heckinooc | TDM 002 / MERMAY EVENT

TDM 002 / MERMAY EVENT

[ SEE GAME NAVIGATION TO READ UP ON HECK GAME BEFORE PLAYING IF YOU SO DESIRE ]

A: Garden Level - CLEAN UP CREW
[WHUH OH YOU'VE DIED AND ENDED UP IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL. A usually beautiful sight--this time it seems the water from heaven is spilling over! Watch your step or you might get a stream of ocean water cascading atop your head like a prop bucket.

The imps and cherubs are hard at work with a water pump tho!! They've got this, really. "Don't mind us, we're just--doing paperwork! Yep!! THAT'S ALL IT IS."

Reassuring. More alarming, you may have noticed that you've changed. Depending on your alignment, you may have more heavenly or hellish traits.............or just for May, you may have AQUATIC traits. That's not worrying!!

Well as some oldbies get teleported to the garden as well, maybe you can ask them some questions!!]

B: HECK-LING TIMES
[Now if you take the elevator down to Hell's Hotel, it's water free! However you may be IMMEDIATELY assaulted by some imps who try to jab you with a shiv. Standard hell greeting!! Maybe someone intervenes or maybe you can like, just punch them. The sheep imps ain't shit. The rest of the hotel is surprisingly nice though, and if you have a room assignment there, you'll find it honestly pretty accommodating.

BUT OUTSIDE? Oh buddy is it still flooded!! Some imps are working hard to pump the water out, but it has the added effect of creating whirlpools. Get sucked into one and not only will you be tossed and turned like laundry, but there's a chance a MEMORY will be tossed right out of you! This could be anything from forgetting your name, your bestie's face, where you live, whatever! Don't worry, the effect will wear off in a few hours, or until someone finds the memory and gives it back to you (in the form of floating seashells that will float near the whirlpools!)]

C: HEAVENLY SING-A-LONGS
[Take the elevator up, and you step in the luxurious Heavenly Hotel! And you may be IMMEDIATELY assaulted by sheep cherubs spritzing you with perfumes or colognes or dolling up your hair. They're here to serve!! Once you get rid of those pests though, feel free to explore the ludicrously divine amenities of the hotel.

OUTSIDE isn't nearly as flooded as Hell, though the local ocean has still expanded greatly, but instead there's a different problem...........there are crabs. And seagulls. And fish?? Singing. They're singing SO much.

You may find a chorus of sea critters at any point in Heaven abruptly bursting into a kiss-the-girl style musical, accidentally revealing a crush you might have, or a silly secret. Better hope passing angels and other residents aren't listening too hard! Of course you can just punt the annoying creatures away. Or eat them. That's an option too, sure. ]

OOC NOTES:
-All effects are optional and last as long as it's fun for you to play with them!
-TDM characters can have mermaid forms or not, up to you!
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open in June! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!
-Remember regardless of your alignment, you are free to travel to whatever level you wish!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ CAN I PET THAT DOG—she was absolutely sauntering forward to try and reach for the cat when the laughter stops her short. probably for the best, Kamora doesn’t look like she likes chin scratches.

straightening up, she uses her pinky to itch her ear through the mask while humming thoughtfully again. ]

Right? Who shaves a cat when they’re gonna make it wear a coat anyhow? At least she looks pretty badass like that! [ but then Kamora goes and gives her a look that would put her six feet under. ]

Why do I get that look?! I was worried about your tits, I’m not gonna heal them when they get frost bitten and fall off! You—ah, she’s gone now.

[ with a sheepish laugh, she shrugs her shoulders and turns to the stranger. ] Ah, right, this is Hell! I guess it can’t freeze over or anything. If it does we’d be pretty screwed, huh?

[Nobunaga kicks out a chair for her to join him.] Well, I've seen it freeze a couple of times. Technically not this hell they keep telling me, but I can't tell the difference.

Everyone does seem to care more about being badass than practicality around here. "It's all just vibes," my partner would say.

I'm Oda Nobunaga. Demon King of -- it doesn't matter. Welcome to Hell. I promise not to shave you and make you wear your own fur. [Smirks!] Unless you're into that, and then we could talk terms.

[ she accepts the seat, sliding onto it not long after it is nudged her way. what a friendly guy! ]

Hell is Hell, right? Minus the shitty smelling water, it’s not so bad! Plenty of people to fight, ya know? One of those fuckers stabbed me too! He flew pretty far when I hit him~ [ her voice goes singsong at the last statement. ]

Oh, a king! Wait, do I have to bow and shit? [ she is absolutely thinking out loud as she unzips her mask and shakes her hair out before setting the mask aside, shooting him a grin. ] Ha! Hard pass! I’d look totally weird bald.

[ while gesturing to herself with a thumb: ] Noi! I’m a Cleaner.

Exactly! [Laughs and gives her a thumbs up. Is he doing it right?] Ohhh nice job.

[And a small wince about the bows, that's why using his titles is a gamble. He went out of his way to get rid of the religion that it's from, so of course no one knows the contexts unless they're a history nerd, and then it just seems completely weird and extra to them. Spoilers: he IS weird and so damn extra so.]

Oda's fine. My generals defer to me, but demons don't give respect or deferrence until it's been beaten into them, and I'm past the age of waging war on all worlds. [That's a lie. He will never stop. He is kind of bored with it though. And curious if there's a way to bring peace to Hell without being dull.]

You are quite gorgeous like this. T'would be a shame to ruin that glowing frame.

Forgive the strangeness of this question, but what do you clean?

Oda, then, you seem like a cool guy for being a king! Don’t they usually have a stick up their asses? [ with a little too much strength and great fanfare, she claps a hand against his shoulder. ] Yep, I think I’m gonna like ya! I like beatin’ people too.

Me? Gorgeous? Eh, what a sneaky guy! But you don’t gotta worry about it, I’m super strong. [ after flexing her muscles she leans over and nudges him with an elbow before propping an arm up against the bar, resting her cheek against her palm. ]

Messes. Ya know, if someone fucks up and needs to get dealt with, that’s my job. In and out in time for dinner. Speakin’ of—

[ her stomach growls and she promptly face plants into the bar top with a groan. ]

Kickin’ their asses made me hungry.. does this place have food?

Yes, usually. Demon Kings are a lot different. It's more a meaning of complete and total disrespect for authority, and tradition, anything anyone holds as "sacred," the final step before the most devout would reach Buddhadom. It's that I want people to eat, have luxuries, be happy, enjoy life -- or Hell, rather than die just to reincarnate. The religious zealots would rather they toiled, starved, didn't even have hair, clothes, music, or art, because all that is wasteful and won't help them increase ranks by death. And I'd rather abolish the castes entirely, and let people enjoy themselves based on the here and now, not have to 'earn' it by dying and leave it all up to luck. If you want a better future, you have to create it, not earn it. [And if you think that's a mouthful... he's not even started yet. He can go on forever about how religion sucks okay okay.]

Oh, I believe you. [Lazy appreciative grin eyeing the muscles.] Are you interested in their Fight Night then? It's run by the naked sphinx, I believe. [Vague gesture to Kamora.]

If there isn't food, they need to get a chef to get on that. [He has a mild debate of not willing to give ANY leeway to other demons, even if he likes Greed, Oda's constantly wary/mindful of debts, but fuck it, he wouldn't be the Demon King if he didn't act like an idiot now and again. So he does a falconry whistle to try to grab the waiter's attention. Get up and GO TO THE BAR ITSELF? Nah fuck that.]

[ oh, this guy sure talks a lot! most of it kind of goes over her head and she makes no secret of it, squinting her eyes and raising an eyebrow as he continues on. isn’t Buddha the bald, fat guy who always looks super happy?

now that’s a guy she can follow, someone who thinks with his stomach. yeah, she completely missed the point of this talk and might be zoning out. this bar is stylish as fuck—oh, a better future! she can jump on that one and she does by bringing her fist down onto the bar sharply with a laugh. ]

Yeah, yeah! With your own hands, right? Ya gotta make money and kick the other guy’s ass before he kicks yours! [ wait, her brain just caught up. ] No hair or clothes? Damn, they’re bald and naked like the cat! Hey, should religious guys be naked? How do people listen to them talk with their junk hangin’ out?

[ HOLD THE PHONE, ODA. Noi’s head snaps around at the words Fight Night and she has this look in her eye like a kid on Christmas morning. ] I am! Are they strong as fuck? I don’t wanna beat up small fries. If I’m gonna be here a while, should I apologize to the bald cat? I think she’s pissed at me!

[ how does one butter up a cat? she will figure it out later, right now there is food to be had. no menu needed, she just blurts out casually: ]

One of everything, please! You’ll eat me with me, right, Oda? Is one of everything enough? Do ya eat a lot? Shit, I didn’t even ask what was good first..

Yeah, exactly. [And laughs again.] Well, minimalist clothes anyway. Only the best cults go naked. [Damn it Nobunaga...] The monks wear recycled starchy terrible fabrics that make wool seem as fluffy as it is on the sheep. Terrible stuff. And they hate colors. Who hates colors?

The cat runs the fight club, but I'm sure if you fight well, she'll be pleased anyway? To be blunt, cats are fickle, but they love violence even more than most demons. They are absolute murder machines. I'm sure they can find you someone suitable to your strengths.

Yeah, I'll eat with you. Ah, probably not as much though. This is the one aspect I'm royalty on. Military, but still born in a castle and all that. [So he's picky as hell. Though his sweet tooth is out of the world.] Just enjoy yourself, I'll keep up.

I guess fightin’ naked wouldn’t be bad! There’s nothin’ to keep ya from movin’ around freely! But if someone’s got a knife, they’d get their dicks cut off. Ya gotta be fast! Bright colors make ya a target, especially if you’re in the slums. Darker clothes hide bloodstains better. Ah, kinda.. [ she draws up her arms to reveal a plethora of splatters along them and her chest. ]

Is that so? Heh! I’ll fight better than everyone else then, then she’ll have to let me pet her. Right? [ Kamora is so over her shit right now and Noi is either oblivious to or uncaring of her displeasure. ] You’re gonna be my friend, you fancy ass cat!

More for me! It’s kinda weird eatin’ without senpai, he eats super fast, when we see who can eat the fastest he always wins. Such a pain, always havin’ to be the one that pays the bill.. he wins fair and square though! [ she is practically radiating pride when she talks about her partner in crime. ]

Not me, if it looks good I’m gonna eat it. So, what does that mean? You only eat the fancy stuff? Like one of those places where you have to use all that fancy silverware?

[Nobunaga has not stopped being amused for even one second, and just nods along. Poor Kamora???? Petting Siffleur was the reward for defeating the murder happy werecougar, but Nobunaga was mostly experimenting with death and not really caring about petting the giant murder-happy monster cat. Still, Klaus went out of his way to pet the tiger, monkey, and other animals, so it's a thing that people do.]

Yare yare, I'm fond of black and red for that reason, but white is best for showing off. [He is nearly incapable of stealth, does it show? His own partner in crime (Klaus) is always amused at Nobunaga's failed attempts running around in full plate mail with a booming general's voice, putting the white jacket over his head for true stealth mode. As you do.]

I already lost a couple eating contests to a pair of gods, so I'm pretty over it. Wolves have four stomachs, and it turns out Gods don't even have to eat, so they don't have to digest either. They just do it to blend in. But they refuse to lose to demons, so it's a losing proposition from the get go for me. [Otherwise his novelty addiction would kick in especially to try EVERYTHING. If it's especially unusual or sweet though? He'll definitely try it!]

[Waves a hand.] No, I prefer chopsticks or anything that can be eaten from the saddle. Have you ever had American food? I went to one of their fairs. [A beat.] No, two. But one of them I only ate fudge. Another one I had all their fried high calorie over-processed consumption wares for offer [One day he will describe things in NOT the weirdest possible way ever, but not today...] and I felt like I was going to die. [He was the sickest he's ever been.] I was nearly laid up the whole next day. But it was a once in a non-lifetime opportunity so I went back to try it again the day after. [NOT his shining moment...] I wouldn't say I've learned restraint, just American food is too -- [Not peasant food, because even though Japan's marketing sushi as luxury now, it's ALWAYS going to be the cheapest fastest McDonald's chicken nuggets to Nobunaga -- but American food is too fucking much!!!] hellbent even for one such as me. [A nod!]

[ she lets out a dramatic groan, lip curled up a little. ]

White gets dirty so quick! Unless that’s the look you’re goin’ for? Let the bad guys see all the blood and guts so they get so scared they piss their pants. I like it!

[ battles are battles, she is happiest when she is kicking ass and taking names but she still wouldn’t wear white. sporting sweat stained pits in the middle of restaurants would look gross, even though she’d just call it a hard days work. Shin would make her change before they went out, probably. ]

Gods? [ she makes an impressed noise, craning her head to look him over again. he looks like a regular guy but she knows better than to judge a book by its cover. ] Those fuckin’ cheaters! I guess when you’re a God you can rig anything though, huh? Still, that’s the worst. Fight fair or don’t fight at all.

[ she busts out laughing at the food talk, giving him some side eye. ]

You shit your pants, didn’t you? Or got stuck on the toilet for an hour! I have an iron stomach, I bet I could eat all of that and come back for seconds. So, American food is just like snacks? Is there meat? [ don’t even give her a pair of chopsticks, she will just stab at the food with them and make a fool of herself. ]

Exactly. More like, in spite of how dirty everything is, my enemies see how it's not getting stained, and get scared.

Yes. [Laughs. At least she gets why Gods suck in this regard! Even if he's immensely fond of the two he ate with.]

What? No. [LAUGHS. Fuck. He didn't know what to expect, but she's really keeping him on his toes, what the fuck?] No, no, no... I was just nearly paralyzed. It turns out even the Demon King can't conquer the sin of gluttony. Pride got the best of me. [Waves a hand.] American food is the opposite of snacks, that's the problem. Japanese food is apparently the best snacks in the world, [According his foodie samurai who is also American--] but American food is way too heavy! I had to fight to get Ja-- I mean Hell, to accept meat, and they didn't really deal with dairy or even eggs, but American food is almost ONLY THAT!? It's crazy!

Have you ever had ice cream? They had a place with 31 flavors, and Americans are so wild, they would just eat all 31 in one big bowl!!! [Just throws his hands up in defeat.] Even I couldn't handle more than 19 at once! [Also because he's incapable of moderation and did not do a single spoonful of each flavor...] They had this other thing called Funnel cake and elephant ears, but it's not actually ears of an elephant, it's just a lot of oil and sugar and dough and it's just way too much! [Again, the lack of moderation was really the big problem here.] And that's not even talking about their hot dogs! They're not real dogs either, they're just meat wrapped in meat, and then cooked in batter or even more oil, as if it wasn't insane already. And they deep fried butter?! Butter is just straight fat and they put it in more fat?!

I don't know, even you might have troubles with some of it!

I never thought I'd be so grateful to see sushi after that!

[Nobunaga's pretty bad at being quiet even when trying, but even he's not usually THIS loud. Noi's really bringing out the worst in him!]

Yep! Then you swoop in and take them out, right?

[ oh buddy, he is hyping her up and there isn’t even anyone to fight here yet. she is grinning because she knows exactly how effective scare tactics like that can be. you know, except it’s usually her size that scares them off then they get an eyeful of the mask before it is lights out forever. ]

Guys shit their pants all the time when they see us comin’ so if you did, I won’t judge ya. [ truly, she will not, but she might grin at him a little. ] Dairy and eggs make you strong, right? Not as strong as me but that’s a given~

[ but it does give her pause, imagining all the different types of food she could find around this place. it’s hell, right? she expected fire, brimstone and getting poked in the ass by something sharp by something with horns. some of the stuff she’s seen back home is creepier than the scene here, what a weird vibe. ]

31 flavors?! I wanna try them all! Ya think they have somethin’ like that here? I bet they have it up there but it’s too fuckin’ bright, I thought I was gonna go blind up there. Plus they kept sprayin’ me in the face with shit. They’re lucky I don’t like to hit girls..

[ meat, ice cream and sushi, it’s settled then. rapping her fist against the bar, she turns that grin on him and matches his energy. ]

Let’s find American food here! I wanna try it! All 31 flavors! Let’s go—ah, wait, we already have food comin’..

Exactly. [Another thumbs up.]

[Though he arches an eyebrow in amusement.] I don't scare easily. Especially not from size. I might not look it, but I can sumo wrestle really well, and I know how to use smaller size to one's advantage in throws. Though I'll admit I'm impressed you're bigger than Yasuke and even some oni I've known. I take it, that's not actually common where you're from?

Are you really that strong? [Ahhhh that gets HIM riled up to want to find out... An arm wrestle should be fine, right? Unless they break something...]

Probably no ice cream here, but if they do it'd be in Hell, not up there. Hell's way better about candy and luxuries. All Heaven has is singing crabs and coffee. Fuck both of those.

[Laughs. And grabs some fried pickles, even though his plan was for sweets.] They had these too! These are actually really good. So how much CAN you eat? Have you ever had your fill?

So you’re strong as hell? We should wrestle one day, if you manage to throw me then dinner’s on me. All that fight in’ is gonna work up an appetite, ah, at least for me. A few people are taller than me but not many, I can count ‘em on one hand!

[ funny he should think of arm wrestling, because she props her elbow up on the bar with a boisterous laugh. ] Find out! Loser has to buy the ice cream later. Deal?

[ she leans in as if to share a secret, then murmurs. ] I don’t trust ‘em up there, they’d probably try to put shit in the ice cream to give us the shits. Considering how many times they hit me in the face with the cologne, I wouldn’t put it past ‘em.

All of it! [ she suddenly looks proud as hell, the story must mean an awful lot to her. ] Shin and I got kicked out of an all you can get buffet once because we ate all the food. If it’s not all you can eat, don’t say it is! Dumbasses.

To be honest, my strength is more in skill. It's all tactics and using the environment to my advantage, [And cheating and so many mindgames, but he's not willing to do that to her.] but I definitely have to keep up. Fighting gods is no joke.

[He cheerfully props his arm up all the same, ready to fight her. He's not taking the gauntlets off though. But they're samurai kote so the fingers are free, just covering the knuckles and tops of his hands.]

[And he just snorts about the cherubs.] I guess that's as close as they get to stabbing for hello there. I'll take the imps any day of the week. It's nostalgic for me. [That's sad. He also doesn't even realize it's sad!]

[And he laughs at her buffet story.] Hah really? Okay, if I find Yato again you can try to out-eat him.

If I best you in the fighting ring -- if they let mixed gender fights happen, some Westerners get weird about that -- you should join my army.

You’d be the first person who fought against gods that I’d fought against. Shit, that pumps me up! Fair fight, winner buys dinner—that’s the life, Nobunaga!

[ really, she couldn’t possibly look any more excited than she does right now, she is practically vibrating in place. the chance to fight someone who is strong as fuck is an absolute rush, Shin would be crapping his pants right now.

with too much enthusiasm, she claps their hands together and grins down at him. for a regular person the pressure of her grip would already be too much and she isn’t even putting any of her strength behind it yet. ]

Same! At least the imps wanna fight, I’d feel kinda bad punchin’ one of them up there. Unless they started shit, then I’d hafta finish it! Start shit, get hit, right?

This Yato guy can eat a lot? Still, I don’t think anyone could beat Shin! He eats too damn fast, sometimes I wonder if he’s stuffin’ it under the table just so I’ll pay.. [ still, that draws a fond smile out of her. whoever he is, he obviously means a lot to her—and he isn’t here. ]

Eh? Why wouldn’t they let us fight? I could probably kick their asses, I bet that’s why. They’re scared! [ not wrong! but the bit about joining his army as her looking surprised. ] You’ve got a whole army here? Damn, that’s cool! I mean, if there’s fightin’ and I’m not workin’ right now, I guess it’d be okay. Deal!

[OOF! There is no fucking way he's going to win this arm wrestle. But good thing he can use her strength and size to his advantage in the arena -- assuming again, they let him fight a woman. It works to his villainous reputation anyway, right? Nobunaga is definitely going to give it his all, but he's only human! Though the desire to start weight lifting almost instantly to try to get stronger has never been as severe. After he sparred with the Greek Gods, he wanted to improve his speed, and experimented the last year with wearing less armor as often as he could to try to see if it would help with the speed. Now? He's thinking the exact opposite! More weight, more strength training, enough to make Tayrey's training look like for children.]

[Of course it also means he REALLY wants Noi in his army!]

Exactly. [A grunt, because she's not even trying hard! T_T]

[Well, it isn't like he would expect to win an arm wrestle with his oni friends either. After his arm gets smacked flattened--!]

Yes, Yato is my wielder. [Since he already told Greed this. The only one in Hell he told, actually! Though obviously Klaus was with him when it happened and they'd had a bit of a blow out about it oops.] He's the only god I respect! He does cleaning too! [Literal like bathroom cleaning, but yes, also cleaning the streets of demons or hungry spirits. But genuinely Nobunaga respects him for doing the bathroom cleaning, because other gods don't, and Nobunaga's moral compass is ~~a bit~~ very insane.] If he was here, I'd introduce you, definitely, but I usually run way ahead of him when I can to get things established my way so he doesn't work as hard.

So is Shin your size or just eats a lot? Yato is way smaller than me, but it's a whole math thing. He can divide by 0, even that's supposed to be impossible.

[Nods.] Totally scared. It's probably fine. I haven't encountered any of the old laws in Hell that used to piss me off all the time, so this might be the same.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

TDM 002 / MERMAY EVENT

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she is a dumbass, forgive me lmao

That's okay he loves it. It's been ages since he had someone to be dumb with lmao

without her partner here to reel her in stupidity will be a part of life

same same! He's got his left hand general but Mitsuhide generally prefers chaos oops

when you write the reply.. but don’t hit sent fml

I do that WAY too often XD

running at like 50% capacity today lmao

#Relatable :P

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