heckinooc | TDM 001!!

TDM 001!!

[ SEE GAME NAVIGATION TO READ UP ON HECK GAME BEFORE PLAYING IF YOU SO DESIRE ]

A) MAY I OFFER U PIE IN THIS TRYING TIME(GARDEN LEVEL)
[OOPS YOU DIED. WELCOME TO THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL. If you're new here, have a sheep cherub or imp slap a "HI MY NAME IS--" sticker on you, and frantically explain "DON'T WORRY, WE'RE WORKING ON IT, WE'LL HAVE YOU OUT HERE....AT...SOME POINT..." Wack. Also, you may noticed that your body may or may not have changed. What's up with that??? Who cares, at least you have as spiffy new cell phone! You're also told you're free to take the elevators up to Heaven or down to Hell. Good luck!

In the mean time--join the garden party that's going on! Or at least, it seems like a party?? Except all they are serving is pie. Apple pie. Blueberry pie. The classics. For you more Carnivorous types, there's stuff like mince pie, and...the name is smudged, but maybe don't eat that one unless you're a cannibal.

But along with a variety of normal pies, if you accidentally eat a weird pie, your character might experience the following:
Vinegar Pie - It's tasty but suddenly you're compelled to blurt out an Insult or ruthlessly tease the next person you see.
"Sweet" Potato - If you're a normally grumpy or aggro character, this pie will suddenly make you want to be more affectionate! This can be anything from wanting to hold hands or saying genuine nice things.
Humble Pie - Suddenly you feel complimenting or praising others and might downplay your own achievements, or insult yourself.

You can probably shake off the effects, but hey. Free pie!! ]

B) LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE (HELL LEVEL)
[TIME TO EXPLORE. Today in the Hell Level, the Hotel (Ho-hell? Helll-tel? Okay just Hotel) it's time for spring cleaning! Wait, didn't they just have that? An Imp says yes, but this is a different type of cleaning. Time to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!!!

Which is to say, out of no where you might receive a PUNCH in the face by a local, or an imp! If the latter it's like being bapped by a sick little lamb. Still, even if a local punches you, you suddenly heal immediately? That's right, TODAY ONLY, this is a 'get into a scrap injury free' spring holiday, and you can rough house as much as you want with each other today in the Hotel, and NO DAMAGE will remain! Ever wanted to get cut in half and suddenly stitch back together? WELL TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

If you're not into PG rated guro however, why don't you try exploring:
-The clubs! The nightlife in hell is FANTASTIC and genuinely fun!
-Games! Along with casinos galore, there are also normal arcades! Any game you can imagine, it exists.
-Or explore parts of Hell's Hotel that don't involve getting into a dogpile! ]

C) MARCH COMES IN LIKE....(HEAVEN LEVEL)
[TODAY IN HEAVEN THOUGH, there are advertisements for the ZOO!! A zoo in heaven?? Fuck yea!! But when you get there you see nothing but...........lions. And lambs. Just, everywhere. They aren't fighting though, but being super cute and soft and have tiny wings. You can pet them and pick them up--well the lambs at least. The lion might crush you. But you're dead anyway so give it a shot champ!!

Local angels explain that every 'spring' the zoo does this, and it's a sign of good fortune! You might wonder why you need good fortune in Heaven, but fuck it, when it Rome!! If you stick around long enough the zoo will change back to 'normal' and you can find other animals to gawk at.

If zoos aren't your thing though, check out heaven's:
-BEACH!! How is there an ocean and sandy white beach in the sky! Who cares, it's heaven! Beach episode time!
-Coffee shops! There are no coffee shops in hell! LIVE YOUR COFFEE AU DREAMS.
-Or just explore the Heavenly hotel in general!]

D) WILDCARD
[DO WHATEVER ELSE or send text messages on your phone!! ]

OOC NOTES:
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open next Sunday! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[ oh NO.

two things happen in quick succession.

one, he panics because charlie is upset.

two, he gets the fuck over himself and sweeps her into his arms for a big ol (lil ol?) dad hug. ]

Hey, hey, Charlie! No matter what it is, we'll figure it out, okay? You and me and your friends. We've come this far with Heaven against us, right?

[Truth be told, there's a lot here he doesn't know. A different Hell, different worlds, different places.]

[Still, that's interesting, isn't it?]

sorry frined havent heard of eithr of those. bt beiing here thtt shuldnt be allthat surprising.

whtt is it youre lookin for exctly?

I can't say that's an impossibility. I'm... not sure if it's something she would do, but I know it's something she could. I've observed Fortuna in several relapsing universes, she doesn't always practice the same kindness she's shown me. It might be too convenient for this all to be a joke, though. Besides, as far as I know, I'm the only one here who's interacted with her directly. If she did put me here for an extended Time Out, then where did all of you come from?

[Lucky indeed! Paracelsus would almost be jealous if he wasn't already used to things not going his way. Almost. He still hasn't seen a single sign of A.B.A. yet, so if he had his original body with no wielder, then he wouldn't exactly be able to move around.

And he's not exactly interested in taking up a new partner right now.

So, as much as he hates to admit it, having legs is..............fine. Let's go with fine.]

Ah... Well, that makes it less awkward. My changes are pretty drastic, so I was worried I stood out more than others.

[Says the perfectly normal looking guy.]

So.......no, I'm not okay. [/casually] But I'm supposed to be in Hell, right? I'm assuming not being okay is the idea.

[Wait, what, he got it first try?! Well damn, maybe he knows more about the human body than he realizes.]

You say that like it's going to go somewhere!!

[She starts to hyperventilate]

W-Well, like I said, I'm just letting my mind run away with me. It's nothing! I know it's nothing.

But, thanks...

[Dad's trying to help... she's not used to being so open hugged by him, but he's trying to help so she bears with it.]

Um... imagine Heaven was divided into two sides... one who supported the idea of the Hazbin Hotel, and one that decided it didn't really matter? Imagine the exorcists fly back to Heaven with Adam dead. --Maybe the peaceful angels now control what Heaven does? Or maybe they become vengeful angels who want revenge? Maybe there's a split between them where they can't resolve their differences? ...Especially if the hotel does work at some point?

[...]

Dad, what if I just caused a civil war throughout heaven, and their solution was to just... you know... send us away?

Well, that's what you were asking people about, right?

Is there anyone else who would actually have that kind of relationship to every single one of us? What kind of answer were you expecting that would work for everyone?

Maybe this is some kind of pocket dimension that's set up for anyone with power to exile people to whenever they want, so multiple culprits are at play.

It's pretty arbitrary how they sort people, though, as far as I can tell. Even if not being okay was the point, I dunno how good of an idea it is to just sit back and accept that kind of treatment!

What are you usually like?

[It's hard to tell what the original form could possibly be, when faced with someone who looks like a normal looking human guy.]

[Just the...blankest stare.]

No, I think they got it right this time...

[Paracelsus cannot deny that he probably deserves this somehow. But it's fine, his life was already Hell-]

Anyway, I was just an axe. [Stiffly, he chops the air with his hand, as if the idea of an axe is somehow hard to comprehend.] So I'm sure you can imagine this is a lot for me.

A fair point, and a conclusion I am also coming around to. Maybe this is some kind of grease-trap dimension for extremely powerful beings. I haven't met anyone boring here either, so it feels likely. Are we just a giant accidental coven of shit-disturbers? Multiple culprits does make the most sense, too. It doesn't bode well. But it makes sense.

[ hooo, boy. okay, this is a rough one. lucifer is decisive: he's not going to be dismissive, he's not going to be up his own ass about how he knows more about heaven than charlie (even though he does, painfully so), and he's not going to fuck this up. ]

Charlie...

[ yeah, that's all he's got at first. give him a second. he stalls for time by tipping her face to look at him and offering a little smile. ]

I know you care. I know you care so, so much more than anyone else has ever been capable of caring. Of loving the people of Hell. You got that from— You got that from your mother.

[ it's hard to do this here. it's really hard but he's trying. ]

With that in mind, I need you to believe me when I tell you that Heaven's united front, their main goal, has always been homogeny. Perfection when no one is actually perfect. Not even dear old Dad. [ god, not lucifer. everyone knows lucifer isn't perfect, that's the joke. ] If there were to be a civil war in Heaven, which would be very difficult to induce, we would be the least of their problems. They would be so focused on making each other bend to the other's side and beliefs that they'd forget about us entirely.

[ he takes a breath and lets it out slowly. ]

If anything, they'd just send all the supporters of the hotel down to Hell. [ a little wry: ] Trust me on this one, Charlie. I know.

[ of course he does. from experience. heaven sending people places is never about ignoring them, it's all about punishing them. a place with an open elevator between heaven and hell is not, technically, a punishment.

certainly not one cruel enough for heaven to have made. ]

[She meekly watches his face as he talks. She can't help feeling like a child again getting a real life lesson from her parent. Only while others were dismissive... this one makes sense.

On the one hand, the thought that what she did to help sinners with her hotel just didn't matter: heart-breaking.

On the other, the idea that angels would just forget about Hell and focus on putting down all dissent, even that born out of truth, fairness, and justice... it's too much in line with what she observed in Heaven.]

Okay. [A softer, calmer breath.] I trust you. ...Dad.

[She brings up a hand to give his a little pat, then pull it away so he can hold it.]

But, thank you. --For honestly listening.

[ it takes a lot for lucifer to keep it together for that conversation. but he is capable of it, and managed it, even if his kneejerk instinct is still to be... well.

one of his faults is pride, after all, and it's hard to let go of a 'father knows best' mentality, which is really ironic, all things considered. so it's good to take the step.

it's good to hear charlie say she trusts him, even if it has to be about something like this.

he squeezes her hand and offers her a little smile. ]

You've grown more than I ever realized before all of this. I need to remember that you're not the little girl I held in my arms anymore. You deserve to have me listen to you.

[ whew, this is too much. he's not sure how much more genuine emotion he can take right now, and charlie needs some levity he's pretty sure.

so: ]

But hey, let's focus on the current issues for now. Obviously this place is a pale imitation of the real thing, but do you wanna see if I can show you some of the coolest parts I remember? If they're here, of course!

Oh, who doesn't have nefarious intentions these days! You can hardly throw a stick without hitting someone with an evil plan. As they say, you can't lie to a liar! [ that is not something 'they' say, really, but he sounds so confident as he says it. and sure, maybe their perceptions are all warped. but he really doesn't think so.

the rest though, now they're cooking with gas. ]

Okay, so people will talk all day about how there are infinite possibilities and it's possible to do whatever forever without a single repeat. Those people are wrong! Even if things aren't exactly the same, the similarities will start creeping in around the, oh... Maybe the 5000 year mark? And that's being generous! History and existence will always repeat themselves. It's a cycle, you know?

[ he just assumes a guy like this would know. that said, he's seen much worse, much weirder. hell, he's got some extra eyes himself hiding around! completely normal, honestly. ]

It really is the laziness that gets to me! I bet I could point out every single landmark in this garden without fail and it'll be because they didn't change anything except adding in a table full of pie.

[ there goes the pride again... ]

Just an axe? Uwah... This is probably even weirder for you than it would be for me.

[He's very articulate for an axe. But, Taranza has seen living swords and all that. It's not the weirdest thing he can imagine.]

The point is! It doesn't really matter if you "deserve" to suffer or not, because for one thing they're not being consistent about who does or doesn't, and for another, you shouldn't have to suffer anyway!

I'm not gonna complain about being in the coven.

omg tell me all about the other interesting people you met!

[She can't help but hide her face in her hands, embarrassed.] Oh, Dad... I know.

[So many emotions now... ones that had been building since she found herself here and realized it was no longer 'their' Hell. Well, not officially.]

I would like that. We'll worry about the rest later. Some place we can de-stress a little? Work ourselves up to the ones with the coolest stuff to see.

[She needed a little time to de-stress.]

[...it's kind of sweet, being trusted so easily. But he supposes if he looks like a person now, then more people are going to treat him like one. If he was still his old self, he might've thought it was foolish, stupid even.

He can still play around with it, though.]

You're making a lot of nice assumptions for someone you only just met. How are you so sure I don't deserve it? Axes are only made with one thing in mind, you know.

No. They're an effect from the previous world I was in, among a few other things.

[ Still, he is rather pretty. ]

It was another hell I was in. I wanted to know if anyone else here would on the off chance be familiar with it.

Pfft, now that's some real Cosmic Truth. [ 'Everyone has designs' is a sentiment he agrees with, though he's under no illusions about the second half: lairs can be lied to, but it's probably not comfortable for the cute circus cockatiel to think, so Abby will just let him be with that. It's not his job to change this guy's mind.

Plus, otherwise, he seems to know his shit for such a (relatively) young seeming entity. Abby agrees with a sagely nod-- he's seen it play out that way, too. ]

Having witnessed much of the same, I can't disagree. Omniscience is hardly required, if one is merely observant enough.

[ Honestly some people freak out over the stupidest stuff. Who cares about extra arms or eyes or if some fire slithers out from betwixt his fangs? People need to chill.

... and, speaking of extra hands? One of Abby's slides out and coils its black claws around Luci's; meanwhile, the other two are preoccupied with his plate of pie and fork. He doesn't. Seem to notice what hand number three is doing? Damn you, sweet potato pie!]

It's fairly egotistical to trap so many powerful beings in one place and assume they'll just... sit around and eat pie. Then again, it's foolish to assume everyone here will be willing to play well with others. Fire and Water energies do tend to clash, understandably. People I've met here? You'd have much more fun meeting them yourself, girl. Vicarious delight can only get you so far. Other than you, though, my favorite has to be the Circus Cockatiel.

[Paracelsus seems fine for now, so Taranza backs up enough to put his hands on his hips in a huff.]

I'm not assuming anything! I'm saying I don't care if you deserve it or not! You think I deserve to be in Heaven? Because after learning enough about it, I'm pretty sure I don't. I just think a place where everyone is supposed to suffer forever sounds really stupid!

[He is becoming a Hell abolitionist,]

A seasoned interdimensional traveler... How cool~ Then, did anything change when you arrived here, specifically?

Obviously I want to meet them myself! I'm asking you for recommendations!

I would definitely spend some quality time with a Circus Cockatiel.

tho are they literally a cockatiel?

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<--- Not Suddenly Behemoth just Mood

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