TDM 001!!

[heckinmods]

[ SEE GAME NAVIGATION TO READ UP ON HECK GAME BEFORE PLAYING IF YOU SO DESIRE ]

A) MAY I OFFER U PIE IN THIS TRYING TIME(GARDEN LEVEL)
[OOPS YOU DIED. WELCOME TO THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL. If you're new here, have a sheep cherub or imp slap a "HI MY NAME IS--" sticker on you, and frantically explain "DON'T WORRY, WE'RE WORKING ON IT, WE'LL HAVE YOU OUT HERE....AT...SOME POINT..." Wack. Also, you may noticed that your body may or may not have changed. What's up with that??? Who cares, at least you have as spiffy new cell phone! You're also told you're free to take the elevators up to Heaven or down to Hell. Good luck!

In the mean time--join the garden party that's going on! Or at least, it seems like a party?? Except all they are serving is pie. Apple pie. Blueberry pie. The classics. For you more Carnivorous types, there's stuff like mince pie, and...the name is smudged, but maybe don't eat that one unless you're a cannibal.

But along with a variety of normal pies, if you accidentally eat a weird pie, your character might experience the following:
Vinegar Pie - It's tasty but suddenly you're compelled to blurt out an Insult or ruthlessly tease the next person you see.
"Sweet" Potato - If you're a normally grumpy or aggro character, this pie will suddenly make you want to be more affectionate! This can be anything from wanting to hold hands or saying genuine nice things.
Humble Pie - Suddenly you feel complimenting or praising others and might downplay your own achievements, or insult yourself.

You can probably shake off the effects, but hey. Free pie!! ]


B) LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE (HELL LEVEL)
[TIME TO EXPLORE. Today in the Hell Level, the Hotel (Ho-hell? Helll-tel? Okay just Hotel) it's time for spring cleaning! Wait, didn't they just have that? An Imp says yes, but this is a different type of cleaning. Time to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!!!

Which is to say, out of no where you might receive a PUNCH in the face by a local, or an imp! If the latter it's like being bapped by a sick little lamb. Still, even if a local punches you, you suddenly heal immediately? That's right, TODAY ONLY, this is a 'get into a scrap injury free' spring holiday, and you can rough house as much as you want with each other today in the Hotel, and NO DAMAGE will remain! Ever wanted to get cut in half and suddenly stitch back together? WELL TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

If you're not into PG rated guro however, why don't you try exploring:
-The clubs! The nightlife in hell is FANTASTIC and genuinely fun!
-Games! Along with casinos galore, there are also normal arcades! Any game you can imagine, it exists.
-Or explore parts of Hell's Hotel that don't involve getting into a dogpile! ]


C) MARCH COMES IN LIKE....(HEAVEN LEVEL)
[TODAY IN HEAVEN THOUGH, there are advertisements for the ZOO!! A zoo in heaven?? Fuck yea!! But when you get there you see nothing but...........lions. And lambs. Just, everywhere. They aren't fighting though, but being super cute and soft and have tiny wings. You can pet them and pick them up--well the lambs at least. The lion might crush you. But you're dead anyway so give it a shot champ!!

Local angels explain that every 'spring' the zoo does this, and it's a sign of good fortune! You might wonder why you need good fortune in Heaven, but fuck it, when it Rome!! If you stick around long enough the zoo will change back to 'normal' and you can find other animals to gawk at.

If zoos aren't your thing though, check out heaven's:
-BEACH!! How is there an ocean and sandy white beach in the sky! Who cares, it's heaven! Beach episode time!
-Coffee shops! There are no coffee shops in hell! LIVE YOUR COFFEE AU DREAMS.
-Or just explore the Heavenly hotel in general!]

D) WILDCARD
[DO WHATEVER ELSE or send text messages on your phone!! ]


OOC NOTES:
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open next Sunday! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!

Comments

it's beautiful

[cockadoodledome]

Lucifer!
so good to read you!!! how you been???

ok but really
what is this?? this aint our hell
did they tell you anything else?? cause uknow youre you and all

pie 1/3

[princess_of_hell]

...Dad?

[She saw him talking to some other angel on the other side of the room. There hadn't been much time for Charlie herself to get fully... acclimated, but there were so many characters from her own Hell that sooner or later it really doesn't surprise her that much that she's seeing--]

2/3

[princess_of_hell]

Dad! Dad! --Dad!

[In a repeat of earlier weaving through the fight she stumbled into, she's running over to him as quick as she can get her balance.]

No, no! Sorry, that's my Dad over there, and... sorry!

[At least one person gets aggressively-kindly shoved out of the way.]

3/3

[princess_of_hell]

[he gets a full hug. Spinning! Dramatic!]

Dad!

[Give her a moment... it's a surprise not just to see him in 'Eden', but at all.]

...How are you?

[cockadoodledome]

Well that's a load of shit, babe. [He'll swear for both of you, don't worry Fizz!!] Always said Heaven wasn't all it's supposed to be. I hate that for you...

[He has a lot of thoughts about "broken parts". None of Fizz is broken, in his opinion, but, this isn't the time or place for that talk. Not when his froggy is this upset about everything.]

I'm getting the feeling none of this is gonna be like home. But hey. I got the most important thing about home right here.

[You want more gross face nuzzles? Because that's what's going to happen.]

We can figure the rest out as we get to it.

Pie Once More~ (Return to The Pie?)

[behemoth_betrayed]

Tch, it's actual bullshit. My contracts don't allow for 'clerical errors'. Mistakes like this get you erased from existence. Which... leads me to believe it's actually not a mistake.

[ Here's Ábramar, in his shiny new (mostly) human body. He's not very happy about it... but he also appears more or less chill. Appears. ]

I'm not saying anyone deserves to be erased from existence for this, but... it's pretty inconvenient. I have shit to do. A Cult to run. Mm, Coven. I meant Coven.

[ a grin made entirely of gold.]

[bloodyrose]

The games were for the entertainment of the demons in Hell Proper.

Who knows. Technically we weren't dead, but abducted. Although death also wasn't permanent in the first place.

[bloodyrose]

"New," as in because of this place?

[ He has a bit of experience with that sort of thing, even apart from the issue with his skin and eyes. ]

3-c

[behemoth_betrayed]

Magically inclined, I certainly am. What have you noticed, oh prince of a different hell?

[behemoth_betrayed]

[ Here's Ábramar, manifesting like he was invisible point two seconds ago. He very kindly catches the punch aimed right for Charlie's face, while his other hand splays dramatically over his own chest. And... another, pinching the bridge of his nose in a gesture of fatige. And... a pair of arms, crossed beneath his ribs. Kay. ]

It's poor karma to attack someone who isn't attacking you first [ Ábramar scolds the snarling aggressor with a grin made entirely of gold. Then he rips the dude's arm off like it's made of paper and throws it to the side. No blood? No blood! And he's uh... just going to pick up the arm Abby threw across the room. Again... Kay. ]

I'm curious though [ speaking to Charlie now, turning to her with a smaller, but no less serpentine grin. ] as to why you think violence is inherently something to be avoided. Fire Energy is just a part of existence, no more or less useful than the other elements. It exists in every universe I've lived in so far. [Conversationally, because talking about the weather is for dopes.]

[mochi4head]

[Of course it would be Eevee-related. It suits her, asides from her obviously having an all Eevee team, though that's partially because Kieran's used to seeing her big fluffy bag on her back - now she's fluffy all over!]

Yeah... though Nemona would probably end up getting distracted and would start looking for a battle [Kieran scratches the back of his head, unable to help but smile at the thought.]

But just you and me... huh. What have you tried? I've... not done much. [Oops]

thank u uwu

[applesolutely]

Good, good! Helping with Charlie's pet project, keeping busy.
How have things been in Lust?

If I'm honest, I have no idea!
They didn't tell me anything special.
Didn't even know who I was.
Isn't that a gas? They don't know who I am!

[applesolutely]

[ he hears it. of course he does. ]

—Charlie?

[ he's moving before she even gets to him, standing and turning toward her for the good ol' hug and spin move. boy, he loves being on good terms with his daughter, actually! this is the best! ]

CharChar!

[ yes. his pride and joy. haha, pride. he should make that joke aloud. wait, don't get distracted. he gives her a little squeeze instead. ]

Dead, supposedly! Hah! As if! These clerical errors, huh Charlie? [ as happy as he is to see charlie, there is something a little put-on about the cheeriness. but his way-too-blue eyes soften as he looks at her, smile easing into something quiet and fond. ]

I just got here, so I'm still figuring things out. Feeling better now that I'm with you. Hey, how do you like the Garden? There wasn't pie last time I was here! It hadn't been invented yet.

[twominutes]

It is a load of ■■■■, babe. [ well, can't blame him for continuing to try. ] I dunno why the Princess wants to send people there so bad when everyone there thinks they're better than everyone else. Oh, the Princess is here too.

[ he wants soooo many face nuzzles. he continues them for much longer than necessary. ]

Yeah. The important part of home is right here, big guy. Oh! Sssspeaking of things that aren't like home, if anyone mentions a guy called Greed, he's not Mammon. Unless Mammon showed up when I wasn't looking, but you're here now so I don't have to freak out, anyway his name is Greed, he's a greed guy from another place.

[ he wriggles into oz's arms a little more comfortably. ]

He's a cool guy, not the ■■■clown ■■■■bag cuck Mammon from Greed.

[ a beat. ]

Wait, I can say cuck? Is the censoring over? ■■■■! ■■■■! ... [ he bursts out laughing despite the continued censorship, a gleeful shrill cackle. ] Are you telling me Heaven doesn't know what cucks are? Can't censor what they don't know! Kind of ironic, all things considered...

[applesolutely]

Your... Contracts?

[ for a moment, lucifer just squints at this guy. is he bullshitting? does he not know who he's talking to?

either yes or he doesn't care, but at that last part, at that grin, he laughs and laughs and laughs. now, lucifer didn't start out as a liar, but he learned. he sure fucking learned, and he's the best liar there ever was, now. this guy isn't even trying.

he leans in, expression gleeful, and prods him in the forehead with one finger. he probably has to reach upward to do it, but don't worry about it. ]

Not even trying to be subtle, are you! What kind of cult are we talking? Destructive, doomsday, political? —Hah! Terrorist, maybe? Are you the contract maker or the contract taker? Details, details, c'mon, I haven't got all day, but I could use some entertainment!

[behemoth_betrayed]

[ Nope, not bullshitting! And another nope, who in the cosmos is this guy? The laugh doesn't insult him though-- only makes him curious. This one definitely wasn't a mortal, from his demeanor.

And he's not trying because he's not lying-- his context is just vastly different then Lucifer assumes. Fairly so. He's probably never met anything, anyone like Ábramar before. The gleeful expression, all those fangs-- very enticing.

The poke to his head (you definitely gotta lean up, short king) annoys him for the smallest fraction of time in existence, then he laughs it off with a smoldering chuckle. He mirrors Lucifer's 'Do you know who I am?' headspace with a bemused little grin. But it's nice when people don't know who he is-- it means they don't know to be scared of him. ]

You're a curious one. That was... quite a few questions. Not that I can't relate to craving a little social connection. [ He lounges. Leisurely stretches his lengthy arms over his head (and a second pair, down towards the ground). ] As far as I can tell you do in fact have all day. We all seem to. And, for the record, subtlety is not my style.

[ Abby clears his throat and briefly collects his thoughts. ]

My Coven is composed of 107 Immortal Witches. I was more interested in being Worshiped than messing with the new mandate, so I (more or less) follow what the last Coven Leader put in place. Personal Growth and Safety, Community Building, Blah, blah blah... it sounds dull, but the ladies involved are so very... stimulating.

I am a Contract Maker, a Wish Granter. Until just recently, I was forbidden in my reality and hunted relentlessly. Being worshipped like that was actually a really refreshing change of pace.

That entertaining enough for you, Mr. Candy Apple? Usually my time isn't free, but as I mentioned, I think we both have the moments to spare.

[applesolutely]

[ hmmmm. Interesting. very Interesting. he waves off the 'we all have all day' impatiently. ]

Nonsense! I have people to look for and some office lackey to put the fear of the devil into so I can get back home. I have responsibilities! A kid! Ducks! Sinners to ostensibly redeem! That last one's still in the workshopping stage.

[ he's an animated little guy, that's for sure, and a little... all over the place? ]

What can I say? I'm a guy that's all about knowledge. [ that sounds kind of like a private joke, but he's not sharing the meaning or origin. there's a little odd thing that happens: his eyes flick red, just for a moment, while he's doing a strange 'blink one eye and then the other eye separately' thing. ]

Alright, alright, I'll grant that that description is actually mostly a coven. Other than the worshipping part, which makes it a cult! I've never liked being worshipped, personally, but it's right there in the rules.

[ he pops another bite of pie into his mouth, shrugging. ]

I never saw the appeal of making deals, but I guess I never really needed a power boost from anyone so I just don't see the point.

Also, Mr. Candy Apple? Really? Come on, you can do better than that.

[behemoth_betrayed]

[ The weird ones are always the most entertaining. When you don't care much about food, sleep, or even breathing-- well, entertainment is really the highlight of his existence. So, bring it on little weirdo! ]

Ah, so we're both Important Entities, on our own levels. Maybe that's 'a thing'. A reason to be here. Not that there has to be one, beyond 'it's entertaining to someone more powerful then us.' [ Abby stop prodding the fourth wall I hate when you do that jesus. He certainly appreciates Luci's stated affinity for knowledge. One of the greatest sources of Growth and Destruction in all of Existence-- no wonder that eye flickers red like hellfire. ]

You don't like being worshipped? I guess that comes with being 'so powerful' already. The power feels amazing... so does the attention. Maybe you'd like it if you met my Witches...

[ He'll nom some pie, too. Hunger, amirite? How novel! ]

Making Deals is how I grant Wishes. It's how I impact Existence around me. There's no pleasure or pain like it... though, I will accept Drama as a quick and dirty substitute.

And oh, I can. That was just off the top of my head. Would you like me to try again?

[applesolutely]

[ yes yes, says the narrative, neither of these creachurs have to eat sleep or breathe, but where's the fun in that?

anyway, he considers the concept, then shrugs. ]

Ehhh, this isn't really the Big Guy's style if you know Him, so as far as I'm concerned it really is some kind of clerical error that needs fixing. [ the capital letters in those words are practically audible. ] But until then, well! I've got some people back home that are proooobably taking care of things.

[ wait until he finds out who's here! ]

Oh, absolutely not. All it is is people heaping responsibility on you that you wouldn't have otherwise. Who needs more responsibilities? I have enough already. [ a beat. ] I'll pass on the witches too, thanks.

[ he sounds like he has negative fucks to give about some witches or whatever. sorry, my guy. ]

Wishes? Are you a genie now? Isn't it fun to see how people figure out their problems on their own? Humans are so interesting!

Go for it, I've probably heard it before but I'd be delighted to hear something new.

Hell (in lust we trust, big guy)

[succinainteasy]

Hey, watch it, asshole!

[ While she was rounding on him with an annoyed glance, it immediately disappears when she figures out who it is. Lifting her sunglasses, she flashes him a smile before gesturing around them idly. ]

Is it too late to take that back? Took you long enough to get here, Fizz is going to lose his shit when he sees you. If you're gonna lodge a complaint with management, I'll save you some time and tell you not to bother. The clerical bullshit trickles down from the top.

Welcome to bargain brand Hell.

let's get ready to rumble

[succinainteasy]

[ The next time he turns around, he is greeted by a face full of succubus who is likely too close for comfort. Verosika is leaning over a bit (okay, a lot, you short fucker) so that they're eyelevel as she studies his face carefully. She had been close enough to Charlie when they danced together that the similarities don't go unnoticed even though something is throwing her off.

Without a care in the world, she reaches out and flicks at the halo with a finger. ]

Either someone's got a sick sense of humor or you're getting trolled so hard right now.

[ Time for someone to point out the elephant in the room, which she does by attempting to point skyward. Look up, little guy. This ought to be an interesting reaction if he's who she thinks he is.. ]

[behemoth_betrayed]

[ Mmmm Drama is the fun, of course. Cause, and effect. Chaos. Bending the Universe to the will of your Master. Maybe Abby could eat-- but it's more likely he'd be interested in swallowing a powerful being to consume its essence, than like... a cupcake.

And he can read hear all those Capitals, too. They don't much phase him-- there's more than one type of creature that can lord over realms and manipulate reality, ahem~ ]

You sound very sure. I'm sure existence has room for more than one of your Big Guys. Someone else who can spin reality like a top. [ His previous Master, for instance, who he's wondering about. Did Fortuna put him here? It weighs on him. Gnaws on him. So he's going to distract himself with this cute little weirdo instead! ]

I believe you're the first immortal I've met who would shrug that off. Responsibility is influence. I exist to change the world around me. What else is worth doing?

[ Rhetorical, because he continues his reply:]

And, a genie? Hardly. I'm a forbidden entity from beyond time and space. My arts are flawless and cost accordingly. I do not trouble with fools...I don't bother with basic bitches [ He laughs like an unearthly thing, showing his golden vampire-like fangs. When he settles, he looks hard and Luci, like he's staring into the atoms of his existence. A third eye opens in the center of his forehead, black with a golden ring, and intensifies the Behemoth's stare.]

Snake Charmer. Ring Leader. Chaos Gremlin. Or how about Circus Cockatiel? [ he's... he's probably fucking with you. Probably. Truly his ability to read The Cosmic Wheel is terribly stunted, and he's pulling guesses out of his brand new butt based on this guy's whole... vibe. But meh, fun times! ]

[applesolutely]

[ why are so many people in hell tall? come ON. but he only jumps slightly when confronted with a very tall person. ]

Woah! Personal space!

[ he's about to say something else when flicking the halo makes a sickeningly familiar sound, one he hasn't heard in eons, and his gaze flicks upward.

a very strange expression crosses his face: his grin falls, replaced with something horrifying and grim.

without saying anything, he reaches out and plucks the halo right out of the sky, holding it in both hands and examining it like a bug under a microscope or something stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

then with a crack that resounds through the whole area, loud enough that the fighting around them briefly pauses, he snaps it in half and lets the dull metal pieces fall to the ground between them. his eyes flicker back to their proper red and his grin slips back like nothing happened as he dusts his hands off. bleagh, heaven cooties. ]

There we go! How troublesome, but the pesky thing's gone now.

[ then: another one appears with an audible pop and his eyes go blue again. he notices this one immediately and even though his grin doesn't drop this time, he flips a pair of double birds at the sky. ]

What, you want me back that bad now? I'm just not into you like that anymore!

[ that is not the correct phrasing. ]

[charmdefensive]

wow bragging much

jk confidence is sexy 😏

Let's bring that confidence into this relationship with your universe creator too! Positive thinking! This might be one last prank to call it even and then the bargain is still on!

[charmdefensive]

[She does make eye contact while speaking, most of the time. She's getting away with this this time, at least.]

Yoga's a good choice! It makes you super flexible!