heckinooc | TDM 001!!

TDM 001!!

[ SEE GAME NAVIGATION TO READ UP ON HECK GAME BEFORE PLAYING IF YOU SO DESIRE ]

A) MAY I OFFER U PIE IN THIS TRYING TIME(GARDEN LEVEL)
[OOPS YOU DIED. WELCOME TO THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL. If you're new here, have a sheep cherub or imp slap a "HI MY NAME IS--" sticker on you, and frantically explain "DON'T WORRY, WE'RE WORKING ON IT, WE'LL HAVE YOU OUT HERE....AT...SOME POINT..." Wack. Also, you may noticed that your body may or may not have changed. What's up with that??? Who cares, at least you have as spiffy new cell phone! You're also told you're free to take the elevators up to Heaven or down to Hell. Good luck!

In the mean time--join the garden party that's going on! Or at least, it seems like a party?? Except all they are serving is pie. Apple pie. Blueberry pie. The classics. For you more Carnivorous types, there's stuff like mince pie, and...the name is smudged, but maybe don't eat that one unless you're a cannibal.

But along with a variety of normal pies, if you accidentally eat a weird pie, your character might experience the following:
Vinegar Pie - It's tasty but suddenly you're compelled to blurt out an Insult or ruthlessly tease the next person you see.
"Sweet" Potato - If you're a normally grumpy or aggro character, this pie will suddenly make you want to be more affectionate! This can be anything from wanting to hold hands or saying genuine nice things.
Humble Pie - Suddenly you feel complimenting or praising others and might downplay your own achievements, or insult yourself.

You can probably shake off the effects, but hey. Free pie!! ]

B) LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE (HELL LEVEL)
[TIME TO EXPLORE. Today in the Hell Level, the Hotel (Ho-hell? Helll-tel? Okay just Hotel) it's time for spring cleaning! Wait, didn't they just have that? An Imp says yes, but this is a different type of cleaning. Time to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!!!

Which is to say, out of no where you might receive a PUNCH in the face by a local, or an imp! If the latter it's like being bapped by a sick little lamb. Still, even if a local punches you, you suddenly heal immediately? That's right, TODAY ONLY, this is a 'get into a scrap injury free' spring holiday, and you can rough house as much as you want with each other today in the Hotel, and NO DAMAGE will remain! Ever wanted to get cut in half and suddenly stitch back together? WELL TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

If you're not into PG rated guro however, why don't you try exploring:
-The clubs! The nightlife in hell is FANTASTIC and genuinely fun!
-Games! Along with casinos galore, there are also normal arcades! Any game you can imagine, it exists.
-Or explore parts of Hell's Hotel that don't involve getting into a dogpile! ]

C) MARCH COMES IN LIKE....(HEAVEN LEVEL)
[TODAY IN HEAVEN THOUGH, there are advertisements for the ZOO!! A zoo in heaven?? Fuck yea!! But when you get there you see nothing but...........lions. And lambs. Just, everywhere. They aren't fighting though, but being super cute and soft and have tiny wings. You can pet them and pick them up--well the lambs at least. The lion might crush you. But you're dead anyway so give it a shot champ!!

Local angels explain that every 'spring' the zoo does this, and it's a sign of good fortune! You might wonder why you need good fortune in Heaven, but fuck it, when it Rome!! If you stick around long enough the zoo will change back to 'normal' and you can find other animals to gawk at.

If zoos aren't your thing though, check out heaven's:
-BEACH!! How is there an ocean and sandy white beach in the sky! Who cares, it's heaven! Beach episode time!
-Coffee shops! There are no coffee shops in hell! LIVE YOUR COFFEE AU DREAMS.
-Or just explore the Heavenly hotel in general!]

D) WILDCARD
[DO WHATEVER ELSE or send text messages on your phone!! ]

OOC NOTES:
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open next Sunday! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Beetlejuice ignores the pointing finger and puffs himself up. ]

I am the world's number one bio-exorcist, finally free from exile and receiving his rightful reward of tits to stare at!

[ He sweeps an arm towards the club. Something's nagging him though. He tilts his head and gives Fizzarolli a squinty squint. ]

Knock it off.

What the ████ is a bio-exorcist? It's some bull████ thing you just made up, isn't it? Satan, the guy can't even crack a good joke... And who cares about ████ right now!

[ then he's squinted at and ordered to do a thing that makes no sense and he practically gets floating question marks over his head about it. ]

Knock what off, ███clown?!

[ BJ invites himself into Fizzarolli's personal bubble to butt his forehead against the clown's and jab him in the chest with a finger. ]

Using my voice! That's copyrighted! Trademarked! It's my bit! And who are you calling a clown, clown?

Your voice is copyrighted? My voice is copyrighted, ███████! I have the paperwork in my wallet! Yours is a bit? This is just how I talk!

[ of course mammon would copyright his voice. what a freak. ]

I'm calling you a clown! But the ██████ kind!

But the what kind?

[ He cups a hand aside his ear mockingly. ]

I can't hear you!

████ you, you ███████ ███████ piece of ████! Sooo ███████ funny, ████ this, ████ you, ████ the ██████ horse you rode in on!

Also, stop ███████ touching me!

[ yeah he's mad. ]

Edited 2024-03-17 22:41 (UTC)

[ Beetlejuice nods along as the barrage of non-swears bounce off him like sleet off a windshield. When Fizzarolli finishes, the angel reaches out to flick one of the bells dangling from his hat.]

I'd tell ya to watch your blood pressure, but we're already dead. So! Fizzaroonie, maybe we got off on the wrong foot. I bet you and I could sing a killer duet.

[ He flicks the bell again. ]

Hey, wanna make out?

[ okay, but consider: the arm does extend this time, slapping the hand away. no touch.

then he just stares, incredulous, at what comes out of this motherfucker's mouth. ]

First off, it's Fizzarolli. Get it right. Second, why would I— [ he SMACKS THE HAND AGAIN ] ever want to sing a duet with you, much less make out?! I have a boyfriend!

[ that he constantly sleeps with other people with, but, you know, that's not here nor there.

they would sound really cool in a duet, though... oh no, now he's thinking about it. the adhd... is winning. ]

Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score!

[ He finally withdraws from Fizzarolli's space and props his fists on his hips, one popped out to the side as he looks the clown up and down. This guy is fun to mess with, but one thing shoves all BJ's other impulses aside--the fact that he is still lonely. ]

Fine. Whaddaya say we ruin someone else's day, huh? This Hell's gotta be full of people teetering on the brink of insanity--a little scare might do just the trick!

That was the most polite way I could say '████ off, no, never.'

[ he squints at the new offer though, and he's genuinely kind of mad that it sounds fun. but a distraction...

he waves a hand in a little circle like he's contemplating it. ]

Okay, okay, say I want to do some pranks. What does 'scare' entail? I like to know what I'm getting into.

Oh, you know. A little--

[ Beetlejuice's face splits open at the seams to reveal a visceral mass of writhing snakes. They quickly retract and the angels' face reforms. He taps his chin thoughtfully.]

Now that I think of it...they might be expecting that kinda thing down here. We gotta really think outside the box, Fizzerinski.

[ oh, yeah, fizz has no reaction to that whatsoever other than raising an eyebrow. ]

Yeah, no, that's kid stuff for a lot of people, at least in this ring. Personally not my thing so I don't bother, [ also he's an imp with no powers, but let's not talk about that. ]

You got anything else, though?

Hmmmm.

[ He pulls away from Fizzerolli to pace in a smile circle, heels still hanging above the cement. ]

I'll admit, I'm most experienced with terrorizing the living. But this is an opportunity! It'll be just like Julliard...

[ He reaches up and pulls down a screen from thin air. An image flickers on it as though streaming from a projector. It's of a large striped worm with its various parts labled. ]

well, there's Sandworms, but I managed to bypass Saturn entirely somehow, so I don't know how we'd manage to get any down here.

I mean, 'sandworms' would probably freak people out, but with no way to get them, I don't see how that helps.

[ this is gentle critique or whatever. ]

Also, what the ████ is a Julliard?

Oh, it's a sch--nevermind!

[ He flutters a hand and points to the projector screen again. The image has changed to a two panel diagram of a person with a book standing before a terrified ghost that disappears. ]

Listen, one thing all the dead I know of fear is blinking out of existence. And that's the one thing sandworms do...but if that's a bust...we could start a rumor that exorcisms have started happening in Hell. Getting exorcised is about as bad as being eaten.

Oh. No. Don't do that. That's a thing already.

[ he grimaces. a full-on clown grimace, look what you've done. ]

It's not called that, but that's what it is.

[ Beetlejuice tilts his head curiously, his fuzzy caterpillar brows furrowed up. ]

Huh...this Hell is pretty different from the Hell I know. Tell me more about that.

Okay, so, I don't know if this weird Hell matches, but—oh hey, I can say Hell—but back home, ye olde angels flap on down from up high to murder as many Sinners as possible. To combat "overcrowding." [ yes, he makes air quotes. ]

It's as ██████ as it sounds. Imps like me aren't really affected because we're Hellborn and part of the contract that was made, but... It still ███████ sucks!

[ Miraculously, BJ keeps his trap shut while his new friend explains. ]

So we're both from different Hells...and this is a third, weirder Hell. Holy moly, how many Hells are there?

[ wowee! if fizz had a gold star sticker he'd present him with one, genuinely. ]

There being even more than one is sure news to me! I don't have the brains to be existentially upset about this right now.

For real for real. Heaven doesn't even exist where I'm from, it's just made up to make breathers feel better about kicking the bucket.

[ He reaches up to twirl his halo around one finger as though he's temporarily lost in thought. He's not dumb enough to think he ended up an angel on purpose. Something was going on. But it also wasn't his problem. SHRUG. ]

Oh, where are my manners? Call me BJ!

[ He extends a grubby hand. ]

[ a low whistle. ]

Nah, Heaven is real for us, but in a way where we never see it, y'know? Being born in Hell is pretty permanent.

[ there's a pause when he hears the guy's... name? and he raises both eyebrows. he does, in fact, shake his hand, mostly because his own hand is made of metal so it's not like he can get germs or whatever. ]

BJ? Really? Is that the whole thing? Does an eggplant emoji go with it?

[ Instead of being annoyed, Beetlejuice waggles his eyebrows and catches his tongue in his teeth.]

If you want, big guy!

[ a sloooow squint. ]

I've heard better come-ons.

[ Beetlejuice flings his arms forward and them drops them at his sides. ]

Oh, gimmi a break, I had a long day! You do one better! I'm waiting!

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