can be dangerous, Demon King. For starters, even if this was his Hell, I only attack those who draw their weapons against me first. Instigating a conflict in a place I’m not even familiar with would be foolish. If it puts you at ease, you can consider me an observer.
[ Nobunaga, he already let you walk away once, don’t make him regret it—even though he already does. ] You have free will, don’t you? You’re welcome to draw it again but, as I said, I have no interest in conflict until you force my hand. Biting me would also be considered a challenge, before you ask.
[ oh, the surprise is definitely there but, after everything that has happened, he is going to maintain his composure. ] You must have caught Him on a good day as well. Cherubs, yes. Corrupt you? I’ve yet to see any of them raise a weapon to a demon in Heaven, yet you would’ve been my second encounter in Hell in less than five minutes. Remind me again who the instigator is.
[ surely he will be impressed by such a long and majestic title—nope, but at least he looks thoughtful. ] That’s quite a mouthful. Since you seem partial to it, I’ll continue calling you Demon King if it’s all the same to you. [ also, the other thing he said: He who freely makes use of things conjured by others—does that make him a moocher? far be it from him to spoil his title. ]
Yes, my name is Michael. You’re well-versed in your knowledge, I would expect nothing less from one of the highest tier. However, I never said I didn’t understand the phone. Since I was already near the elevator, I came down here. Had I known I was going to be confronted, I would have used it. Even if you were wrong, I wouldn’t have corrected you.
[ there are as many gods as there are stars in the sky, he can’t fault someone for not knowing when he is just as uninformed. ]
It appears we’ve reached a truce, then? Unless you’re planning on stabbing me as I leave. Despite how passionate you are, I don’t think you will.
no subject
There's no sheep in my Hell. [Feral half snarl. The monks don't go in for livestock. Militant veganism.] You're an archangel, the hell could they do to you? If you're so strong you have to warn them, then you're strong enough their toothpicks can't hurt either. Yeah, I'm not... big on them attacking first and thinking about it later. It's a problem. An ancient one. One for me and mine to deal with, not someone who isn't living here among them daily. Foreigners with bigger weapons and ten times their size isn't going to make them calm down, is it? Optimistically, it's like you said. But if it's not? What if they just go take it out on someone weaker? If you really want to be Jesus-like, don't fight. Prove they can't even touch you. Show them the actually stronger way. Make them do better by force. If you're actually strong enough. That's how the missionaries got through to me. Where the Buddhists of my homeland cannot.
Uh.
[.......] Lucifer would kind of... like me to shut up I think????? [Rubs the back of his neck. Looks up at the sky.... wooooo...] I don't know. Ask him yourself. He is him, I am me, and so forth. [Nobunaga got all ridiculous and danced with Charlie, but also came close to picking a fight with Lucifer just because something something, armies? Extermination???]
[He's quiet for a bit until timing--] I can't really bite you. Not allowed. [Partner promise =/ at least he doesn't explain that having caught on somewhat to some of Michael's sensitivities.] Were you the one who wrestled Jacob or was that someone else?
[Selective fucking attention span but if hes going to challenge an angel...] We can play Go if you prefer. [Nobunaga don't.]
[Ugh the sigh. Greed warned him. Fucking warned him. Nobunaga rubs between his eyes.]
[What's the word for reverse-corrupt?] Not baptize... I got baptized actually. It itches like Hell. You know... opposite of Hell. Tingles. Prickles. [Rolls his shoulders thinking....] "Purify?" But no one here wants that. [He really really hates breaking the kayfabe. Tickling is torture to him, but he cannot call it tickling and if he says torture people think the same as Tayrey. Mind you, Nobunaga's been tortured, and would rather slices than tickling which just says a lot about how dumb he is.]
That's because the rever-- [Growl growl growl.] cherubs [Blech! Even saying it fills him with disgust!!!] Are insecure about their numbers. Hell has more population so they're trying to --
[Groans and rubs his temples think think think. Corrupt. Proselytize. Preach is too mild. So is lecture. And convince. Slowly, with great irritation:] Convert people to wanting to be up there. Badly. It pisses me off! [Hackles raised like a wild dog.] They're not doing anything to earn it. They're just like, "teehee, remember what nostalgia feels like? And we have some basic amenities! And coffee." As if coffee's not a disgusting replacement for tea by foreigners to find an excuse not to make the trip to Japan anyway.
[Wait. He's doing it again. He holds a hand up apologetically and slightly bows his head.] I get it. Heaven doesn't know better either. Were they on the ball, no one would be here. [And you know... Nobunaga has a bad habit of blowing up timelines to get what he wants, for all he knows, everyone is here because of him. Probably not. But there is definitely a non-zero chance. Certainly Tayrey and himself are probably his fault though!]
My minions are getting hassled for just existing. They don't get it yet. That they don't need to antagonize everyone to prove their own strength or resiliency. Heaven needs to actually be good, offering better, not trying to waste their time making hell worse. Hell doesn't need that. No one does. And if Heaven is so good, they should prove it and don't need to waste time even thinking about us, because we might as well not exist for all it affects them.
I'll take responsibility. Whatever you want to do to the sheep, do it to me instead, or just not at all. But they're just infants. They're not a threat to you. They shouldn't stab on sight, yes I know, but be stronger and it won't even matter what they're doing. Show them how you're superior if you think you are, and then they'll want to be like you. They're kind of still in that copying stage of children [Or chuuni denon kings ...] So if you stab them back, they'll think that's what they should do. If you're so strong you don't notice baby cubs teething on you they gradually learn to play gentler to be like you.
I don't know where Lucifer is right now, but I'll escort you anyway.
[He's so much worse than a moocher. He's an influencer! Dun dun dun!]
[Though he snorts about well-versed. He's not. But he is a demon king and more ambitious, and thirsty for knowledge than anyone he's even heard of, including most gods. As for not being corrected even if wrong:] Why not? I'm not assuming you're pitying me, I'm assuming you're getting the cultural values wrong. I value meritocracy. Something works, or it doesn't. I don't value passive lies of omission, and I don't value silence from fear. Clearly you have no problem speaking your mind, nor do you fear me. So correct me or others on everything, or we can't get better. I'd rather fight than be wrong, because then I'll dig a trench in the wrong spot or worse. My partner fought with me the day after we got married. It wasn't fun -- by which I mean it broke me for three weeks and I went colorblind and severe depression -- [See also: not fun.] but it let me figure out what the true problem was and only then could I fix it so we couod be stronger forever. I'm a soldier. A general. We do not stay silent, that gets good people killed.
[Okay this isn't... the worst. It's still really hard to break the kayfabe and inside out unfold his language meanings, but at least he did it with 1) Tayrey even if not HIS Tayrey, he still trusts the woman she is at core even without his influence, 2) Greed so there was practice on the completely different world and culture thing without the Tayrey sneaky thing where he knows hers even if not vice versa.]
no subject
That would not be the case if we were in our world. In coming here, we have been given an opportunity to see what a peaceful coexistence could be like. I realize it’s incredibly hot down here, I’ve taken that into consideration, but this is one instance where silence isn’t golden. It isn’t a matter of if they attack someone weaker but when, if what you say is true. Do you honestly think they won’t increase their numbers and try again to kill a stronger angel? It’s a vicious cycle, unfortunately. Pacificity, as much as I wish it were, is not the answer in this case. I will protect mine with just as much dedication as you do yours if they are threatened.
[ he can’t help but look amused at the mention of Lucifer being annoyed with him. ] It makes me wonder what you did to get him that way. There was a time when I thought he was incapable of thinking that way, but it was a long time ago.
[ .. pfft. Nobunaga, he is trying to be a neutral emissary, how dare you make him bite back a laugh. ] I don’t make a habit out of wrestling people, I wasn’t the one Jacob needed that day. That was God.
I’ve never played Go but, for now, will you walk with me? It would cool us both off and, with a Demon King at my side, we can test your theory. We both benefit—I can see Hell for myself and your demons will remain unharmed under your watchful eye. Though, when we do find my brother, you may not want to linger. [ he gestures forward and, without waiting for him, he proceeds to set their walking pace while folding his hands behind him. he could probably be less conspicuous but he isn’t trying to hide. ]
Convert. [ funny, he looks and sounds just as disappointed, even going as far as to press his lips into a thin line. ] It doesn’t work like that, or at least it shouldn’t. Souls have to want to be redeemed, they have to strive for it with their own two hands. I would never force a soul to join our ranks. For the longest time, we were unaware that redemption was possible, as it had never occurred before. No one is infallible, not in Heaven or Hell. We were wrong.
[ he is quiet for a bit, studying Nobunaga as he speaks and taking in his apologetic display. yet another curious demon, he thinks, one of many that remain to be unseen. finally, he draws a hand up and extends it to him as if to shake his hand. ] It seems we both have our work cut out for us.
I don’t make deals but I can extend you a promise, as someone who also wants the best for my people. Do what you’re able on your end and I will do the same. It may take time but it seems time is something we share in abundance here. I don’t believe I am superior, I’m simply an old man who has grown tired of the suffering.
No, it isn’t pity, but you are making an attempt. If I knew everything, things would be much different than they are now so, with that said, I am a student of knowledge. I want to learn about the various other versions of Heaven and Hell. Who better to teach me than you? In return, I will entertain your many questions, no matter how peculiar.
[ how does this man function with how easily he is distracted? it must be exhausting, it vaguely reminds him of a certain first man so he is handling him with similar gloves. a part of it is somewhat endearing, so he hums. since it brought him pain, he doesn’t touch on the subject of his partner. ]
I’ve never heard anyone equate demons to teething children.
1/? Idk bear with me. Lol
[Giant fucking huff. If Klaus doesn't get here in a day, he's going to bite Greed and see what happens.] When I traded the Christian missionaries we sealed it with konpeito. It's my miracle cure for hell, okay? I don't mean that badly, what I mean is... it's potential realized. [Hands one of the candy to Michael. Though there's a small start, remembering giving one to Tayrey and Klaus.] Don't worry there's nothing in it that can hurt angels. [Meat, or weird tainted hell problems.] It's how I wanted Japan to see the future we could have, where everyone could have candy if they want it. If the could stop killing each other and chase what they really want instead.
If you let it, it'll cure you. And it's from Christians and that's your thing, so it should work extra, right? [He doesn't know. But if faith is what it takes to walk on water... he might not believe in God/s easily but he believes in himself and humanity.]
2/?
We can arm wrestle if you prefer. Or thumb wrestle. Or play a different game. I'll learn whatever you want. I'm not fond of chess, it's too formulaic, but my sister Valdis preferred it, she's from Norse Hell. Hellhounds, but also a valkyrie.
3/5 I think
Yeah. They - the imps, don't have to be humbled, just taught. They should try harder to keep the hotel lobby off limits, bare minimum because Dyna-might and Lucifer, and everyone else keeps reminding them, but it's not like we can do a clear census and keep track of them all either. They're not exactly lining up to be counted. And who knows, they might make the counters fall asleep so they could run and play. [GET IT?????]
[Listen, there are no sheep in his hell. He's been dying to make these jokes for ages.]
Don't underestimate most angels here either. Dee smacked them around silly. She's from the same time as Klaus roughly, but Philadelphia, but for all she lives in the future's peace and prosperity, she pulled moves I've never seen before.
[No cops is a firm Hell "rule," but at what point does it have to bend? EVER?]
[Maybe instead of that, instead of creating a Hideyoshi-style task force, he can just teach people who want to go through Hell more self-defense to keep them from getting hurt? Well... starting with people to protect others. What if they start slightly sheering the wool of the more problematic imps? He likes that. Make being bald lame and emphasize the cool-ness of HAIR. Wool is dumb and annoying, but -- no wait. Then the non-problematic ones would get caught up in it because overconsumption is a feature not a flaw of capitalism. Better just stick to sugar.]
But yes... There are enough I am worried.
I said we should make some heat sinks, but since I don't know how to build infrastructure without an army -- even Dee said government takes care of roads and big building projects in America - future -- but Morningstar and others kind of freaked because I also was telling my compatriot that we can work on extinguishing the flames of -- [EYEROLL UP TO THE SKY.] I said specifically extermination because he was bored. It has specific connotations, as you know. [GLANCES.] It's the same word for getting a wide populace to stop bad habits. You know, [GESTURES TO IMPS ROASTING ANOTHER ON A FIRE. And holds up a hand so he can go rescue the one about to be BBQ'd. Returns just as casually as that though. It's... disturbingly like walking through the worst most reckless parts of Japan in his youth. The imps are just baby bandits and don't know better and on that note --] these habits. [SIGH.] It's the same word: extermination.
They haven't had time to learn. They're not as strong or fast as anyone else, and they lash out like a wounded animal that's afraid. [He hates saying that because it's ARGUABLY true about him too, why he lives the Noh metaphor life, and he doesn't want to examine that ever.]
If all you've ever known is this [Gestures around at the chaos and destruction and way too much heat.] You don't even know why you'd want anything else. Charlie, Lucifer's daughter wants to help anyone who wants to get redeemed make it happen. But I don't want to. I don't want to go to Heaven I want to make Hell better, give them enough drive to see that they can do better, have more, more options, more fun, more everything. [And then fix whatever messed up Tayrey to pull her here, and go back to traveling. But the rest is universal for all Hells, and wherever he winds up.]
4/5
[If this was online, he'd post the song now that he knows how, but alas, 3D is inferior for this reason.]
You sound like my brother in law, 5. [A beat. How does that translate.] To be clear, his name is 5. Not the 5th brother-in-law. I don't know how it's translating in English. Lucifer switches to Japanese for me, because it gets... difficult. That whole fall of Babylon or whatever. [Tower of Babel. Not Babylon. Moving on.] Klaus is my lucky 4. That's the death number in my Hell. Taboo. Forbidden. So he's lucky for me. [Don't.... don't ask. Spare your brain at least whatever's left Michael...]
Except 5 knows there's never enough time. [Well when you BREAK IT CONSTANTLY, yeah?!]
[And then Nobunaga tries not to react to the handshake. BE COOL DEMON KING. BE COOL.]
[.... Right yeah, Nobunaga can't be cool. He's not cool. Ieyasu is cool like ice cream that doesn't care if you like him because he doesn't need to be eaten by you, baka.]
[Nobuanga is RAD.]
[Okay, Demon King, be RAD.]
[... Actually don't, because the most radical reaction to a handshake is to use it for a sumo throw. Don't. Do. That.]
[He's given 3 handshakes in his whole lifetime now.]
[One to Crichton, one to Tayrey, one to another explorer. Notably, all of them were spacers and not threats.]
[He freezes up a little, but does his best. HAND SHAKE. VERY NORMAL. His whole body might be quivering. This is worse than the time Amaterasu showed him the holy sword!] Don't. Shake hands with -- [Oh wait. That's too commanding.] Normally. We bow where I'm from. Demon Kings do not -- that is from my Hell, handshakes would be... [FACE SCRUNCH.] I'm doing this because I'm agreeing to your terms. But normally, any demon king worth a pillar of salt would use this to throw you over their shoulder. It's hard to fight the reflex. [TIGHT GRIN. IS HE JOKING?????] I know from Tayrey, that means you'd just learn not to trust me or demons, but I don't want to be trusted either, so that's not a punishment, I just don't want to give the wrong idea here. [... He also doesn't want the imps SHOT or beaten senseless all the time or --] Just... if you ever try to shake hands with another demon, don't expect so much from them. I should really come up with a different hand signal like JPop moves or ask Megumin for--
OH! [Makes metal rock demon hands! That works, right?!???] Or you can do hand-hearts. [Curves one hand into half a heart and leaves it for Michael to fill in the other half.] There are also bro-fists, and thumbs up. [Demonstrates also!]
5/5 done :V FOR NOW
[1) he'd totally teach him anything Michael needed/wanted/MORE THAN NEEDED/WANTED ANYWAY because Nobunaga can't stop himself and needs to in order to make things run smoother.]
[2) That's basically the deal he had with Tayrey on the ship. With some extra details and survival as well.]
[3-99 are variations on "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MICHAEL? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY QUESTIONS [NOBUNAGA] HAS ON A CONSTANT PERMANENT BASIS?!!?!?!?!" Nobuanga can't even count them all, but they are truly, TRULY, **FAR FAR LESS** than all the 8 billion Shinto gods. If Greed wants money, women, and power, but at least knows the value of information, Nobuanaga wants: knowledge, knowledge, and more knowledge. He doesn't seek omnipotence, that's boring to him. He enjoys the process of learning. He spends every waking moment of his PTSD insomnia reading encyclopedias online and trying to catch up on all the human knowledge repositories on the internet. THIS IS WHY there is never enough time. INFINITY cannot give him enough time. It's WHY he wants to explore. He needs to know MORE. And even then, he has to see it first hand whenever he can, enjoy it, live it. The first 5 days he spent with Yato was questions. THE LAST FIVE DAYS WAS JUST QUESTIONS TOO?!]
[Except Oda IS, IN FACT, Evil enough to take advantage of this opportunity and not let go, just latch onto it like a bear trap.]
[He thinks he is.]
[He's like... 99.999999999999% sure he is. Because that desire, that RAW untamed ambition even Klaus couldn't truly dent, and world traveling just made him hunger for more isn't just a black hole consuming him inside out. It's gone supernova as well, threatening to light up the whole universe in a big bang explosion that never happened (or it did, whatever, he doesn't care actually. What's interesting is everything that comes after!)]
[A 0.00000000000000000001% waver because he LIKES Tayrey's culture of AFFIRMATION OF CONTRACTS.]
[And if he's going to do that he can't view it like a normal contract, or even a CONTRACT WITH FOREIGN MISSIONARIES SIGNED WITH KONPEITO WHICH IS TOTALLY SUPER MAGICAL AND CURES EVERYTHING EVEN TIME AND COUNTRIES AND HELL ITSELF if you let it.]
[Luis Frois told Nobuanga (and the world in his book about Nobuanga & the Japan) he was waging a holy war, even though Nobunaga insists he was... on the demon side :|||]
[But worst of all, he wants it all. He WILL have his cake AND EAT IT TOO. AND FIND A WAY TO DUPLICATE IT AND HAVE MORE CAKE AND FEED EVERYONE CAKE -- Except Law who doesn't like cake, so he can have konpeito instead.]
How much do you want to irritate Lucifer?
[It was then that Nobunaga got an idea. An awful idea. The Demon King had a wonderful, awful idea.]
["Lucifer doesn't want me to have an army," he thought. "But what if I made Michael part of my army, just like how it would normally go in any other world, to teach him exactly what being in the Demon King's army is like?"]
["WOULDN'T THAT BE FUNNY?!?!?!?!?!"]
[It was a truly wonderful awful horrible brilliant idea.]
You can join my army.
[There it is.]
Of course I can't call it an army, it freaks too many people out. But it's basically the same thing. It's not like demons are great about formally following rules or rank. That was also the whole point of my army. To overhaul and maybe even someday abolish all the caste system nonsense. Demon Kings and armies go hand in gauntlet. It's a common human stereotype, they all know it's true. [And you know... Nobunaga started it, Japan continued it with fiction, which is not coincidentally how Nobunaga planned to give Japan economic freedom and dominance, so it's all a full circle. The Demon King's oni vision (oni are believed to be able to see the future) works as planned.]
[This is a brilliant idea. He had a hellhound who viewed Nobuanga as HERS not vice versa, and indeed, had nearly total control over him .... as much as anyone can which as you can see, is not a lot. And his kitsune is literally tasked with killing him sometimes for "plots." What could go wrong? Arguably, what could go right, really?]
But if you wear the Oda symbol, definitely no one will touch you, and I'll have mutual responsibility to look after you as one of my own.
[This is the best worst idea he's ever had. And he's nothing but bad rad wild ideas.]
You won't even be my first angel. Both Valdis and Mitsunari: my tactician are. And Tayrey -- Doesn't count anymore, her memories are gone, she's a different Tayrey, but she would have also been. [Nod nod.] This is a good idea. [No. No, it's not.]
Plus... [The biggest fucking reason of all.] Otherwise I can't hold back. I mean, I don't hold back on my army either, my generals, but I don't have to view them as outside of my own. I had one law in my Hell. [Grimly, and earnestly:] Join or die. I didn't kill everything NOT my army, that wasn't necessary, it was already Hell. I just meant they wouldn't survive. If they joined, I could help them survive, that was my contract. More than just survive. Thrive. That's what I wanted. Prosperity, not just peace and end to the wars.