TDM 001!!

[heckinmods]

[ SEE GAME NAVIGATION TO READ UP ON HECK GAME BEFORE PLAYING IF YOU SO DESIRE ]

A) MAY I OFFER U PIE IN THIS TRYING TIME(GARDEN LEVEL)
[OOPS YOU DIED. WELCOME TO THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL. If you're new here, have a sheep cherub or imp slap a "HI MY NAME IS--" sticker on you, and frantically explain "DON'T WORRY, WE'RE WORKING ON IT, WE'LL HAVE YOU OUT HERE....AT...SOME POINT..." Wack. Also, you may noticed that your body may or may not have changed. What's up with that??? Who cares, at least you have as spiffy new cell phone! You're also told you're free to take the elevators up to Heaven or down to Hell. Good luck!

In the mean time--join the garden party that's going on! Or at least, it seems like a party?? Except all they are serving is pie. Apple pie. Blueberry pie. The classics. For you more Carnivorous types, there's stuff like mince pie, and...the name is smudged, but maybe don't eat that one unless you're a cannibal.

But along with a variety of normal pies, if you accidentally eat a weird pie, your character might experience the following:
Vinegar Pie - It's tasty but suddenly you're compelled to blurt out an Insult or ruthlessly tease the next person you see.
"Sweet" Potato - If you're a normally grumpy or aggro character, this pie will suddenly make you want to be more affectionate! This can be anything from wanting to hold hands or saying genuine nice things.
Humble Pie - Suddenly you feel complimenting or praising others and might downplay your own achievements, or insult yourself.

You can probably shake off the effects, but hey. Free pie!! ]


B) LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE (HELL LEVEL)
[TIME TO EXPLORE. Today in the Hell Level, the Hotel (Ho-hell? Helll-tel? Okay just Hotel) it's time for spring cleaning! Wait, didn't they just have that? An Imp says yes, but this is a different type of cleaning. Time to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!!!

Which is to say, out of no where you might receive a PUNCH in the face by a local, or an imp! If the latter it's like being bapped by a sick little lamb. Still, even if a local punches you, you suddenly heal immediately? That's right, TODAY ONLY, this is a 'get into a scrap injury free' spring holiday, and you can rough house as much as you want with each other today in the Hotel, and NO DAMAGE will remain! Ever wanted to get cut in half and suddenly stitch back together? WELL TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

If you're not into PG rated guro however, why don't you try exploring:
-The clubs! The nightlife in hell is FANTASTIC and genuinely fun!
-Games! Along with casinos galore, there are also normal arcades! Any game you can imagine, it exists.
-Or explore parts of Hell's Hotel that don't involve getting into a dogpile! ]


C) MARCH COMES IN LIKE....(HEAVEN LEVEL)
[TODAY IN HEAVEN THOUGH, there are advertisements for the ZOO!! A zoo in heaven?? Fuck yea!! But when you get there you see nothing but...........lions. And lambs. Just, everywhere. They aren't fighting though, but being super cute and soft and have tiny wings. You can pet them and pick them up--well the lambs at least. The lion might crush you. But you're dead anyway so give it a shot champ!!

Local angels explain that every 'spring' the zoo does this, and it's a sign of good fortune! You might wonder why you need good fortune in Heaven, but fuck it, when it Rome!! If you stick around long enough the zoo will change back to 'normal' and you can find other animals to gawk at.

If zoos aren't your thing though, check out heaven's:
-BEACH!! How is there an ocean and sandy white beach in the sky! Who cares, it's heaven! Beach episode time!
-Coffee shops! There are no coffee shops in hell! LIVE YOUR COFFEE AU DREAMS.
-Or just explore the Heavenly hotel in general!]

D) WILDCARD
[DO WHATEVER ELSE or send text messages on your phone!! ]


OOC NOTES:
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open next Sunday! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!

Comments

[applesolutely]

It's just weird, Alastor! This whole place is weird!

The sheep? No, no. Those are what all cherubs are like, unfortunately. Cherubim... Yeagh. So saccharine and not very smart. So no, that level of intelligence and ineptitude is on par with back home.

[ stupid little sheep. but he does fall back into step, considering. ]

Nothing worse than manslaughter... This is Hell for babies. Hah! I can see how that's going to become an issue ve-he-hery quickly if they keep bringing people from the real Hell in. Especially if it's not even humans eating other humans that upset them, but demons eating other demons! That's just a thing. It's a gross thing, partial offense intended, but it's still a thing that's way less extreme than what I was assuming they were clutching their idiot pearls about.

[deerlisteners]

Ha! You don't have to tell me, I've been here several weeks now. No... months, actually. [he puts his hand to his head] Time flies when you're surrounded by fools.

[Cherubs? Ugh. Well, that explains the little blue one. But what of the demonic one? A fallen cherub? Was such a thing even possible?] They're about as vapid as a piece of cardboard. [and have about that much nutritional value]

No offense, partial or otherwise, taken. Hell for babies... that sounds about right. I would hope that those from our Hell would take the opportunity to try something different, but that is expecting quite a lot from them.

[applesolutely]

Months? Yikes! So that means they're picking and choosing people from different times too, huh? Because you were right there being as annoying as usual when I remember last.

[ he's so cheery about it. it's almost like annoying means nothing anymore. but, well, as far as the cherubs go, he nods. ] That's just what they're like, Alastor. I don't know what to tell you. Even the Big Guy makes mistakes, and one of those mistakes was cherubs. Actually, He makes a lot of mistakes, but what do I know! Look where that got me!

[ he actually doesn't seem to be saying that in a mental breakdown kind of way. it's more conversational than that. ]

I do think expecting creativity from them is asking a lot, but I also haven't seen... Have you noticed that it's mostly people we know? There are a few different ones, but for the most part, it's just people from the hotel. Sure, the Prince, some imps, Oz, Oz's clown, etcetera. There's just a whole lot of, well. Notable people.

[deerlisteners]

Interesting. [What a pain. All this interdimensional timey-wimey nonsense is a little above his pay-grade -- in that he does not want to think that hard. It makes his head hurt.]

Then why keep them around, if they're so useless? Everyone makes mistakes, even the "Big Guy"... but one should also fix mistakes. Maybe He is charmed by their... uniqueness. Kings keep jesters, after all. [or, you know. God is an unknowable eldritch entity to even His first creations and trying to understand Him is an exercise in futility. Something something bible.]

[As Lucifer keeps talking, Alastor stops and turns around to look at him, placing both hands on top of his cane, folded on top of one another. He has a good point -- but he wants to hear Lucifer put his thoughts into concrete words] And what exactly is it you're implying, Your Majesty?

[applesolutely]

The fact that you're acting like the cherubs are the only morons in my extended, estranged family is being extremely kind to the Heavenly Host. Just because they're not as useless...

[ ah, but he's rambling. ]

We'll go with the jesters part for ease and not having to think about fucking ineffable plans ever again. [ mutter mutter fucking planned bullshit using people as puppets mutter mutter

he pauses when alastor does, crossing his arms over his chest and shrugging. ]

Don't make me bust out a conspiracy theory board, Alastor. The concept was brought up to me of Heaven intervening by creating this alternate existence to make sure to get myself and those associated with me out of the way. I discounted it wholesale because the only person with enough power to do that is my shitty absentee father that's too lazy to do such a thing, but now, well, like I said. Conspiracy theory board.

[deerlisteners]

[Alastor is silent for a long moment, just staring at Lucifer with an unreadable expression. Finally, after what seems like forever (but is really just a few seconds), he tosses his head back and laughs. He laughs for a few seconds before it trails off and he wipes a tear of mirth from his eye]

Oh!!! Oh my... Now I see where Charlie gets it from. Such silly, wacky nonsense! Hooooooo. [a hand flap that becomes him fanning himself] If the almighty wanted you and me and the rest of the little thorns in his side out of the way, I'm sure he'd just send down one of your brothers to deal with us. Ha... Making an entire alternate universe as a cage. Foolishness. [he waves his hand dismissively and turns back around to keep walking.

But.

Despite his words, the idea sticks in his brain, like an annoying piece of lint on a fine coat. It was completely ridiculous... It would be so much work for gnats that an Archangel could swat in a moment. Even Lucifer would have trouble standing against his heavenly siblings, and sinners wouldn't last even a second. And what of the people from other worlds?

... But. What if God were just as ridiculous and clownish as Lucifer...? What if. What if.

Alastor is angry that he hadn't thought of it.]