[ hooo, boy. okay, this is a rough one. lucifer is decisive: he's not going to be dismissive, he's not going to be up his own ass about how he knows more about heaven than charlie (even though he does, painfully so), and he's not going to fuck this up. ]

Charlie...

[ yeah, that's all he's got at first. give him a second. he stalls for time by tipping her face to look at him and offering a little smile. ]

I know you care. I know you care so, so much more than anyone else has ever been capable of caring. Of loving the people of Hell. You got that from— You got that from your mother.

[ it's hard to do this here. it's really hard but he's trying. ]

With that in mind, I need you to believe me when I tell you that Heaven's united front, their main goal, has always been homogeny. Perfection when no one is actually perfect. Not even dear old Dad. [ god, not lucifer. everyone knows lucifer isn't perfect, that's the joke. ] If there were to be a civil war in Heaven, which would be very difficult to induce, we would be the least of their problems. They would be so focused on making each other bend to the other's side and beliefs that they'd forget about us entirely.

[ he takes a breath and lets it out slowly. ]

If anything, they'd just send all the supporters of the hotel down to Hell. [ a little wry: ] Trust me on this one, Charlie. I know.

[ of course he does. from experience. heaven sending people places is never about ignoring them, it's all about punishing them. a place with an open elevator between heaven and hell is not, technically, a punishment.

certainly not one cruel enough for heaven to have made. ]