heckinooc | TDM 001!!

[ SEE GAME NAVIGATION TO READ UP ON HECK GAME BEFORE PLAYING IF YOU SO DESIRE ]

A) MAY I OFFER U PIE IN THIS TRYING TIME(GARDEN LEVEL)
[OOPS YOU DIED. WELCOME TO THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL. If you're new here, have a sheep cherub or imp slap a "HI MY NAME IS--" sticker on you, and frantically explain "DON'T WORRY, WE'RE WORKING ON IT, WE'LL HAVE YOU OUT HERE....AT...SOME POINT..." Wack. Also, you may noticed that your body may or may not have changed. What's up with that??? Who cares, at least you have as spiffy new cell phone! You're also told you're free to take the elevators up to Heaven or down to Hell. Good luck!

In the mean time--join the garden party that's going on! Or at least, it seems like a party?? Except all they are serving is pie. Apple pie. Blueberry pie. The classics. For you more Carnivorous types, there's stuff like mince pie, and...the name is smudged, but maybe don't eat that one unless you're a cannibal.

But along with a variety of normal pies, if you accidentally eat a weird pie, your character might experience the following:
Vinegar Pie - It's tasty but suddenly you're compelled to blurt out an Insult or ruthlessly tease the next person you see.
"Sweet" Potato - If you're a normally grumpy or aggro character, this pie will suddenly make you want to be more affectionate! This can be anything from wanting to hold hands or saying genuine nice things.
Humble Pie - Suddenly you feel complimenting or praising others and might downplay your own achievements, or insult yourself.

You can probably shake off the effects, but hey. Free pie!! ]

B) LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE (HELL LEVEL)
[TIME TO EXPLORE. Today in the Hell Level, the Hotel (Ho-hell? Helll-tel? Okay just Hotel) it's time for spring cleaning! Wait, didn't they just have that? An Imp says yes, but this is a different type of cleaning. Time to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!!!

Which is to say, out of no where you might receive a PUNCH in the face by a local, or an imp! If the latter it's like being bapped by a sick little lamb. Still, even if a local punches you, you suddenly heal immediately? That's right, TODAY ONLY, this is a 'get into a scrap injury free' spring holiday, and you can rough house as much as you want with each other today in the Hotel, and NO DAMAGE will remain! Ever wanted to get cut in half and suddenly stitch back together? WELL TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

If you're not into PG rated guro however, why don't you try exploring:
-The clubs! The nightlife in hell is FANTASTIC and genuinely fun!
-Games! Along with casinos galore, there are also normal arcades! Any game you can imagine, it exists.
-Or explore parts of Hell's Hotel that don't involve getting into a dogpile! ]

C) MARCH COMES IN LIKE....(HEAVEN LEVEL)
[TODAY IN HEAVEN THOUGH, there are advertisements for the ZOO!! A zoo in heaven?? Fuck yea!! But when you get there you see nothing but...........lions. And lambs. Just, everywhere. They aren't fighting though, but being super cute and soft and have tiny wings. You can pet them and pick them up--well the lambs at least. The lion might crush you. But you're dead anyway so give it a shot champ!!

Local angels explain that every 'spring' the zoo does this, and it's a sign of good fortune! You might wonder why you need good fortune in Heaven, but fuck it, when it Rome!! If you stick around long enough the zoo will change back to 'normal' and you can find other animals to gawk at.

If zoos aren't your thing though, check out heaven's:
-BEACH!! How is there an ocean and sandy white beach in the sky! Who cares, it's heaven! Beach episode time!
-Coffee shops! There are no coffee shops in hell! LIVE YOUR COFFEE AU DREAMS.
-Or just explore the Heavenly hotel in general!]

D) WILDCARD
[DO WHATEVER ELSE or send text messages on your phone!! ]

OOC NOTES:
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open next Sunday! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hey! It's not my fucking fault, it's this pie or some other bullshit.

[And he is not tearing up, fuck everything about this place. He can't really blame the pie for the fact he buries his face into Fizz's neck and just hugs him tightly though.]

The fuck would I want to get rid of you for, I just got you back.

Maybe I should save some for later... Which one was it?

[ but he's teasing. he really is, even when he wraps his arms tighter around blitzø twice apiece, and his tail around his waist for good measure. ]

I know! It's called positive reinforcement and reassurance.

[ said like fizz definitely has regulated emotions literally ever in his life. anyway he's teary-eyed too and a hand slides up to touch the other imp's nape gently. he wishes he could feel it, but that doesn't matter right now. ]

You're the one who fucking hit me with it, don't you know which one it was?

[It's... still muffled against Fizz's neck, shut up. And the hugging is just for the other imp's benefit, not because he's desperately wanted this for so long.

Eventually he is going to reluctantly pull away just enough to face Fizz though, because conversations against Fizz's neck are not super useful for either of them.]

Fuck, you're staying in Heaven, huh?

I didn't look, I was pissed off! What did it taste like?

[ he's just... holding onto him for the duration of this, not wanting to let go. not now, not ever. which is asking a lot from blitzø, he knows. especially with all things considered. maybe he can let go once he's panicking less. that sounds good.

his brow furrows a little at the question though and he looks away, tail drooping to curl around his own legs. ]

... I don't belong in Heaven. We both know that.

[ it's not even a matter of talking himself down or anything, more they both know he'd be uncomfortable there. unfamiliar place, unfamiliar people, unfamiliar rules. no, he won't do well in heaven. ]

Fuck if I know! Like some fucking hipster fall bullshit I guess.

[And he doesn't fucking care any more either, because reminding Fizz of Heaven? Clearly the wrong choice and he immediately mentally curses himself for it. Of course he hates it, he's up there with all the stupid bullshit and the only reason Blitzø himself even goes up the elevator is because that's apparently the only place to get coffee in this shitshow of an afterlife and fuck knows he wasn't signing up to be caffeine-free.]

Then don't fucking go there. Stay in my room. It's big enough, then you don't have to worry about dealing with their bullshit up there.

[His grins sharply and opens his jacked just enough for Fizz to see the handle on his gun.] And I'll fucking ventilate anyone who gives you shit for being down here.

Hipster fall bull████...

[ okay, probably the one that smells like Spices, then.

and sure, blitzø might be kicking himself for the reminder about heaven, but that better be quickly remedied because at the offer (the promise), fizz goes right back to a wide grin, tail flicking out behind him and everything. ]

Yeah? You're gonna take care of me, Blitzø?

[ and sure, his tone is teasing, but it's clear he's genuinely moved: he's the one that tucks in against blitzø's neck this time, voice just a quiet rasp. ]

I'm lucky you're here. You know that, right? Don't say anything stupid in response, just accept it. Got that?

Fuck no, you can take care of yourself, can't you? But you can crash with me I guess. And I'll just beat the shit out of anyone who gives you grief.

[But it's TOTALLY DIFFERENT from taking care of Fizz, ok? Ok.]

And it's just till they get this shit fixed up and you go back to Oz.

[He... can't think of what to say in response to Fizz anyway, and just hugs him tighter.]

Uh, obviously I can take care of myself, [ he cannot ] but what's the fun in that? I do like the sound of you beating the shit out of anyone that bugs me, though.

[ and... yeah, back to oz. he really, really wants that. but something is bugging him, too: ]

How long have you been stuck here?

Uhhh... [Well that's an awkward topic that he'd hoped they wouldn't be covering!]

Like a month I guess? Barely any time at all I'm sure it's fine.

[He lets go enough that it's less hugging desperately now and more just casually having his arm around Fizz's shoulders.]

It'll be like no fucking time at all and you'll be out of here.

[ he likes the positive tactile environment they're in now, and he ends up just leaning into the way blitzø's got an arm around him, eyes lidding like a pleased cat. a pleased frog? whatever, he's having a good time with this part. ]

Month's a long time for anybody, I think. [ a beat, then suddenly, wide-eyed, staring at him like he's had an epiphany: ] Okay, but what's to stop us from moving our homecomings along? A little grease here, a little hole punch or staple remover there, it's not like it can be that hard to get their ████ into order.

You mean do paperwork? On purpose?

[Have you forgotten who you're talking to, Fizz?]

[ yes, he should have seen this part coming.

HOWEVER, he has a solution in place. ]

No, I meant threatening them until they work faster. The hole punches are knives, obviously.

[ NAILED IT (?) ]

I guess I do have a knife and a gun here...

But I can't see you managing to threaten anyone.

It's true, I'm not that intimidating... But hey, as long as it's a short-term thing, I'm still a good distraction! I can't pull off a three-minute zinger again, though. That was a one-time thing.

What, you're telling me that the Great Fizzarolli, clown face on everything for the last 15 years, stood up to an original sin on his own and told him to get fucked, can't manage to distract someone for a measly 3 minutes?

Hey! That banger for Mammon had a DECADE of material behind it! If I have material for it, I can distract indefinitely! [ HUFFY. ] Now, if we're in a warehouse with some boring mafia guys again, we're boned.

[ a beat. ]

I've started censoring myself on purpose to not have to hear the beeps. This is how it ends, Blitzø.

TDM 001!!

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