heckinooc | TDM 001!!

[ SEE GAME NAVIGATION TO READ UP ON HECK GAME BEFORE PLAYING IF YOU SO DESIRE ]

A) MAY I OFFER U PIE IN THIS TRYING TIME(GARDEN LEVEL)
[OOPS YOU DIED. WELCOME TO THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL. If you're new here, have a sheep cherub or imp slap a "HI MY NAME IS--" sticker on you, and frantically explain "DON'T WORRY, WE'RE WORKING ON IT, WE'LL HAVE YOU OUT HERE....AT...SOME POINT..." Wack. Also, you may noticed that your body may or may not have changed. What's up with that??? Who cares, at least you have as spiffy new cell phone! You're also told you're free to take the elevators up to Heaven or down to Hell. Good luck!

In the mean time--join the garden party that's going on! Or at least, it seems like a party?? Except all they are serving is pie. Apple pie. Blueberry pie. The classics. For you more Carnivorous types, there's stuff like mince pie, and...the name is smudged, but maybe don't eat that one unless you're a cannibal.

But along with a variety of normal pies, if you accidentally eat a weird pie, your character might experience the following:
Vinegar Pie - It's tasty but suddenly you're compelled to blurt out an Insult or ruthlessly tease the next person you see.
"Sweet" Potato - If you're a normally grumpy or aggro character, this pie will suddenly make you want to be more affectionate! This can be anything from wanting to hold hands or saying genuine nice things.
Humble Pie - Suddenly you feel complimenting or praising others and might downplay your own achievements, or insult yourself.

You can probably shake off the effects, but hey. Free pie!! ]

B) LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE (HELL LEVEL)
[TIME TO EXPLORE. Today in the Hell Level, the Hotel (Ho-hell? Helll-tel? Okay just Hotel) it's time for spring cleaning! Wait, didn't they just have that? An Imp says yes, but this is a different type of cleaning. Time to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!!!

Which is to say, out of no where you might receive a PUNCH in the face by a local, or an imp! If the latter it's like being bapped by a sick little lamb. Still, even if a local punches you, you suddenly heal immediately? That's right, TODAY ONLY, this is a 'get into a scrap injury free' spring holiday, and you can rough house as much as you want with each other today in the Hotel, and NO DAMAGE will remain! Ever wanted to get cut in half and suddenly stitch back together? WELL TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

If you're not into PG rated guro however, why don't you try exploring:
-The clubs! The nightlife in hell is FANTASTIC and genuinely fun!
-Games! Along with casinos galore, there are also normal arcades! Any game you can imagine, it exists.
-Or explore parts of Hell's Hotel that don't involve getting into a dogpile! ]

C) MARCH COMES IN LIKE....(HEAVEN LEVEL)
[TODAY IN HEAVEN THOUGH, there are advertisements for the ZOO!! A zoo in heaven?? Fuck yea!! But when you get there you see nothing but...........lions. And lambs. Just, everywhere. They aren't fighting though, but being super cute and soft and have tiny wings. You can pet them and pick them up--well the lambs at least. The lion might crush you. But you're dead anyway so give it a shot champ!!

Local angels explain that every 'spring' the zoo does this, and it's a sign of good fortune! You might wonder why you need good fortune in Heaven, but fuck it, when it Rome!! If you stick around long enough the zoo will change back to 'normal' and you can find other animals to gawk at.

If zoos aren't your thing though, check out heaven's:
-BEACH!! How is there an ocean and sandy white beach in the sky! Who cares, it's heaven! Beach episode time!
-Coffee shops! There are no coffee shops in hell! LIVE YOUR COFFEE AU DREAMS.
-Or just explore the Heavenly hotel in general!]

D) WILDCARD
[DO WHATEVER ELSE or send text messages on your phone!! ]

OOC NOTES:
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open next Sunday! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[She screams and practically dances away from the gunshots, but there's no gratitude in her eyes. It's not just shock that it's Valentino who's in front of her, but that he brought a gun. And bullets.]

W-Wait, you don't need to kill them! Everything's fine!

[Fortunately for Charlie, everyone decided to be sane and give her a wide berth lest Valentino decide to use them for target practice next.]

[ What, like he'd not let Moneyshot have any fun? These guys are lucky he left the AK47 at home. ]

I don't need to but I want to~

Besides.

[ Another headshot. The princess makes for great bait while he's just picking off the ones that go for her. ]

I need the target practice. Don't want to get rusty now do we?

Valentino.

[Oh, that did it. Maybe it's the adrenaline, their history, the outright display of callousness, or the fact she hasn't realized even the bullet wounds would heal, but her horns start to sprout as he's getting another look at her angry, demonic form.]

What makes you think you have the right to kill my people like that, right in front of me??

[ Cue an eyeroll. He's not even fazed by all this, not the least bit intimidated even if he doesn't have Angel to intervene this time. ]

Newsflash, your highness. These aren't your people.

[ He's rolling his shoulders, cracking his knuckles. Just squaring himself off to prepare for another brawl. ]

They may look like your people, but take a look around. This isn't our hell. If anything, you should be fucking PISSED at the fuckwads who thought this poor excuse of hell is ANYTHING compared to what we got back home.

You feeling angry, princesa? You wanna do something about it?

I am the Princess of Hell, in Hell, and I will decide if they are my people.

[She just holds her ground, for the moment. A fight is what he wants, and she's not going to give him that.]

Suit yourself... but if you ask me, it's a lost fucking cause.

[ It's basically just making sure she doesn't catch him off guard. He may be an overlord but she's still the princess. Who knows what she's capable of?

And that excites him. ]

Do these losers even think of you as their princess? Or is it just your sweet little bleeding heart that makes you think you can protect them all?

[Some of the demons have been distracted from the fight to comment:

"Do we have a Princess?"
"I don't think so."
"You going to tell her that?"
"Maybe we have one, now?"

Nevertheless, she shifts back to 'normal' for the moment.]

I think you meant to say 'us' all. Valentino.

[ Oh, he hears the crowd. It's definitely justifying what he's been saying so he feels safe enough - for the moment, at least. ]

I meant what I said, your highness.

[ He's clicking the safety back on Moneyshot before stuffing him in his coat. ]

We've done just fine without you. Save your protection for someone who actually needs it, no?

[She should hate him. Shouldn't he deserve to be attacked? She knew how cruel he was. What'd he done to her dear friends, who she loved more than anything... and yet... even as she looked back at Valentino's twisted face with his sadistic grin, words come back to her.]

[ "There's no question to be posed;
He's unholy: case closed.
Did you forget? That hell is forever?" ]

...

[But, he clearly wasn't ready. Whatever seeds of a conscience Valentino may have weren't ready to be nurtured.

...And she had to send the message she wasn't going to take his shit.]

No one cared if I was the princess in our Hell, either, Valentino, and I didn't let that stop me from doing everything in my power to protect them. --I'm not here to fight you, but if you're going to be so casually cruel and sadistic right in front of my face, I will take it personally.

[She turns to the demons who were gawking.]

And, what are you all doing? Don't you have a sense of self-preservation!? Run!

[Deciding that even with healing injuries it'd probably suck to be shot, the demons took flight away from the immediate area.]

...

Good talk?

[ If Valentino had a conscience, he wasn't aware of it. Maybe he did once a very long time ago but that had probably been beaten out of him quickly in either his living days or when he landed in hell. The things he'd done to survive, to claw and scratch and stab and shoot his way up to the top and the things he'd done to make sure he stayed there.

There was no room for a conscience in that blackened little thing that used to be his heart. Empathy... sympathy... that kind of shit made you weak. Made you easy prey. And here was their princess, Little Miss Bleeding Heart Herself. As far as he was concerned, the easiest target in all of Hell.

Her friends would clearly be her undoing. ]

Hey, it isn't my fault they opened fire first. Spring cleaning, they said. So I just helped take out the trash.

Maybe I did get a little... carried away.

[A deep breath. She wasn't going to bite at the first part, but that second part was interesting.]

Well, I think that's a good opportunity to offer some unprompted advice. --That is, that the first part of becoming a better person is admitting when you are wrong!

[...]

So... maybe there's hope?

[ Hope? He's laughing. ]

Ay, mi princesa, you really think that was an apology...?

[ No... no, that definitely wasn't an apology if that smirk was anything to go by. Please ignore the thin line of drool brought about by the rush of adrenaline to his system. ]

I like getting carried away. Especially when the bitches start asking for it. That's how they learn their lesson.

...Then, knowing you're getting carried away means you can recognize there's a 'gone too far' to go to, and step back from it!

[...]

...You know. If you wanted to.

Good thing you said if, no?

[ He knows when there's a 'too far' and it almost always depends on whatever Vox's mood is. It was always about the brand, about keeping the brand squeaky clean after all. Sometimes, using the employees as target practice was 'too far' and sometimes it was exactly what they needed. ]

Well... good luck with the whole 'redemption' thing.

[ Not for him, definitely not. He's got his many hands full making a heaven out of hell, after all... his kind of heaven where the whores are plentiful and the crack is unending. ]

And... if you ever need a good time, you know where to call~

Ehn... no, thank you.

[Well, of course the sin of a Demon Overlord was deep and a chat with him wasn't going to be enough.

...Silver lining. Take the lesson learned from this failure and build on it. If even someone like Valentino stepped through the doors of the Hazbin Hotel, she'd have to be ready to accept them.

Otherwise, with Valentino not an immediate threat and no more demons around to fight, she'll make her own exit... as soon as she's sure they can leave opposite directions.]

TDM 001!!

YAY

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