heckinooc | TDM 001!!

TDM 001!!

[ SEE GAME NAVIGATION TO READ UP ON HECK GAME BEFORE PLAYING IF YOU SO DESIRE ]

A) MAY I OFFER U PIE IN THIS TRYING TIME(GARDEN LEVEL)
[OOPS YOU DIED. WELCOME TO THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL. If you're new here, have a sheep cherub or imp slap a "HI MY NAME IS--" sticker on you, and frantically explain "DON'T WORRY, WE'RE WORKING ON IT, WE'LL HAVE YOU OUT HERE....AT...SOME POINT..." Wack. Also, you may noticed that your body may or may not have changed. What's up with that??? Who cares, at least you have as spiffy new cell phone! You're also told you're free to take the elevators up to Heaven or down to Hell. Good luck!

In the mean time--join the garden party that's going on! Or at least, it seems like a party?? Except all they are serving is pie. Apple pie. Blueberry pie. The classics. For you more Carnivorous types, there's stuff like mince pie, and...the name is smudged, but maybe don't eat that one unless you're a cannibal.

But along with a variety of normal pies, if you accidentally eat a weird pie, your character might experience the following:
Vinegar Pie - It's tasty but suddenly you're compelled to blurt out an Insult or ruthlessly tease the next person you see.
"Sweet" Potato - If you're a normally grumpy or aggro character, this pie will suddenly make you want to be more affectionate! This can be anything from wanting to hold hands or saying genuine nice things.
Humble Pie - Suddenly you feel complimenting or praising others and might downplay your own achievements, or insult yourself.

You can probably shake off the effects, but hey. Free pie!! ]

B) LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE (HELL LEVEL)
[TIME TO EXPLORE. Today in the Hell Level, the Hotel (Ho-hell? Helll-tel? Okay just Hotel) it's time for spring cleaning! Wait, didn't they just have that? An Imp says yes, but this is a different type of cleaning. Time to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!!!

Which is to say, out of no where you might receive a PUNCH in the face by a local, or an imp! If the latter it's like being bapped by a sick little lamb. Still, even if a local punches you, you suddenly heal immediately? That's right, TODAY ONLY, this is a 'get into a scrap injury free' spring holiday, and you can rough house as much as you want with each other today in the Hotel, and NO DAMAGE will remain! Ever wanted to get cut in half and suddenly stitch back together? WELL TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

If you're not into PG rated guro however, why don't you try exploring:
-The clubs! The nightlife in hell is FANTASTIC and genuinely fun!
-Games! Along with casinos galore, there are also normal arcades! Any game you can imagine, it exists.
-Or explore parts of Hell's Hotel that don't involve getting into a dogpile! ]

C) MARCH COMES IN LIKE....(HEAVEN LEVEL)
[TODAY IN HEAVEN THOUGH, there are advertisements for the ZOO!! A zoo in heaven?? Fuck yea!! But when you get there you see nothing but...........lions. And lambs. Just, everywhere. They aren't fighting though, but being super cute and soft and have tiny wings. You can pet them and pick them up--well the lambs at least. The lion might crush you. But you're dead anyway so give it a shot champ!!

Local angels explain that every 'spring' the zoo does this, and it's a sign of good fortune! You might wonder why you need good fortune in Heaven, but fuck it, when it Rome!! If you stick around long enough the zoo will change back to 'normal' and you can find other animals to gawk at.

If zoos aren't your thing though, check out heaven's:
-BEACH!! How is there an ocean and sandy white beach in the sky! Who cares, it's heaven! Beach episode time!
-Coffee shops! There are no coffee shops in hell! LIVE YOUR COFFEE AU DREAMS.
-Or just explore the Heavenly hotel in general!]

D) WILDCARD
[DO WHATEVER ELSE or send text messages on your phone!! ]

OOC NOTES:
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open next Sunday! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Then yes, I highly recommend the Circus Cockatiel. He's a gas. His name is Lucifer and I believe he's an Angel? Don't quote me on that, it's rude to assume an entities' cosmic origin without explicitly asking.

She's the sweetest thing. I'm so glad you got to meet her!

[And make friends with her!! A good friend for his Fizzie? Maybe this bargain basement hell isn't that bad.]

Well. I don't think I'm gonna meet any of your new friends standing around here, am I? If they let me leave. [Listen, he'll go wherever, now. Most important thing is draped around him like a robot-limbed koala. Everything else is secondary.]

Yeah - that guy. Not a fan. [Ugh his VIBES, Fizz. The VIBES are OFF.] Just... be careful around the guy, okay? He puts my feathers on end. [Listen, he's going to fuss. That's what he does. Big fussy rooster.]

[Fortunately! Kissing is an excellent distraction. And with Fizz up on his shoulders, he can twirl that tail around a finger. Gross love nonsense.]

No, Iiiii love yoooou. [Oh god. Oz put the simp face away.] Mmm, if everybody's hot, it sounds like our kinda place. If we're gonna be here a while... We've got plenty of time.

[How can Oz say no to that plan? That sounds GREAT.]

Those 'little sheep things' don't seem to know who they're talking to.

[But he does politely hold out the teacup. The big man is annoyed, but not at this adorable bunny. He can absolutely shelve that irritation to where it belongs.]

You been here long? [He'll just settle in for a chat, then, and cross one long leg over the other.] 'Cause, no. They didn't say much of anything.

[Wait until he sets himself on fire, buddy. That's really cool.]

No, that's not insolence. You don't look like one of my people, you don't look like any imp I've ever seen.

[And doesn't really have the feel of someone from Hell. Well. The one he's from.]

You're talking to the Lord of Lust, *~Asmodeous~*! Himself.

[Did his face just glow like a jack-o-lantern??? Kinda. Probably. It's magical blacklight power or something.]

i guess theres a couple good things here then fizzie and seeing little charlie again 😍😍😍 he says he met her!!! really made a good impression pffffff thanks for the mental image im gonna laugh all this tea everywhere none ?? we can just go upstairs??? ill be honest i havent thought about upstairs in damn long time

[Blitzø is in luck. Because you don't date Fizz without being used to things hurtling at you out of relatively nowhere. Or blowing air horns in your face at 8am, but that's another thing entirely.]

[Oz catches him like a football, purely out of reflex and nothing else.]

[And then stares at Blitzø. Processing... this is not what he thought.]

Blitzø.

[And drops him.]

[... at least it's not as bad as getting chucked through the entire lobby? Sorry, Blitzø. Really. No hard feelings.] Fancy meetin' you here.

uhhhh sorry i know you?? youre one of fizzie's pals? because YES it is ADORABLE like the rest of him!! 😍😍😍😍😍 but he says it pisses him off so i never said that

[So sorry Angel, he might not recognize your username, but ANY excuse to tell people how great Fizz is?? Yes, he'll take it.]

Whoa...! L-Lord of Lust?

[That's a surprising job title. Taranza thinks he understands Hell and Heaven a lot better by now, but he still hasn't heard of the concept of the deadly sins. What kind of job description does that have?!?]

That's really impressive! [probably] I think it at least gives you a better chance than me at someone listening to you!

A little high-strung, but who isn't, these days!

[ ha ha ha. but his grin's wide and pleased as he nods. ]

So what are we waiting for? Let's go. [ to... the friends. yes. before they keep talking about...

well, too late. ]

Oz! I'm being careful, okay? It's not like at home where I'm some household name everyone wants too many pieces of. Here, I'm just... I'm just some guy, and it's kind of nice.

[ he has not, in fact, been quite as cautious as he should be, but he's also had a lot of support from a lot of people that genuinely care about him. and besides! no kidnappings!

his tail squeezes on oz's finger though, happy for the distraction as he lets out a manic little giggle. ]

There maaay be a couple plans in place already now that you're here. A little something here, a little something there, hehehe... How do you feel about a very flexible two for one imp deal once you're all settled in?

[ because if oz wants, boy does he have a nice little surprise waiting for later. ]

[There's a moment where they stare at each other and Blitzø opens his mouth... only to yell as he plummets down to the ground again.]

Christ on a stick, what was that for?!

Someplace we can de-stress a little... Yeah, I've got just the place. C'mon, Charlie!

[ he's happy to show charlie this, let her see something she never would have otherwise. and as he leads her through the garden he points out things of interest, things he could never forget no matter how many eons had passed.

but a part of him also sinks with each step, with each new sight he can share. it's so much the same, so much with so many memories, that by the time they reach where he's leading her, he almost expects to see the first humans to walk out of some nearby brush.

he feels a profound melancholy about it, about how things had been and could have been if heaven hadn't done what it had done. he still doesn't regret giving humans free will, but that doesn't mean the memories of adam and eve smiling at him with genuine love and wonder even after he'd spirited lilith away, of what adam had twisted into becoming later, don't haunt him.

anyway! his demeanor is still upbeat and as cheery as anything when they reach a small pool in a clearing, with lush flora all around. he drops to the edge of it and holds out his hand for charlie to sit next to him. ]

The most relaxing place in the whole garden.

She's grown up so much!
I'm glad to hear they get along.

Look, who am I if not entertaining?

Yeah, it's free reign over everywhere.

[ lucifer... thinks about upstairs a lot. not because he wants to go back, but because he has to. the pit of self-loathing demands it, and now so does the needs of the many that charlie's gotten him to be attuned to. ]

But hey, wait until you get a load of what they have me looking like, it's a real blast from the past!
It's been a long time since you've seen these baby blues, huh?
It's almost like they're trying to give me a complex or something, hah!

As long as it's bubbly it's all good with me ~

[ She is going to clean out the bar, no one is safe. ]

Eh, I'm not sure about a wall, but...Heaven has a beach that's perfect for jogging and swimming, and though I haven't been too much, Hell is...eh. [Ochako looks off to the side a little, her smile falling some.] We-Well, you can get a good workout there, that's for sure...

[Fights break out all the time, people bet on that shit, and the general air there is, sometimes, just to survive. Makes sense, honestly, but it's still a little...much for the young Hero's tastes. She likes some excitement here and there, but Hell just turns it up to eleven.]

Mm, I have to be fit to do my job, there's a lot of physical activity involved in being a Hero.

[Oh geez, he's really serious about it, huh? Well, good luck with that, little buddy.]

I mean, it doesn't sound so bad. They did give me a free room...

[Actually, when Lucifer steps into the coffeeshop, he may notice a familiar -- and unwelcome -- sight. Alastor! GREAT... He's leaned over the counter with his ears pinned and tail lashing. His voice remains polite and steady, but his body language betrays his frustration]

Excuse me, but it's been an hour, and I have paid in full. How long does it take to grab my order from storage?

"Sorry, Mr. Demon, but we're running a little behind... Just give us a few more minutes."

[he backs off the counter, but he's not getting any younger, here...]

Stupid... pompous... angels...

[ there's the rat bastard.

lucifer doesn't say this out loud, of course. he orders his coffee, gets it made immediately, and listens to everything that's going on with alastor very quietly. and hey, if he looks exactly like michael and not himself, that's fine. sure, michael doesn't wear a top hat with a snake and an apple on it and also isn't here as far as lucifer is aware, but bear with him here.

alastor is still waiting when lucifer steps over with his fancy frappe, looking at him dispassionately and slurping through the straw as loudly as possible. ]

Huh! And here I got my thing right away. Wonder what's up with that!

[ probably the halo and bright blue eyes did it! otherwise it is a mystery!

anyway he's having the time of his life. ]

Edited 2024-04-25 19:15 (UTC)

[to be honest, Alastor hadn't noticed Lucifer. He was just another stupid bleached-out bird wanna-be walking around. But that voice. Grating and pretentious and all too familiar. There's an audible cracking noise as Alastor turns his head (in a way that should not be physically possible) to glare daggers at the King of Hell.

If looks could kill...

His eye twitches and he manages to compose himself, turning his body to be in proper alignment with his head with additional cracks. His ever-present smile slides from a sneer to a saccharine-sweet one that never the less doesn't reach his eyes]

Your majesty. I didn't know you had arrived. How... wonderful.

Your standards are low... But I'm not going to argue with you to say that you should be mad if you're not. I'm just saying, in general!

Hm! [ he's not put out by the snap crackle pop of the rice krispies that make up alastor's neck, and he waves lazily with his free hand once all of the radio demon is facing him. ]

Charlie told me you're taking a sabbatical from the hotel work! Good for you!

[ he glances from alastor to the angel behind the counter and back to alastor again and tilts his head in a similar unnerving manner, though it's to the side and doesn't make any sound when he does it. ]

I couldn't help but overhear. They've kept you waiting an hour because they're "running behind" [ he makes literal finger quotes here ] while they're serving angels right away? Huh! Who would've thought Heaven would be full of assholes.

[ and look. he doesn't like alastor. he really, really doesn't like alastor. but he likes angels even less, especially when they treat people (and, he assumes, despite everything alastor is still a people) from hell worse for no reason!

he takes a couple of steps forward and raps on the counter with one hand until the angel, who had been chattering with their coworker, looks at him. ]

Hey! Hi! Nice day, right? Wow, never a bad day in Heaven! [ bright and cheery and chipper! ] Anyway, I can't help but notice you're sitting here on your holier-than-thou ass while my friend [ he almost breaks the facade just saying it. ] here is waiting, extremely patiently mind you, for his order. And you know, [ he leans in to whisper theatrically ] I've seen him kill angels and he's really good at it. Horrifying stuff! Could even give a holy being a nightmare for the first time!

[ he has not actually seen alastor kill angels, he showed up late to that party. this angel doesn't know that, though! he straightens and his expression darkens, gleeful and friendly smile dropping into something serious and sharp and a little vicious. ]

Honeybunch. You'll serve an angel, right?

[ he reaches up to flick his own halo dismissively. ]

Go get the order.

[ well, they definitely go into the back! ]

You have no idea.

[But they are his low standards, dammit!]

It's all temporary anyway, right? I wouldn't worry yourself over it too much, I mean...it feels more like a break to me. Look, you even get to have pie.

[He looks over at the serving tables, as if that makes everything better now.]

You don't want pie?

I'm focusing on personal projects while I'm on this forced vacation, yes.

[... What are you playing at, Lucifer. That's part of why Alastor doesn't like him -- he's a bit unpredictable. Maybe it was an angel thing]

... Indeed. There are no coffee suppliers in Hell, and I need beans and equipment for my station's break room. [and for his house. How can he be expected to start his day without a piping hot mug of pitch black coffee?] I placed the order several days in advance and prepaid. I never imagined it would be so difficult.

["Friend". Alastor throws up a little in his mouth. They are not friends, not even close. But he's also willing to let Lucifer cook, at least for a moment, so he swallows down the bile and watches. The employees look at Alastor when Lucifer mentions killing angels and go visibly pale. At least three of them duck into the back to the storage room. The patrons move aside to give the deer demon a wide berth.

Al tilts his head quizzically, and quirks an eyebrow at Lucifer]

... That was hardly necessary, you know. [And don't even think about getting a "thank you", his expression says] These fluffy fools were about 5 minutes from learning that for themselves.

I noticed that! The no coffee thing. It really is a shame. If they don't want Hell's citizens up here, maybe it should be made available! What a concept.

[ and yeah, friend tastes acrid in his mouth and he literally goes 'bleagh' about it once the angels are scurrying away.

then he's shrugging, not really looking at alastor but watching where the angels disappeared to. it's clear he doesn't expect a thank you in the first place. ]

Hah! I'm aware. But then the coffee shop would actually be understaffed. Besides! I may not like you, but I like Heaven even less. Even this strange facsimile of it. Hell may be an awful, horrible place, but it's... Well. It is what it is!

[ he finally looks over at him, head tilted again. curious, almost: it's not friendly, but it's not overtly hostile either. ]

They made a mistake letting me back in, even if it's just this shithole. If I can't get rid of this halo, well! May as well have some fun with it.

[ this is a man approximately one pixel away from a mental breakdown about the being an angel again thing. ]

Well, what do I know? [Angel widens his eyes, blinking a few times, the picture of innocence.] I'm just hangin' out and I see ya slitherin' all over like a slug. Maybe your pancreas is gonna just jump off an start runnin'!

nahhhhh i mean not at home but here i guess? he's chill. you're his big cock bf arencha? that's really cute wtf okay anyways glad ya found each other mazel tov

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TDM 001!!

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COFFEE

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he's TERRIBLE

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