TDM 001!!

[heckinmods]

[ SEE GAME NAVIGATION TO READ UP ON HECK GAME BEFORE PLAYING IF YOU SO DESIRE ]

A) MAY I OFFER U PIE IN THIS TRYING TIME(GARDEN LEVEL)
[OOPS YOU DIED. WELCOME TO THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL. If you're new here, have a sheep cherub or imp slap a "HI MY NAME IS--" sticker on you, and frantically explain "DON'T WORRY, WE'RE WORKING ON IT, WE'LL HAVE YOU OUT HERE....AT...SOME POINT..." Wack. Also, you may noticed that your body may or may not have changed. What's up with that??? Who cares, at least you have as spiffy new cell phone! You're also told you're free to take the elevators up to Heaven or down to Hell. Good luck!

In the mean time--join the garden party that's going on! Or at least, it seems like a party?? Except all they are serving is pie. Apple pie. Blueberry pie. The classics. For you more Carnivorous types, there's stuff like mince pie, and...the name is smudged, but maybe don't eat that one unless you're a cannibal.

But along with a variety of normal pies, if you accidentally eat a weird pie, your character might experience the following:
Vinegar Pie - It's tasty but suddenly you're compelled to blurt out an Insult or ruthlessly tease the next person you see.
"Sweet" Potato - If you're a normally grumpy or aggro character, this pie will suddenly make you want to be more affectionate! This can be anything from wanting to hold hands or saying genuine nice things.
Humble Pie - Suddenly you feel complimenting or praising others and might downplay your own achievements, or insult yourself.

You can probably shake off the effects, but hey. Free pie!! ]


B) LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE (HELL LEVEL)
[TIME TO EXPLORE. Today in the Hell Level, the Hotel (Ho-hell? Helll-tel? Okay just Hotel) it's time for spring cleaning! Wait, didn't they just have that? An Imp says yes, but this is a different type of cleaning. Time to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!!!

Which is to say, out of no where you might receive a PUNCH in the face by a local, or an imp! If the latter it's like being bapped by a sick little lamb. Still, even if a local punches you, you suddenly heal immediately? That's right, TODAY ONLY, this is a 'get into a scrap injury free' spring holiday, and you can rough house as much as you want with each other today in the Hotel, and NO DAMAGE will remain! Ever wanted to get cut in half and suddenly stitch back together? WELL TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

If you're not into PG rated guro however, why don't you try exploring:
-The clubs! The nightlife in hell is FANTASTIC and genuinely fun!
-Games! Along with casinos galore, there are also normal arcades! Any game you can imagine, it exists.
-Or explore parts of Hell's Hotel that don't involve getting into a dogpile! ]


C) MARCH COMES IN LIKE....(HEAVEN LEVEL)
[TODAY IN HEAVEN THOUGH, there are advertisements for the ZOO!! A zoo in heaven?? Fuck yea!! But when you get there you see nothing but...........lions. And lambs. Just, everywhere. They aren't fighting though, but being super cute and soft and have tiny wings. You can pet them and pick them up--well the lambs at least. The lion might crush you. But you're dead anyway so give it a shot champ!!

Local angels explain that every 'spring' the zoo does this, and it's a sign of good fortune! You might wonder why you need good fortune in Heaven, but fuck it, when it Rome!! If you stick around long enough the zoo will change back to 'normal' and you can find other animals to gawk at.

If zoos aren't your thing though, check out heaven's:
-BEACH!! How is there an ocean and sandy white beach in the sky! Who cares, it's heaven! Beach episode time!
-Coffee shops! There are no coffee shops in hell! LIVE YOUR COFFEE AU DREAMS.
-Or just explore the Heavenly hotel in general!]

D) WILDCARD
[DO WHATEVER ELSE or send text messages on your phone!! ]


OOC NOTES:
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open next Sunday! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!

Comments

[kuchisake_shojo]

Oh? You know some nasty angels?

[princess_of_hell]

It's... a very, very depressing story.

Angels would... come to hell once a year, and kill as many demons as they could, before leaving.

"Curb overpopulation." Y'know, because more people get cast into Hell instead of going to Heaven.

[kuchisake_shojo]

...oh.

[ Well that went darker than she expected. ]

If you outnumber them, can't you just kill them back?

[princess_of_hell]

They were invincible. No weapon would hurt them.

Even if one weapon theoretically could, sinner demons aren't very easily organized into armies to fight back in sheer numbers. It sorta becomes "all for one." The more powerful demons hide, the smaller ones, the unlucky ones, die.

...I had an exemption, so I was never a target, but witnessing it... it's terrifying, what they do.

[kuchisake_shojo]

Tch. Guess there's not much of a God either, huh?

[princess_of_hell]

...That's another thing you might put under "angels should know something about, but hell if they're going to say."

Angels couldn't even tell me what gets a soul into Heaven. And it was a pertinent question, because a lot of angels are assholes.

[...]

Sorry, don't get me started.

[dj_dedf1sh]

Right.

[ They nod as they trot along behind, taking one last glance at the things before focusing their attention on where this guy is taking them. ]

[noctuagoetia]

[Blitzø was really like someone out of an action movie. The owl's heart couldn't help but do a funny flip in his chest as the watched the imp parkour wall the hall to land nimbly in front of his kidnapper. Stolas didn't even seem to mind the blood as the poor hotel staff was quickly disposed of and scooped up into Blitzø's arms. Please don't mind the pink flush that heated his checks as his brain recalibrated.

A moment passes before Stolas shakes away the rosy tint from his face and processes what the imp had said.]

R-right. That is a sound plan. I could run by myself but I am a bit tied up.

[helluvamess]

[Blitzø shifts Stolas to drape over his shoulder, planting a firm hand on his thigh to keep him in place and relying on those bird legs to keep clear of the ground as he starts down the hallway at a jog.]

Yeah, yeah. I'll get you free in a minute. I just don't wanna fucking be around these assholes when they come back.

[He skids around a corner and down another hallway, then kicks a random door in. The room is fortunately empty and Blitzø tosses Stolas onto the bed.]

Now we've got time...

[helluvamess]

[Should he be worried about that? He should probably be worried about that. Still, he doesn't feel anything strange after that green shit, so he'll worry about it later. He takes the card with a doubtful look, and tucks it into his jacket.]

Yeah well so long as you pay me.

[helluvamess]

You mean do paperwork? On purpose?

[Have you forgotten who you're talking to, Fizz?]

[kuchisake_shojo]

You can vent to me. I hate society too.

[twominutes]

[ yes, he should have seen this part coming.

HOWEVER, he has a solution in place. ]

No, I meant threatening them until they work faster. The hole punches are knives, obviously.

[ NAILED IT (?) ]

[noctuagoetia]

[There was a little hoot as Blitzø tossed him over the shoulder and he instinctive tucked in his long legs so they didn't hit the floor. Stolas could feel the heat of the imp's palm against his thigh. It was just a simple touch but it set all his nerves on edge. No, no, don't think about it.

Buuuuuut so much for that thought as the next thing he knew was Blitzø was kicking down a door and tossing his ass onto a bed. He landed with another muffled hoot onto the down comforter. With his wrists and ankles still bound, he wiggled like a worm to try to sit up to stare back at Blitzø. This scene looked awfully familiar to a dream he once had... A faint flushed glowed in the dim light of the vacant room as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Don't be horny, don't be horny. Blitzø is more than just sex. Don't be horny. Don't be-]

Yes! Yes. Plenty of time! [A beat as he cocked a questioning brow, eyes darting to the bed back to Blitzø.] ..... T-time for what exactly?

[hookersandblows]

I thought it would be obvious. Your name alongside the Vees? No strings attached, no deals. With Velvette's and my support, we'll be back on top where we belong in no time.

[ He rested against the bar, tilting his head to get a better look at her. ]

That includes you. This hell has no idea who the fuck we are... and I know you'll be more than happy to change that, no? I need the best of the best.

[ The implication because she is one of the best in the biz, after all... but he does watch her display with the smallest smirk on his lips. Yep, the best in the biz. ]

It's a small city. Not gonna be the last time I see you, Verosika.

[hookersandblows]

Who says we have to..?

[ But he knows better... and it's a sort of vanity that has him wanting to show the new place off. He's been working on the interior decorating, after all. If they don't have their tower back, the least he could do is recreate their elaborate, cozy little penthouse lounge with what this counterfeit hell has to offer.

But the assgrab is short lived and that wandering arm slides around Vox's waist for a quick hug. ]

...maybe I missed that flat face more than I knew. Go figure.

[hookersandblows]

[ If Valentino had a conscience, he wasn't aware of it. Maybe he did once a very long time ago but that had probably been beaten out of him quickly in either his living days or when he landed in hell. The things he'd done to survive, to claw and scratch and stab and shoot his way up to the top and the things he'd done to make sure he stayed there.

There was no room for a conscience in that blackened little thing that used to be his heart. Empathy... sympathy... that kind of shit made you weak. Made you easy prey. And here was their princess, Little Miss Bleeding Heart Herself. As far as he was concerned, the easiest target in all of Hell.

Her friends would clearly be her undoing. ]

Hey, it isn't my fault they opened fire first. Spring cleaning, they said. So I just helped take out the trash.

Maybe I did get a little... carried away.

[princess_of_hell]

Well... I feel bad venting so much to a friend, but, all right.

So, as Princess of Hell, I was thinking of ways to help my people... "what's another way we could curb overpopulation?" Maybe we could help demons rehabilitate! After all, who says Hell has to be the end? If someone can change their ways while they're alive, why can't they do it in Hell? Demons could redeem themselves and be allowed to live in Heaven. Then, there wouldn't be overpopulation in Hell anymore. And the exterminations could stop.

I tried to get Heaven on my side with this. --I got permission to enter through the golden gates, talk to a jury of decision-making angels, and everything. It's then I find out almost all of Heaven didn't even know about the exterminations. They kept it as a dirty little secret because, guess what! It's heartless and cruel! So, now I've got the sympathetic angels who actually take virtue seriously on my side, and on the other there's the exorcists, who are actually doing the killing. And, unlucky for me, the judge is a two-faced angel who knows it's wrong but is willing to just shrug her shoulders and go "Oh well!" It doesn't matter how much progress my friends have made to become better people. Heaven was right, I'm wrong, the end.

The exorcists came for us after that. They came to kill me and my friends personally. But, we found out what kills angels and we were able to organize something of an army against them. We killed their leader, and... they left. --Hopefully, they won't come back.

[...]

Oh, then I woke up here.

[helluvamess]

[He doesn't answer immediately, instead jumping up onto the bed as well to stand over Stolas and produce a knife with a wicked grin.]

What do you think?

[A moment of leering... and then he bends down to cut the ropes holding Stolas.]

Though why the fuck you couldn't get this off yourself is what gets me. Enjoying being damsel?

[princess_of_hell]

[A deep breath. She wasn't going to bite at the first part, but that second part was interesting.]

Well, I think that's a good opportunity to offer some unprompted advice. --That is, that the first part of becoming a better person is admitting when you are wrong!

[...]

So... maybe there's hope?

[helluvamess]

I guess I do have a knife and a gun here...

But I can't see you managing to threaten anyone.

[noctuagoetia]

[For a second as Blitzø stood over him brandishing the knife, his heart caught in his throat. Oh shi- was he- were they-?

Then the binds were cut and any thought of imp taking him right there vanished. G...good?

Collecting himself, he sits up more to rub his wrists.]

While I do love it when you play the hero but since arriving, my powers feel.... muted. I wasn't able to transform into my full form when they attacked me. Which concerns me what else of my abilities are gone.

[helluvamess]

[Letting Stolas rub circulation back into his wrists, Blitzø tucks his knife away and takes a seat on the bed as well.]

May as well test it now. I doubt you can make a portal out of here but maybe you can open it other places or--

Wait, you're saying that you can't even get out of a shitty rope on your own without magic?

[noctuagoetia]

[Stolas’s brows furrow at Blitzø as he placed his hands on his hips, shooting him a flat stare.]

Well excuse me. Not all of us were gifted with physical strength. It wouldn't be a problem if I could transform. My other magic I need free use of my hands to wield.

[He huffs a little as of it was simple logic. Duh.]

I could try and see if I can create portals but the issue is I don't know this place well yet. I need to be able to visualize the otherside for it to work or otherwise I could portal us into a wall. Rather messy.

[supersaver]

[She giggles a little bit. Alastor, you are so valid in your old-timey, grandpa ways. But then seems to look a little sheepish, because he hit the nail on the head.]

Eh, no...I-I don't I'm afraid. If anything, I'd probably be best at moving heavy equipment and other resources. I'm real good at that, but I understand. If you need anything though, I'd be happy to help, Alastor-san. It'd be my pleasure!