heckinooc | TDM 001!!

[ SEE GAME NAVIGATION TO READ UP ON HECK GAME BEFORE PLAYING IF YOU SO DESIRE ]

A) MAY I OFFER U PIE IN THIS TRYING TIME(GARDEN LEVEL)
[OOPS YOU DIED. WELCOME TO THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL. If you're new here, have a sheep cherub or imp slap a "HI MY NAME IS--" sticker on you, and frantically explain "DON'T WORRY, WE'RE WORKING ON IT, WE'LL HAVE YOU OUT HERE....AT...SOME POINT..." Wack. Also, you may noticed that your body may or may not have changed. What's up with that??? Who cares, at least you have as spiffy new cell phone! You're also told you're free to take the elevators up to Heaven or down to Hell. Good luck!

In the mean time--join the garden party that's going on! Or at least, it seems like a party?? Except all they are serving is pie. Apple pie. Blueberry pie. The classics. For you more Carnivorous types, there's stuff like mince pie, and...the name is smudged, but maybe don't eat that one unless you're a cannibal.

But along with a variety of normal pies, if you accidentally eat a weird pie, your character might experience the following:
Vinegar Pie - It's tasty but suddenly you're compelled to blurt out an Insult or ruthlessly tease the next person you see.
"Sweet" Potato - If you're a normally grumpy or aggro character, this pie will suddenly make you want to be more affectionate! This can be anything from wanting to hold hands or saying genuine nice things.
Humble Pie - Suddenly you feel complimenting or praising others and might downplay your own achievements, or insult yourself.

You can probably shake off the effects, but hey. Free pie!! ]

B) LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE (HELL LEVEL)
[TIME TO EXPLORE. Today in the Hell Level, the Hotel (Ho-hell? Helll-tel? Okay just Hotel) it's time for spring cleaning! Wait, didn't they just have that? An Imp says yes, but this is a different type of cleaning. Time to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!!!

Which is to say, out of no where you might receive a PUNCH in the face by a local, or an imp! If the latter it's like being bapped by a sick little lamb. Still, even if a local punches you, you suddenly heal immediately? That's right, TODAY ONLY, this is a 'get into a scrap injury free' spring holiday, and you can rough house as much as you want with each other today in the Hotel, and NO DAMAGE will remain! Ever wanted to get cut in half and suddenly stitch back together? WELL TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

If you're not into PG rated guro however, why don't you try exploring:
-The clubs! The nightlife in hell is FANTASTIC and genuinely fun!
-Games! Along with casinos galore, there are also normal arcades! Any game you can imagine, it exists.
-Or explore parts of Hell's Hotel that don't involve getting into a dogpile! ]

C) MARCH COMES IN LIKE....(HEAVEN LEVEL)
[TODAY IN HEAVEN THOUGH, there are advertisements for the ZOO!! A zoo in heaven?? Fuck yea!! But when you get there you see nothing but...........lions. And lambs. Just, everywhere. They aren't fighting though, but being super cute and soft and have tiny wings. You can pet them and pick them up--well the lambs at least. The lion might crush you. But you're dead anyway so give it a shot champ!!

Local angels explain that every 'spring' the zoo does this, and it's a sign of good fortune! You might wonder why you need good fortune in Heaven, but fuck it, when it Rome!! If you stick around long enough the zoo will change back to 'normal' and you can find other animals to gawk at.

If zoos aren't your thing though, check out heaven's:
-BEACH!! How is there an ocean and sandy white beach in the sky! Who cares, it's heaven! Beach episode time!
-Coffee shops! There are no coffee shops in hell! LIVE YOUR COFFEE AU DREAMS.
-Or just explore the Heavenly hotel in general!]

D) WILDCARD
[DO WHATEVER ELSE or send text messages on your phone!! ]

OOC NOTES:
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open next Sunday! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ BJ approaches the door ghoul with all the confidence of a fool. He gives the gun a dismissive glance before giving his widest yellow smile. ]

Aw c'mon, pal! Lemme in, it's my birthday! I'm the birthday boy! I got a whole party inside waiting for me.

Oh well in that case--

[The gun lowers juuuust enough to suggest that it might have worked, and then it's back up and almost shoved up a nostril.]

Fuck that shit, double cover for birthdays asshole, triple for that shitty ass fucking clown imitation and thinking that I won't notice!

[ Beetlejuice scrunches his head into his shoulders so that he doesn't get a pistol shoved into his brain. He rummages in the pockets of his striped jacket. ]

I don't know what you're talking about. Ah-!

[ He draws his hand from his coat and opens it to reveal a paper clip, a scratched lotto ticket, and an unwrapped caramel chew. ]

Oh, huh...

The voice dick for brains. It's not clever by the way.

[Yeah, none of that looks like a cover charge to him.]

Guess either you're taking a deal if you wanna see all this tits and ass or you're fucking off to go have a sad wank in an alleyway by yourself.

[ Almost subconciously, Beetlejuice brings a hand to his throat. ]

I got an addiction, get off my case!

Oh shit, you should have said that earlier!

[Said with a BRIGHT SMILE. Before it becomes a toothy grin.]

Addicts are quadruple charge.

[ For a moment Beetlejuice looks surprised before quickly adjusting his expression to a rueful little smile. ]

I don't believe that.

[Blitzø exaggerates a wince.]

Shouldn't have said that, now it's gone up again. Extra charge for doubting the bouncer.

Okay, okay...

[ Beetlejuice, forgetting about the gun, invites himself to sidle up next to the bouncer. He bats his lashes and lifts a hand, reaching for his shirt. ]

Daddy can make it up to you...

[That voice saying that line in that tone? Yeah his brain fucking short-circuits for a moment and his entire face flushes... sort of grey-ish because black blood but it's still a blush.

Fuck this guy, that's his schtick!]

No! I mean, maybe if-- FUCK NO. Just- no.

[The fuck is gun safety, he's waving it around all over the place.]

[ Beetlejuice grins at the change in the color of Blitzo's face. He doesn't know if it's illness or interest but it's still a reaction so he'll take it. Then he remembers the gun. ]

Hey hey hey hey hey, shhhh, no it's fine! This is fine! It's cool! We're so cool!

[ He holds eye contact with Blitzo and sweats a little as one arm darts frantically around trying to snatch the gun. ]

Stop fucking talking to me like that!!

[It is not helping the part of him helpfully suggesting that he could just put on a blindfold and just, you know, enjoy it.

The gun is recalled juuust as the fucker's fingers brush it, and then it's pressed sharply into his ribs.]

Ohhhh I get it. That voice is all just a fucking scheme, isn't it? Get me off my game and then steal my gun? I should give you a new hole and see how you like that, bitch.

Oomp--!

[ Beetlejuice freezes when he feels the weapon jabbed against him. He takes on a thoughtful expression. They were both dead. Would a gunshot even matter? Then again, this was a very different kind of dead than he was used to. He didn't think things like this could happen, but here he was with wings and a halo instead of phasing out of existence in a sandworm's stomach. Maybe getting shot would suck very very much.]

Woah, woah, okay--!

[ He raises his hands--and then two more fully sleeved arms slither out from under his original pair and hold their hands up too. ]

Sorry, St. Peter, message received. I'm outie...

Yeah, that's what I fucking thought.

[Honestly he isn't sure if killing this sinner (??) would take or not given how they apparently got here to begin with. Maybe it would just send him to triple hell?]

Come back when you've got money or something to offer, thirsty bitch.

[ He's already starting to skulk off as Blitzo speaks, but something he says makes him hang back. His halo lights up with an idea. He wheels back around with a flutter of his stupid little wings and presses his palms together. ]

What kind of offers would you consider?

[ He's keeping his distance, but his desperate ass has to ask.]

[Satan's ass, the whole motion is just like the weirdest cherub he's ever fucking seen.]

Not that, so don't get your fucking hopes up.

[He thinks for a second.]

Do any other voice at all while you're here and I'll let you in.

[ BJ blows out a breath, his lips flapping as he rolls his eyes. ]

Fine, your loss.

[ But then Blitzo outfits him with a challenge. A strange one. An easy one. It can't be that easy. Or maybe he's been alone so long that he isn't aware of just how grating his voice can be. Either way, if it gets him through the door he's willing to do it. ]

[ And so he opens his mouth and replies with Blitzo's own voice. ]

You got it, buddy!

[Oh Satan he's gone from the most confused boner to a hard nope. Thanks buddy.]

THAT'S IT. I'm ventilating that skull of yours!

[ Beetlejuice stops smiling. ]

[ Beetlejuice considers his actions. Some of them, anyway. ]

[ Beetlejuice spreads his undersized wings and makes for the roof of the establishment. ]

YOU BETTER RUN, BITCH!

[He fires a couple of shots after him just to to be sure.]

TDM 001!!

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1/3

2/3

3/3

don't ask how long I waited for 2 & 3