TDM 001!!

[heckinmods]

[ SEE GAME NAVIGATION TO READ UP ON HECK GAME BEFORE PLAYING IF YOU SO DESIRE ]

A) MAY I OFFER U PIE IN THIS TRYING TIME(GARDEN LEVEL)
[OOPS YOU DIED. WELCOME TO THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL. If you're new here, have a sheep cherub or imp slap a "HI MY NAME IS--" sticker on you, and frantically explain "DON'T WORRY, WE'RE WORKING ON IT, WE'LL HAVE YOU OUT HERE....AT...SOME POINT..." Wack. Also, you may noticed that your body may or may not have changed. What's up with that??? Who cares, at least you have as spiffy new cell phone! You're also told you're free to take the elevators up to Heaven or down to Hell. Good luck!

In the mean time--join the garden party that's going on! Or at least, it seems like a party?? Except all they are serving is pie. Apple pie. Blueberry pie. The classics. For you more Carnivorous types, there's stuff like mince pie, and...the name is smudged, but maybe don't eat that one unless you're a cannibal.

But along with a variety of normal pies, if you accidentally eat a weird pie, your character might experience the following:
Vinegar Pie - It's tasty but suddenly you're compelled to blurt out an Insult or ruthlessly tease the next person you see.
"Sweet" Potato - If you're a normally grumpy or aggro character, this pie will suddenly make you want to be more affectionate! This can be anything from wanting to hold hands or saying genuine nice things.
Humble Pie - Suddenly you feel complimenting or praising others and might downplay your own achievements, or insult yourself.

You can probably shake off the effects, but hey. Free pie!! ]


B) LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE (HELL LEVEL)
[TIME TO EXPLORE. Today in the Hell Level, the Hotel (Ho-hell? Helll-tel? Okay just Hotel) it's time for spring cleaning! Wait, didn't they just have that? An Imp says yes, but this is a different type of cleaning. Time to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!!!

Which is to say, out of no where you might receive a PUNCH in the face by a local, or an imp! If the latter it's like being bapped by a sick little lamb. Still, even if a local punches you, you suddenly heal immediately? That's right, TODAY ONLY, this is a 'get into a scrap injury free' spring holiday, and you can rough house as much as you want with each other today in the Hotel, and NO DAMAGE will remain! Ever wanted to get cut in half and suddenly stitch back together? WELL TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

If you're not into PG rated guro however, why don't you try exploring:
-The clubs! The nightlife in hell is FANTASTIC and genuinely fun!
-Games! Along with casinos galore, there are also normal arcades! Any game you can imagine, it exists.
-Or explore parts of Hell's Hotel that don't involve getting into a dogpile! ]


C) MARCH COMES IN LIKE....(HEAVEN LEVEL)
[TODAY IN HEAVEN THOUGH, there are advertisements for the ZOO!! A zoo in heaven?? Fuck yea!! But when you get there you see nothing but...........lions. And lambs. Just, everywhere. They aren't fighting though, but being super cute and soft and have tiny wings. You can pet them and pick them up--well the lambs at least. The lion might crush you. But you're dead anyway so give it a shot champ!!

Local angels explain that every 'spring' the zoo does this, and it's a sign of good fortune! You might wonder why you need good fortune in Heaven, but fuck it, when it Rome!! If you stick around long enough the zoo will change back to 'normal' and you can find other animals to gawk at.

If zoos aren't your thing though, check out heaven's:
-BEACH!! How is there an ocean and sandy white beach in the sky! Who cares, it's heaven! Beach episode time!
-Coffee shops! There are no coffee shops in hell! LIVE YOUR COFFEE AU DREAMS.
-Or just explore the Heavenly hotel in general!]

D) WILDCARD
[DO WHATEVER ELSE or send text messages on your phone!! ]


OOC NOTES:
-This TDM is open to all! For now, you do NOT need to join the comm to play in it!
-Post questions for the mods here
-Remember, playing in the TDM does NOT guarantee your entry or app being accepted into the game proper later down the line!
-Apps open next Sunday! Be sure to read the rules linked there and check the current taken list!
-For current players: TDMs count as game canon AND threads may be used for AC if you wish!

Comments

fizzarolli. helluva boss. heaven-bound.

[twominutes]

garden level

[ waking up dead is NOT something that fizzarolli expected to be happening to him today, and, predictably, he kind of panics. not externally—okay, externally. he rapid-fires questions to the cherub that stuck a sticker on him until he has to stop because said cherub bails to jam a sticker on someone else's chest. ]

████!!!

[ he pauses. squints. ]

████?

[ a realization. ]

I'M CENSORED? Get back here, you little winged ███████!

[ he flings one arm up in frustration, only for the metal limb to clang into—

—a halo? ]

What the ████?!

[ he's SO mad that when someone comes up behind him, he grabs a pie off one of the tables and wheels around, going full clown-mode as he slams it into their face. he did not, in fact, check what kind of pie it was first. ]

hell level

[ well, the worst part (right now) is that he sticks out like a sore thumb even more than usual here. that being, of course, since while he's still in his 'funky cool clown' outfit, it's completely white and gold themed instead of his normal colorful nonsense. also there's the halo, but he's trying not to think about that. he's getting looks and he notices them almost more than he ever has, but he has shit to do, people to find.

he steps right up to a promising prospect and, before they even turn around, says: ]

Hey, have you seen a big guy around? Blue/purple theming, rooster tail, one main face in the middle with a little face on either side...

[ he is making various gestures as he says all of this like he's explaining size and shape, but if you've never seen his giant rooster boyfriend asmodeus, they make absolutely 0 sense. ]

heaven level

[ okay, fuck it all. there's a beach, and he's going to try and chill out on it. so that's what he's doing: laying on a chair on the beach with comically large sunglasses on. he'll only notice if someone's shadow blocks his sweet sweet sun rays, whereupon he'll crack open his eyes and squint. ]

Can I help you?

texting

un: partyclown

hey, can a guy just get a roster or some ████ here? i'm looking for someone.

Hell

[succinainteasy]

[ There’s a distinct ‘pop’ as she blows a bubble with her gum, lowering her shades to give him a brief once over. New threads and wings but anyone worth their weight in salt would be able to pick Fizzarolli out of a crowd.

With an all-knowing smile: ]

You’re down here dressed like that, asking about a guy with a rooster tail? You know about the freaks down here, they’d probably put one on just to get a taste. You’d have better luck drawing them a picture, make sure to use red crayon, they’re— [ On the bottom of the totem pole? A few cards short of a full deck? Not as cool as them? She settles for making a so-so gesture with her hand before continuing on with a laugh that nearly becomes a purr. ]

Why not just call him what he is— your boyfriend? For the people in the back of this bargain brand shithole.

[ He might be ignoring the halo but she certainly isn’t. Without missing a beat she reaches out and raps a nail against it, an eyebrow raised. ]

When did you change teams? Or is the big guy into this?

[twominutes]

Oh, ████. [ an annoyed look crosses his face at the censoring, but what can you do? ] Hey, girl.

[ but then he shakes his head, shrugging. it's a little dramatic with the extendo-arms, but when isn't it? ]

It's not like it should be here. You're the only person I recognize, no one knows who I ███████ am, which is frankly something I'm really enjoying right now, and I can't get ahold of him no matter what I try on this phone they gave me.

[ when she taps his halo he scowls and flaps a hand at the encroaching finger, but there's no actual connection. he's just. fussing. it's big baby hours in fizzarolli town. ]

I can't get rid of this Satan████ed halo no matter what I do. I have no idea what happened, I just woke up like this, and not even in a commercial-beautiful, perfect makeup and hair 'I just woke up like this to make my coffee' ████ kind of way!

oh fuck yes - Garden

[helluvamess]

[That voice is familiar enough that Blitzø is already hightailing it towards the origin, shoving through new arrivals with various shouts of "MOVE FATASS" and some light bodyslamming. But it's absolutely who he thought it was and, weird new outfit aside, he's oddly relieved to see a familiar face.]

Fizz--

[SPLAT.]

[There's a pause as Blitzø processes and pie drips down his face. It's been a fucking long ass time since the pie gag ok. His tongue flicks out to scoop up part of it - was that fucking sweet potato? - and then he grabs Fizz and just starts shaking him.]

THE FUCKING PIE GAG ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

i divined a clown was needed

[twominutes]

[ sorry blitzø, he didn't realize it was you before he did the pie gag.

however, once he's getting properly yelled at and shaken he squeaks (in surprise, obviously) and starts to carefully try to wipe some of the pie off the other imp's face. ]

████! I didn't realize it was you! Also, what the ████ is going on?!

heaven level

[grumpface]

[Husk knows who this is, being a sinner demon. Well, about that... This sinner demon appears to be a white-and-gold-colored angel now. But Husk HAS read the news.]

I thought you were supposed to be a ♣♦♥♠in' imp. The ♦♠♥♣ are you doin' up here?

[twominutes]

[ oh thank fuck, someone else that's getting censored. why does this one sound like a slot machine, though? weird.

anyway. ]

I am still an imp! I have no ███████ idea what's going on, though. Obviously I shouldn't be up here, and yet!!!

[ he misses his boyfriend. :( ]

garden!!

[deerlisteners]

[Alastor is putting up his flyers when he hears someone cursing. Or... trying to? But getting bleeped out, in real time! He finds the source of the voice in time to see him put a pie into someone's face. The Radio Demon cackles]

Oh my! Now THAT is comedy! Not the pie, the censorship. The wrath of the FCC comes for us all!! Ahahahah!!

[twominutes]

[ look, fizz may not be up to date on sinner shit. hell, you could call him sheltered, despite everything, but when he wheels around to glare at the guy with the weird fucking voice (look who's talking), he pauses. yeah, okay, he knows an overlord when he sees one.

anyway! he just crosses his arms over his chest instead of tossing aborted obscenities his way. ]

Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.

Heaven

[orkin]

[ Thankfully she's so small that her shadow doesn't immediately alert him to the danger he's in. Instead, it'll probably be the wiggling of the chair as she climbs up the back and stares down at him with a mixture of awe and.. something else. Oh, look, she managed to cast a shadow after all!

When he opens his eyes, he'll find himself peering up at a pint-sized, one-eyed sinner who has a flyer for Alastor's radio show in one hand and a mouthful of sharp teeth that are framed by a smile. Her other hand is stretched out so she can poke at his sunglasses with some quiet snickering.

Not weird at all, right? Right. ]

An imp!

[twominutes]

Satan's ████—

[ it's for the best that one was censored, actually. in any case he physically jumps when he's startled, as one does, his hat jingling wildly before he sits up to stare at the........well, she's clearly from hell, but he's never met her before(like he's met everyone in hell, right) and she apparently doesn't know who he is, so maybe she's from this hell?

who knows!

anyway: ]

Yes, an imp. What the ████ do you need?

[supersaver]

Eh? ...Oh, I'm sorry! Here, let me move a little--

[The youngster - another angel with some subtle, brown bunny parts (legs, tail, and soft, floppy ears...maybe even a cute little twitchy nose too I am mad with adorable power) - turns over her shoulder with a start. She didn't mean to block this person's sun. She just stopped on her walk along the sand to admire the view a little, maybe take a picture or two to send to Mina later. She bows forward, apologetic.]

I really didn't mean to disturb you.

[twominutes]

[ oh... a bunny person... that's cute, actually. his hat kind of looks like bunny ears. it's a vibe! he sits up more properly, waving a metal hand like he's shooing away the apology. ]

Nah, it's okay. I'm just used to being bothered on purpose so it comes naturally.

[ or it does now, after he quit his shitty job and doesn't have to pretend, but hey. ]

It's really nice here, huh? Never thought I'd see it.

Hell

[outrageon]

[By some force of luck Fizz manages to catch Velvet not in a bad mood— probably because she's right outside the Devil's Nest, admiring Greed's new baby bar. Unfortunately 'luck' here just means Velvet is only mildly unpleasant instead of outright hateful. Yaaaay?]

Uuuuhhhh...

[That creased eyebrow Velvet's giving Fizz screams what are you? ...And Vel really has no idea. Like, some kind of Frog-clown? But he looks expensive? Well, most of the heaven-sent are pretty rich looking, so that doesn't mean much...]

Hm. Look, I... have no idea what you're talking about.

Are you... supposed to be here?

[twominutes]

[ eh, fizz has dealt with much worse than 'mildly unpleasant,' so this is probably going to be easy. we'll see!

he's never actually gotten a look like that before because he's... pretty normal back home... despite the metal limbs and all. which are still metal, despite apparently being sent to heaven. man, heaven fucking sucks.

he's not surprised by the fact she doesn't know where his ozzie is, but he'll mope about that later. he does answer the question, though: ]

Ugh. Normally, yes. Right now, no. Apparently I'm a ██████ ███████ angel ███████ here despite every bit of ███████ evidence to the contrary. I'm an imp! I was born in Hell!

[ oh, he's FUSSY fussy. ]

hell

[darkweb]

[Taranza is also Heaven-bound, also down here looking to see if someone is here, just in case. So he has his own not-from-around-here vibe that the locals are making obvious in their reactions to him, even if the only angelic trait he has are some silvery-white feathers on the top of his head.

He tilts that head, considering the description of Asmodeus very seriously. It's not an unheard-of description of someone, from his perspective, but he can't place it. This guy sounds like he probably looks really cool...]

Mmm, no, I don't think I've seen anyone like that, sorry. ... I don't suppose you've seen someone who looks like a wasp, a little larger than you?

[Spoilers, she's not here. But he has to at least ask.]

[twominutes]

[ hmmmm, another person that looks wildly out of place in hell due to angel-ness, but also looks wildly out of place as an angel... inchresting. very inchresting.

anyway he sighs, but does listen to the description he gets in return, genuinely thinking about it before shaking his head. ]

Nah man, I'm sorry. ████ sucks, this is even worse than normal Hell.

➥ Hell

[nestingdevil]

[He's halfway through peeling a board off the window of his new bar when he hears the question. The wood cracks under the pressure of his claws and as he yanks at it with one, final pull, it gives way, leaving splintering bits and cocked-crooked nails to meet the rest of the garbage on the street.]

Hmn? [Greed drops the wooden plank and shakes his wrist to remove any stubborn bits stuck to his nails. Truth be told, he's a little surprised by what he sees when he tips his head over his shoulder. Not that the High and Righteous types aren't allowed down below, but this one's all wild gestures, odd movements, and nothing that he's saying makes a lick of sense.]

[Still, he looks a little desperate, doesn't he?]

[The Sin flattens one of his four hands along the dip of his shoulder to knead at a stiff spot.] Oi, oi. Slow down for a second, would ya? [He's trying to catch up on everything Fizz is saying: big guy, purple, rooster tail, one (no three) faces. The former homunculus finds the spot, presses it, and a deep, pleased rumble teases in his chest.] Ah - sorry, friend. Haven't run into someone like that. [Slipping two of his claws into his pocket, Greed goes to pinch the lip of half-bent cigarette pack.]

[He pulls out two smokes in between his knuckles.] Let's start with a name, huh? Who's this person you're looking for?

[twominutes]

[ well, at least he's being paid attention to and answered, even if this guy doesn't know where asmodeus is. or who he is, probably. and yeah, sure, he's getting pretty despondent about that, but maybe some conversation will help relax him. at least this guy seems chill (?) at least for now. ]

Sorry, sorry, I'm kind of freaking out here. I haven't been this far from him in... Well, almost a decade.

[ he chews on the inside of his cheek, then continues. ]

His name's Asmodeus, he's the Sin of Lust back home. [ a beat, and he finally just says it: ] He's my boyfriend. Business partner. Business boyfriend. Look, we're dating and we work together.

hell.

[technicaldifficulties]

[ is that some sort of angelic clown putting on a street performance in hell. well, now he's seen everything. he seems surprised when fizz asks him, but he supposes he was standing there and watching for, perhaps, longer than he should have. ]

...Are you talking about Asmoedus? [ he quirks a brow. ]

[twominutes]

[ oh shit!!!! this tv head fucker knows about ozzie!!! ]

Yeah! I mean, yeah, that's who I'm talking about. Just telling people I was looking for him by name wasn't really going to help if they'd never heard of him, you know?

Hell

[infernosonata]

[ Here is someone who doesn't seem to care if Fizz is suddenly in Heaven. In fact, he assumed you wanted to see him fiddling on the streets... With a violin that only has one string... Which is being held by his hair. The man pauses for a moment to hear Fizzaroli's question, tilting his head a bit with a bemused grin stretched across his face. ]

Hm... I'm afraid I haven't met someone of that description. Is he a friend of yours?

Re: Hell

[twominutes]

[ okaaaay, so that's actually a pretty cool show. he's impressed, entertainer to entertainer.

but hey, the guy also tried to answer his question, so points! ]

Yeah, you could say that. If he's here he'd be looking for me.

Hell

[not_a_possum]

[Is that...Fizzarolli? The clown that mocked him on his and his wife's anniversary? He considers just ignoring him, maybe sneaking off before he's noticed, but instead...he sighs. And then speaks even though he's not the one Fizz is talking to.]

I don't think Asmodeus is anywhere around here. I'm pretty sure I'd have noticed, considering his...well, everything.

[Moxxie looks him over.]

How did you end up with a halo, anyway? You didn't strike me as the angelic sort.

[twominutes]

[ oh wait, it's that one guy. oh wait, he was a dick to this one guy.

thing is, fizz looks absolutely nothing like he did that night even aside from the angel getup. he looks anxious, and tired, and his brows are all furrowed up, tail wrapped around his legs. like he's lost, or something worse. ]

... Yeah. If Oz were here, people would've noticed him. I'm barkin' up the wrong tree asking around.

[ and he would've found fizz already. right? oz always finds him. always fixes things. or, well, blitzø's saved him one time too, now.

right. anyway. he's being a fucking weirdo. he shrugs at the question, flicking his own halo in annoyance. ]

Didn't even know Hellborn could be angels! ████'s ████ed. It's not like we're Sinners that have any ████ to be redeemed for, right? At least not in a Heaven way. Also, this censorship ████ ████ing blows.